OutbackAussie, here's a sincere hug from 'ol Dan.... Hearing your story just makes my blood boil (especially what you were told after reinstatement).
Like Ozzie says, there's no real scriptural basis for the whole DFng/Reinstatement Cycle. But I sure didn't see it that way while I was a Witness (and elder).
The hypocrisy of the whole thing becomes more infuriating as those who 'humbled' themselves and groveled and did everything asked of them (even stupid, meaningless stuff) begin to see that Jehovah's Witnesses as a group do not practice what the preach, that blatant favoritism has/is being shown. That 'who you know' can reduce the penalities for wrongdoing, and that some of the elders themselves are/were guilty of some of the very things they sit in judgement of.
It's not that so many elders start out to be bad guys, just that power corrupts. The power to hold other's fate in your hands goes right to the head, more often than not. And if that feeling is mixed in with being convinced you're doing God's Will, it is not a pretty picture, especially if you're on the receving end of all this. In addition, the meetings are held behind closed doors, so there's no usual path to redress some of the crap that goes on, or to rein in recalcitrant elders.
I've often thought that the way 'wrongdoing' is handled among Jehovah's Witnesses actually contributes to bad stuff going on, in this way: The members of a congregation become conditioned to the concept of being held accountable by the organization and not God, although it they are continually told otherwise.
One additional line of 'proof' for me that Jehovah's Witnesses don't have God's blessing, and aren't being used by him.
Jeez, the stuff I get worked up about.
---Dan