If it was their religious beliefs that were being attacked, it wouldn't bother me one bit. But if it was them as individuals being reviled, I wouldn't want that to happen. No one deserves to be treated badly, whatever their beliefs.
serotonin_wraith
JoinedPosts by serotonin_wraith
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11
If JWs get reviled at the door
by greendawn inif some jws get reviled at the door by someone who dislikes them how would you feel for them, would you identify with their position, perhaps recalling a similar experience from the past jw days, and pity them or would you say they deserve what they get, because perhaps they shun you as an ex dub.
i would rather pity them for being naive fools.
such incidents make them feel like martyrs that have the truth.
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0-16. My Story.
by serotonin_wraith ini was raised from the womb until the age of 16 as a jw, i was never really a part of it.
i never got baptized, by the end i hated everything about it.
the worst part was not being able to voice any opinions i had on the religion, not unless i wanted them to fall on deaf ears and be considered immoral.
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serotonin_wraith
I was raised from the womb until the age of 16 as a JW, I was never really a part of it. I never got baptized, by the end I hated everything about it. The worst part was not being able to voice any opinions I had on the religion, not unless I wanted them to fall on deaf ears and be considered immoral. I learnt from a very early age that to survive you just had to shut your gob and fake it.
As a young child it was the fear of death that haunted me, pictures of people dying if they didn't serve God (sorry, if they didn't get baptized in the one true religion). I hate them for that. Also for ruining my childhood with their boring, tedious meetings, no privacy (even my mail was getting opened). I won't lie, we had food and shelter, but feeling like an outcast from society, and also the JWs deep inside, I was a very quiet isolated child not really belonging anywhere.
In the last few years of being there I'd made 'worldy' friends in school who I'd meet up with out of school, and I was influenced greatly by them and how they acted. If they smoked, so what? They were still decent human beings. By the end I was forbidden to see them, but I'd pretend to go to somewhere else and still meet them. I had to throw away a CD (The Holy Bible by Manic Street Preachers if anyone's interested!) but I fished it out of the bin the next morning and hid it. Defiant acts like that became the turning point, I was under so much stress after having to live a lie for so long that I was breaking down, and where before there was guilt and fear if I rebelled, by then I really didn't care. There was too much pain inside.
I became very self aware and questioned what I was being taught, and I didn't agree with so much of it. Their attitudes to women and gays, knowing there was hypocrisy, fake smiles, and thinking 'Oh isn't it such a coincidence that I happen to be born into the one true religion, aren't I lucky' when I knew that if I'd been born into another I'd be being told the same thing.
I stopped answering at meetings, something we were made to do and I hated also because I was so quiet. I'd get a disapproving look from dad, I knew he'd be having a talk later with me about it, I knew he was more interested with how it made him look as a parent than my spiritual wellbeing. There was a time I was forbidden from going out if I didn't answer at least once, but it didn't work. I still refused to answer, to hell with the consequences, I was sticking to my guns.
We started reading the bible as a family on a non-meeting night and I'd had enough. It was already too much going to the meetings and preaching, this was crossing the line and damaging me emotionally. It got to the point where it all built up in me, I threw the bible on the floor and left the room. My step mother came to talk with me and encourage me to come back and sit with them, but after realizing I wouldn't her tune changed and she got angry, with words of how bad and unworldy my attitude was.
Salvation came not long after when I was told that if I didn't change my ways, I'd have to go and live with my mother. I wasn't a fan of change, making new friends, I was also in the middle of my final exams, but I didn't care. I just wanted to escape. I called their bluff and said I wanted to move. One day after my last exam I was living in a better place.
The pressure washed away, I was finally able to be with non-believers (my mother, an exjw, and my stepdad). I kept the books I had for a few months before getting the courage to throw them away. There's alot of guilt and fear when leaving it, even though I hated it, because I was told from an early age about armageddon, that's not something you can dispose of lightly in your mind. I took comfort knowing that it could all be wrong, but that even if it wasn't, I would rather be killed than spend eternity living with JWs. And if God wasn't going to let me live because I didn't agree with his sexist homophobic views, I was going to die with a higher sense of morality than him and his followers.
In time, the fear of death wore off, as did my insistence on trying to please everyone I knew.
All things considered, now I am well adjusted and able to think for myself. I've had no contact with my dad since 1998, and quite honestly I don't want it, the reminders of the religion and his smug superior attitude judging me for leaving what his life revolved around.
There's a little more but I'm going to leave it there for now and continue with the story another time.
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New to this!
by supersonic inwell ive just registered with the site and not sure what to make of it.
i feel i shouldn't be here.... anyway i'm just a normal 17 year old lad from the uk who is a bit confused at the minute.
i want nothing more than to go out and enjoy myself with my mates in the world but it proves difficult.
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serotonin_wraith
Supersonic: "I'm an individual and can decide whats wrong and right for myself thanks."
I am glad this is the case.
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New to this!
by supersonic inwell ive just registered with the site and not sure what to make of it.
i feel i shouldn't be here.... anyway i'm just a normal 17 year old lad from the uk who is a bit confused at the minute.
i want nothing more than to go out and enjoy myself with my mates in the world but it proves difficult.
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serotonin_wraith
Can't... control... hands.... satan.... making me.... type this filth.
Yeah, pretty stupid huh? We're normal, your 'worldy' friends are normal. Here's something to think about. What if one of those friends told you he was gay? Would you really stop bothering with him, and think of him as disgusting? If not, feel free to question everything else you're being taught. If you would shun him, think about that. Is it right to do so when you know everything else about him has been fine so far, and that sexuality is becoming more and more acceptable as a normal part of human life and needs?
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Things You Did When Bored To Tears!
by serotonin_wraith init's been 8 years since i had to go to a meeting so i've forgotten alot of what i did myself, but add to the list what you did if you were a child made to sit still and in silence through the meetings and assemblies.. .
i went on amazing journeys with the power of my imagination!.
*recite entire music albums in my head.
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serotonin_wraith
I wasn't allowed to doodle or fall asleep or anything like that, that would have helped with the boredom.It's surprising what your mind comes up with just to keep itself entertained. Another one I did was to pick a number at random and see if I could get it to match with the number of a verse or chapter he'd say next. I had to look up all the scriptures too so if I was out of it, and saw everyone flicking through their bibles, I'd have to pretend I'd found the page and was reading along.
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Things You Did When Bored To Tears!
by serotonin_wraith init's been 8 years since i had to go to a meeting so i've forgotten alot of what i did myself, but add to the list what you did if you were a child made to sit still and in silence through the meetings and assemblies.. .
i went on amazing journeys with the power of my imagination!.
*recite entire music albums in my head.
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serotonin_wraith
It's been 8 years since I had to go to a meeting so I've forgotten alot of what I did myself, but add to the list what you did if you were a child made to sit still and in silence through the meetings and assemblies.
*Daydream. I went on amazing journeys with the power of my imagination!
*Recite entire music albums in my head. Doing the whole thing usually wasted enough time to make it through a Sunday talk.
*Stare at the carpet. A well made carpet that, though that hair floating around on it was annoying me. Still, maybe I should make a game of who it belonged to.
*Rearrange the letters of the yearly spiritual banner near the stage to create new exciting words!
*See if I could count a minute in my head exactly, then check the clock to see how close I was.
Your turn!
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"Slogging" - the top speed at which JWs go door to door
by LovesDubs ini know this topic has been beat to death probably in here...but i was watching some of the "friends" going down my street the other day (and they categorically skip my house because satan and i are tight you know) and it reminded me so much of how much i hated going door to door and how i prayed when it was my turn to knock that nobody was home.
and we walked down those streets with our little territory cards in hand, making anywhere from meticulous to rediculous notes about the house we were just at...and moving our feet as slowly as we possibly could to maintain a forward motion at all, to eat up the time we were forced to (yes i said forced to) report every month.
field service was what you called the time you spent between when you were at mcdonalds and dunkin donuts.
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serotonin_wraith
I hated the preaching, but one memory which sticks out for me like a sore thumb was when I was around 15, and a girl I had a huge crush on in school was going around the same area with an Avon (perfume etc) brochure or something, and there was no way to avoid her. I think she smiled or something, and I thought 'Oh God just kill me now!' Add to that I was with my Dad and if he knew I liked her I'd have had to have a talk with the elders to get the sinful thoughts out of my head, I wished the ground would swallow me up.
Also knocking on the door and having someone from school answer wasn't the best situation to be in. I'd ask to speak to their parents instead.
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How False Can You Be Now?
by serotonin_wraith inhi, my first post but i'll get more into my background later.. i was raised as a jw for sixteen years, one good thing that came from it was my learned ability to lie extremely convincingly using body language and speech.
not just through how they taught you to act, but by leading a double life for so long just to survive childhood.. so how about you?
how false are you able to act now and do you find it helps?
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serotonin_wraith
Sir82, it's a good home and I am a caring person, honest! But certain situations require you to be false. I've been in the job nearly four years now so I do like it, and I'm mostly myself. But there are times you have to act differently to how you really feel, and how you act in a job was just one example I could think of to illustrate my point.
Daystar, I had a similar change with regards to wanting people to like me. You come to realize some people will and some people won't, even if you do try and influence them. The ones who don't like you aren't usually worth any of your time.
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How False Can You Be Now?
by serotonin_wraith inhi, my first post but i'll get more into my background later.. i was raised as a jw for sixteen years, one good thing that came from it was my learned ability to lie extremely convincingly using body language and speech.
not just through how they taught you to act, but by leading a double life for so long just to survive childhood.. so how about you?
how false are you able to act now and do you find it helps?
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serotonin_wraith
Most of the time I will just act how I want, I suppose in a job you have to change yourself slightly otherwise you risk losing your job and you can't really get away from having to interact with some people.
I've also found I can spot a false person from 20 paces, I can see through it quite easily.
Candidlynuts, I think true connections can be made with people, but it's rare. The people I can be truly myself with are the ones I consider the closest people in my life, the ones worth caring about.
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How False Can You Be Now?
by serotonin_wraith inhi, my first post but i'll get more into my background later.. i was raised as a jw for sixteen years, one good thing that came from it was my learned ability to lie extremely convincingly using body language and speech.
not just through how they taught you to act, but by leading a double life for so long just to survive childhood.. so how about you?
how false are you able to act now and do you find it helps?
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serotonin_wraith
Hi, my first post but I'll get more into my background later.
I was raised as a JW for sixteen years, one good thing that came from it was my learned ability to lie extremely convincingly using body language and speech. Not just through how they taught you to act, but by leading a double life for so long just to survive childhood.
So how about you? How false are you able to act now and do you find it helps?
I have to deal with the public in my job and it helps tremendously there. I look after the elderly at a nursing home, so dealing with awkward relatives and newcomers is a big part of it. Within minutes of someone new coming to stay with us, I have to make them feel at ease and comfortable and that they can trust me, when I don't even know them well enough to tell if I like them or not.