Boyzone, I could have written most of your post. A few things really stood out for me:
The friendships I thought were based on many years spent together, shared experiences, good times, intimate conversations and shared confidences weren't based on these things at all. They were totally conditional on me being a JW.
So very true! I was 'in' for around 15 years and the "friends" I had had seen me through a marriage, the birth of three babies (one was even there for the delivery -- that is a friend! lol), been my shoulder when my cheating creep of a now-ex was screwing with my head and my heart and were 'friends' in every sense of the word... I thought. They were there to go to movies with, out to coffee with or just to hang out and do nothing with. Most of the time, there wasn't really even the mention of the religion that was the common thread that tied us together - I guess I felt there was no need as it was friendship, not religion, right?? ha.... I certainly have found this out in the past three years since I DA'd. I can count on one hand how many times I've 'interacted' with JWs who know my 'status', and that was to pick up some things from one's business, go thru one's checkout at the store (she stayed to the script!), draw blood as one was a patient and the one BIG one was when the one who was there for my son's birth added me on msn messenger and FB. For about a week. Then her "conscience" got the best of her and she booted me. Whatever. Yes, it still bugs me... On the other hand, I've gotten over it all mostly and refuse to play by their 'rules'. Saying a big "HI DAVE!!!" to a JW in the movie theater and seeing the cringe and stammer was pretty entertaining. I would and will do it again if I meet other JWs out and about.
If however you want true friendships, friendships that are based on the person you are, not on what you believe, then you have to start widening out now.
I've since found a group of really great friends who I haven't known very long (2-3 years) but we've had the best of times. And whats more important, they like me because I'm me, not because of what I believe.
I have my now-husband to thank for my current circle of many, many friends, some of whom are becoming pretty darn close ones. I met him at the end of 2006 after about 9 months of weird, friendless lonely after my DA. I hadn't planned on DAing, but I kind of had a moment of "I am NOT going to take this crap and be treated like this anymore" and went home to write a letter after taking a big breath I didn't release until I handed three copies to the three elders. I SORT of knew the consequences, but decided that whatever 'friends' I lost because they chose their dumb religion over me were never 'friends' to begin with. Pretty sad when there was 15 years of history.... Not a single one, besides the week's worth of communication from that only one, has reached out to me.... Thank goodness I had my family and work friends to hold me up. And still do.
So the friends I have now -- they are the greatest. They won't berate me for my clothing being "worldly" (that's what you're SUPPSOSED to wear t the bar ;) ), they won't raise their eyebrows at me for a religious opinion that goes against theirs, they won't throw words like "bad association" or "independent thinking" at me. They embrace all of me and who I am. I don't have to put on any sort of religious game face or pretend I'm something I'm not. I absolutely love the life and friends I have now.
So BF -- you've gotten a lot of good advice and experiences (that word still sticks in my craw) here. Mine is to take it all in and decide what is best for you and your situation. How much loss you can handle if you leave vs how much you'll gain by that same leaving. Making friends on the outside now is the key I think. I did it after DAing and it was pretty sucky, but I survived. Marrying Mr Social helped, too :) I wish you the best...
~merfi
