Wow! What a terrific response! Somebody's given me the email address of someone in SA, although in a different province, I am sure it will help.
I left physically when I was about 21 or 22 but only really left mentally and emotionally when I was about 38. It seems one is conditioned by WTBS to accept abuse from everyone and now I think I am quite a cow (!) because I refuse to accept or tolerate anyone treating me badly. When I first set foot in a church (Christendom!), I though God was going to send a lightning bolt to kill me because I was disobedient to Him but it was really only disobedience (thank God!) to the traditions of manmade Phariseeism. So the next Sunday I went back because I figured God hadn't killed me so maybe it was okay. The first time I couldn't take anything in because I was so scared. The next Sunday I heard a sermon on the Prodigal Son (or the Extravagant Father,some call it) and I realised that, if God had come halfway to meet me, then the polite (as most wellbrought up JWs are) thing to do was to go the rest of the way to meet Him. So I said, "Well, I guess you are here and I don't know where else you are, so I make a commitment to meet with you here every Sunday.' Prior to that, the catalyst was listening to an evangelist telling a friend (I didn't want to know anything about religion) that ''I am an evangelist and I give people a message of RE-assurance that God loves them." And I figured that was true, that God loves me, because I wasn't dead and had recently learned from M Scott Peck about grace (which I didn't know as a JW) and was looking out for instances of where God looked after me. It had to be M Scott Peck because no way was I reading any Christian literature, much less going into a Christian bookstore!
As to how I figured out what my identity was: my name is Catherine so I figured God knew what I was going to be called before I was born; Catherine means pure and Matthew 5v8 says Blessed are the pure in heart; for they shall see God. I thought that wasn't a bad starting point to form an identity. Nowadays, I ask: What is the most normal thing people do? What do the majority of people do? and try not to get too obsessed about anything, even God, because that is the way to insanity (was a close call there for a while!). I try to remain grounded, tolerated, maintain friendships and do the things that make me happy, like reading, writing, crosswords and doing competitions (yes, I have won stuff!) I believe that Jesus is my Healer and that He has healed my spirit, mind, emotions, will, and is trying to get me to co-operate in healing my body!
So thanks, guys, bless you all.
Catherine
