Hi everybody,thankyou so much for reading my story and for being so understanding,godbless you all...when i brokedown before christmas,my doctor has 3times misdiagnosed my depression,and said it was time for closure.....it took me to badly selfharm before the hospital saw how rockbottom i was,ive been put on a course of antidepressants and will be going back to see my pyschiatrist for a second time in april.....im going to see the doctor for the first time in a minute since he misdiagnosed my depression and cant wait to see his face when he reads the letter from the hospital....i guess not every doctor gets things right but it doesnt take a rocket scientist to see when somebody is very obviously suffering......well i guess things will take time to heal but theres only one way and its forward and hopefully stronger.....thankyou all very much from the bottom of my heart...hugs to all...xxxxxx
Linzlou24
JoinedPosts by Linzlou24
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38
New here,i hope someone might help,my abuser hung himself
by Linzlou24 inhi,ummm ive just discovered this site and im not sure why im even writing this but im at rockbottom and i dont know how feel,maybe im just searching to find someone who might understand and help me understand because i feel so alone and ashamed,confused and sad,even people might find me bad because of how these events turned...but im not bad inside,ive always been such a soft caring person at heart,im a good person just always been lost,alone and confused....ill try not babble too much but from the beggining dad was here one minute,not the next and then not at all,to this day still never bothers,mum remarried when i was about 4,this was the guy who sexually abused me at 7,{mum never knew},they had a baby together...i found my brother dead in his cot,he died from cotdeath,and it was just all downhill from there with my life,that was after my brother i was abused by him....they split when i was around 8 and i guess my mum looking back now on it now just went on her own mission but it wasnt easy for me,she fell for another guy and we moved from one place to the next,every time i started a new school and made friends,it was time pack up and go and start all over.....
mum settled again and remarried a third time when i was around 12,id started a new high school,maybe its just those teens but i went off the rails with mum,i was terrible,didnt mean to be,but i blamed her for all my hurt and life and id rebel at everything,drinking started,running away started and i just wish now i could have felt close when alls i wanted was to love and be loved back...the next bit until now{im 25 now} is what is killing more than ever and id very much appreciate your thoughts because im lower than ever and still scared....mum is very much here in my life now...its only been a few months but shes heartbroken and the love and understanding has been tremendous off her,she blames herself but i blame me.....
when i started the new highschool i met this girl,she became my friend at the time and it was so good to have a friend id do anything she said....anyway she needed some money once and said i know this guy you can come to with me and he will pay you to touch your boobs,thats when it started i agreed because if i said no then shed probably laughed at me,so i went....,it sounds strange{he was nearly 50} but he was very very nice,and said i dont like the person whos brought you up here,shes nasty...,i hated him touch me but i was scared....but at same time i felt i could really trust him,me and this girl never did stay friends....theres another big big part in all of this,but from 13 this guy became the bestest friend i ever had in my whole life,but everything was a big secret,its lasted years...he had an hold over me,though i knew he was supposed be my friend i knew he musnt really be one else he wouldnt put me through the torture of crying and not coping when i had my baby...my babe is 8now but still when i let him touch my boobs so i can buy the best part of my life something nice or take him somewhere that man would buy bigger and better and undermine all my hurt....
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38
New here,i hope someone might help,my abuser hung himself
by Linzlou24 inhi,ummm ive just discovered this site and im not sure why im even writing this but im at rockbottom and i dont know how feel,maybe im just searching to find someone who might understand and help me understand because i feel so alone and ashamed,confused and sad,even people might find me bad because of how these events turned...but im not bad inside,ive always been such a soft caring person at heart,im a good person just always been lost,alone and confused....ill try not babble too much but from the beggining dad was here one minute,not the next and then not at all,to this day still never bothers,mum remarried when i was about 4,this was the guy who sexually abused me at 7,{mum never knew},they had a baby together...i found my brother dead in his cot,he died from cotdeath,and it was just all downhill from there with my life,that was after my brother i was abused by him....they split when i was around 8 and i guess my mum looking back now on it now just went on her own mission but it wasnt easy for me,she fell for another guy and we moved from one place to the next,every time i started a new school and made friends,it was time pack up and go and start all over.....
mum settled again and remarried a third time when i was around 12,id started a new high school,maybe its just those teens but i went off the rails with mum,i was terrible,didnt mean to be,but i blamed her for all my hurt and life and id rebel at everything,drinking started,running away started and i just wish now i could have felt close when alls i wanted was to love and be loved back...the next bit until now{im 25 now} is what is killing more than ever and id very much appreciate your thoughts because im lower than ever and still scared....mum is very much here in my life now...its only been a few months but shes heartbroken and the love and understanding has been tremendous off her,she blames herself but i blame me.....
when i started the new highschool i met this girl,she became my friend at the time and it was so good to have a friend id do anything she said....anyway she needed some money once and said i know this guy you can come to with me and he will pay you to touch your boobs,thats when it started i agreed because if i said no then shed probably laughed at me,so i went....,it sounds strange{he was nearly 50} but he was very very nice,and said i dont like the person whos brought you up here,shes nasty...,i hated him touch me but i was scared....but at same time i felt i could really trust him,me and this girl never did stay friends....theres another big big part in all of this,but from 13 this guy became the bestest friend i ever had in my whole life,but everything was a big secret,its lasted years...he had an hold over me,though i knew he was supposed be my friend i knew he musnt really be one else he wouldnt put me through the torture of crying and not coping when i had my baby...my babe is 8now but still when i let him touch my boobs so i can buy the best part of my life something nice or take him somewhere that man would buy bigger and better and undermine all my hurt....
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Linzlou24
Hi,ummm ive just discovered this site and im not sure why im even writing this but im at rockbottom and i dont know how feel,maybe im just searching to find someone who might understand and help me understand because i feel so alone and ashamed,confused and sad,even people might find me bad because of how these events turned...but im not bad inside,ive always been such a soft caring person at heart,im a good person just always been lost,alone and confused....ill try not babble too much but from the beggining dad was here one minute,not the next and then not at all,to this day still never bothers,mum remarried when i was about 4,this was the guy who sexually abused me at 7,{mum never knew},they had a baby together...i found my brother dead in his cot,he died from cotdeath,and it was just all downhill from there with my life,that was after my brother i was abused by him....they split when i was around 8 and i guess my mum looking back now on it now just went on her own mission but it wasnt easy for me,she fell for another guy and we moved from one place to the next,every time i started a new school and made friends,it was time pack up and go and start all over..... mum settled again and remarried a third time when i was around 12,id started a new high school,maybe its just those teens but i went off the rails with mum,i was terrible,didnt mean to be,but i blamed her for all my hurt and life and id rebel at everything,drinking started,running away started and i just wish now i could have felt close when alls i wanted was to love and be loved back...the next bit until now{im 25 now} is what is killing more than ever and id very much appreciate your thoughts because im lower than ever and still scared....mum is very much here in my life now...its only been a few months but shes heartbroken and the love and understanding has been tremendous off her,she blames herself but i blame me..... when i started the new highschool i met this girl,she became my friend at the time and it was so good to have a friend id do anything she said....anyway she needed some money once and said i know this guy you can come to with me and he will pay you to touch your boobs,thats when it started i agreed because if i said no then shed probably laughed at me,so i went....,it sounds strange{he was nearly 50} but he was very very nice,and said i dont like the person whos brought you up here,shes nasty...,i hated him touch me but i was scared....but at same time i felt i could really trust him,me and this girl never did stay friends....theres another big big part in all of this,but from 13 this guy became the bestest friend i ever had in my WHOLE Life,but everything was a big secret,its lasted years...he had an hold over me,though i knew he was supposed be my friend i knew he musnt really be one else he wouldnt put me through the torture of crying and not coping when i had my baby...my babe is 8now but still when i let him touch my boobs so i can buy the best part of my life something nice or take him somewhere that man would buy bigger and better and undermine all my hurt.... it all got too much before christmas....i knew this man was touching other girls,and he just had his first granddaughter,i completley cracked and broke down....i mean really cracked up they sent me to hospital.....other girls have since spoke up,but this guy hung himself on Feb 4th and its killing me because i dont know what think,i dont know what do,if id stayed quiet then hed be alive...So am i a murderer for speaking up?Was he ever a friend?I feel so guilty....as much as i try love and always be good life brings bad stuff......does god hate me? Im sorry if ive babbled to much,but hope someone reads this and helps me understand...Godbless everyone. formatted to make it easier to read "Mulan"