BTW, Spectrum, While appreciate your technique,LOL I'm not structructured to work that way. The more girls I do it with, that will most likely become frivolous and ultimately empty to me. I'm a serious reltionship kinda guy and I can't really imagine myself having sex with girls just for number count, if thats what you mean. I need to have some type of emotional investment. (Unless of course they just jumped on top of me and they looked like Old school- Angelina Jolie or Toni Braxton, but thats not happening so...) Though I'm glad you managed to find happiness for yourself.
Posts by cloud
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38Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
jgnat LOLOL. That is exactly what freaking happened to me. I was on the phone, saying, "No ma'am, ....... I respect your daughter ma'am, ........ I love your daughter ma'am.......... I wouldn't dream of it ma'am........." Oh the horrors. I usually consider myself to be a nice guy. Not bragging, but I wouldn't hurt a fly, so when I was being screamed at I just felt lower than crap. I don't even remember everything that was said, (Probably traumatically blocked it out) I remember hearing that I "should be disappointed in yourself, and your mother would be disappointed in you". Lo and behold, My mom wasn't but, I was.
Funny thing is that I remember my mom saying a girl called here for me about a month ago while I was at work, but she didn't leave a number or name. Trust me, no other girl is calling my number, I don't even give it out (due to the fact I haven't met any girl I liked yet). Unless of course it was just a tele-marketer or something, but my mom said the person just nervously hung up after she found out I wasn't there. Then I stumbled across her myspace recently....
Well you never know, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. I should keep my world broad.
But anyway thanks for the story. And I will try to open up more to God.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
LOL. uniformed, thanks, I needed that. Thats funny know that I think about, it those points you made.
BTW, I always hear bad things *obviously* about JW's, epecially elders on the net and through the world. (I'm Prebyterian as you can find in my previous posts on the first page.) So its refreshing to see that an Elder has a sense of humor.
But I do think JW's do have some good ideas and analyzations.
Oh and SixofNine, If I decided to cut the parts that made me stumble, if you read any of my last few posts, I would then be completely useless to my future wife, whoever that may be, and I would be blind. Heh. I can't have that. That would be a whole new depressing problem for me.
And I do believe in God existence, but I know where you are coming from. Back in highschool, I too struggled with the concept of God and though believed in him, I questioned him too. I know now he has to exist in some shape or form, because I know he's the only reason I'm still alive haven't gone off the deep end. I can't pray for myself, yet, I'm still blessed in someway. Somebody must be praying for me cause it ain't me.
What's funny is that right now, this girl might respect me for the spiritual help I gave the last few times I saw her, but here I am, tearing myself apart.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
Satanus, (ironic name, lol), It's that I really miss her as you said. Of course sexual attraction was there, I'm human, even though I shouldn't have acted on it. But the reality is, she was the only girl I was ever truly in love with. She was so very nice, had a great personality and she used to come to me for help on her problems and she would comfort mine. She was eager to learn about God. My origins are Presbyterian BTW, and ironically, my Mom is way more easygoing on the topic than I am. (My father was not there for the past events as he unfortunetly passed away, in the same year, before we broke up.)
For some reason, I am taking the topic more to heart than my own parents. Partly because her mom's words over the phone keep ringing in my head. Also, I used read the bible in its entirety, before the break, because I was tired listening to pastors preach just Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John....AGAIN. So I searched through it (Old and New Test.) and found out exactly what was wrong and what was exceptable to God. Even found that some the Old T. actually helps decode some of Revelations. Now I have all this guilt. Not saying its God's fault of course.
On topic, on a lighter note, I found somewhere, (I forget exactly what book, it was a while ago) where Paul says basically that for a married couple, They should have a continual healthy sexual relationship, lest the man be tempted to cheat on the woman, or the woman, be tempted to cheat on the man. LOL, can't wait to get married some day.
But yeah, to get my belief system and and my nature to co-exist with me would be nice. I wouldn't be so tormented. It's funny because I don't judge others for all things they tell me they do, yet for me, I'll condemn myself. I know it doesn't make sense. I guess the first step would be to find a way to get rid of the internet p... you know what, problem (as I mentioned a couple posts above).
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
Thanks Lady Liberty.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
KatieKitten, Glad to see it only wasn't me thinking that the clone mentality is sickening. Its as if they were all birthed specifically by MTV reality shows and rap videos (no offense to reality shows and rap videos, but in my everyday life, No, just no. And trust me, guys are no better) Don't worry, as long as you lead your daughter in the right direction, she should be fine.
Interest groups sound like a good idea. I'll have to look some up.
Serendipity, Thanks. Book stores are also a good idea.
Admittedly *hangs head in shame* another one of the big reasons I keep beating myself up is because... When my human-original sin side comes out.... since I never really met a sensible girl after my college love... I always end up watching internet p-o-....Well you know where thats going, so then basically I almost feel like I'm committing my previous college sin over and over again. Thats when my mind goes, "why pray for myself, I'm probably just going to be weak and watch one again." Hope I didn't digust you guys/girls. (Also hollywood ain't making enough hard action movies for guys to get their mind off of girls for even a minute but thats another story. lol) But yeah its kinda like living in a endless loop.
I will try to find girls with special interest.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
Thanks for your replies guys, to answer Narkissos's question, I'm just a regular Christian, I'm not a Jehoavah's Witness, though I am familiar with their teachings. I guess another part of the problem is that I haven't connected well with another woman or been in another relationship since college. It seems for the most part every other girl I meet in my city/area is too (please take no offense girls, this is just a general statement and I do not group all girls into this category) ghetto. It's literally all money, clothes and jewelry, very materialistic. Heck I heard quite a few say thats all they care about. I've met some girls who seem to be nice but In the long run, I'm smart enough to see it will not end up good due to their love of money etc.. I'm a simple guy and I don't want much, just a nice, quiet girl, like before. I only mention this because I know I wouldn't even be dwelling on the past had I covered it over with a new relationship and started anew. With nothing to validate my experience, I just keep beating myself up instead of focising on a brand new healthy bond. Well, no matter, my time will come and I'm sure eventually something will happen. In the meantime, I just have to forgive myself of the past. How much is a therapist anyway, generally, out of curiosity.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
BTW sorry, I'm not sure how to work these forums very well so my posts got split up.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
Well, now I just try to coexist with rest of the world, being a generally nice person, but underneath my politeness and smiles, I’m getting eating alive inside. I can’t even pray for myself anymore because I don’t think I deserve it, and it’s a real problem. I can’t talk about it to anyone because they probably think I was crazy, because they would say they have done much worse and laugh at me for being a 26 year old virgin. Because all this I don’t really go out unless it’s to work or go to any parties really (not really the dancing type and I don’t drink, LOL) And behind this all I believe that I am despicable beyond the point of redemption and I don’t how much more of it I can take. To make things worse, I recently saw she had a myspace account. Didn’t bother to contact her as I don’t want to mess up her life anymore but it really opened up the wounds even more so.
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38
Need help forgiving myself.
by cloud inhi guys, im new here and im christian (though trying to read the bible for what it is instead of looking to preacher all the time.
) anyway, i have a dilemma.
im 26 right now.
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cloud
My question: How do you go about forgiving yourself? It would be essential for me to move on.