Posts by Willie647

14

How can I succeed in life not being a jw again?

by victory in

jw
friends

when i was a jw, i was taught that i can never succeed in life if i leave the sect.

now that i am no longer a member of the fold, how can i succeed in this only life i have and achieve my dreams?.

Willie647

Work.work and more work. As a young man that is how I overcame the lack of worldly experience and education. Work was my savior. I could just put aside all the jw bull and concentrate on perfecting my craft. As success came also came friends and a new wife. Then cars,motorcycles,boats,hunting,fishing and lots of travel and fun all around. People keep asking on this site how to overcome.....you have to work and make money. That allows you to get everything else. Simply,it starts and ends with work. As an older man now I have more toys than I can play with,more house than I can use and lots to do. And I still work in my business everyday. If you work as hard working as you did at being a witness you can't help but succeed. So,enough whining and worrying, just go to work like you mean it. Then provide for yourself and your family,enjoy life and have fun.

28

Were You Ever A True Believer?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i was raised in the religion and for the most part believed that my religion was truth.

i recognized some mistakes were occasionally made but felt that nobody is perfect.

then i smartened up and realized how dumb so many of the beliefs are....was there ever a time that you truly believed you had the "truth"?.

Willie647

I always had a problem with this small group of folks being the only ones that had the truth. At age ten or so I doubted everything and when my jw stepfather would drone on in prayer before we ate I used to fantasize that he would raise his head,smile, and tell us that it was all a joke. And we would all laugh. So no,I didn't buy it very early.

20

Feeling the Guilt

by Saethydd in

i'm currently disfellowshipped and living at home with my parents, but because they are both still devout jws i have to keep going to the meetings and crap because i don't want to risk getting thrown out until i finish college or find a job that will let me support myself and go to college.. yesterday, my mother rode with me to the meeting and told me how much my best friend and my oldest sister are missing me, and it just tears me apart because during the meeting i was practically counting the minutes till it was over.

it didn't help matters that i had to sit with my family because the library was closed off, thus forcing me to follow along with the meeting on my tablet instead of reading something useful or interesting like i normally do.. when i got home i just cried out in frustration because it feels like no matter what i do, i am making the wrong choice.

either i have to keep pretending to support an organization that has caused so much pain to so many people, or i have to abandon my family and friends to it so i can save myself.

Willie647

I would suggest you look hard for a job and get away. Also it seems that the jw way is so strong and powerful that things will never be right in your world but just know that the only power they have over you is the power you give them. In this great big world nobody cares what jws think or do but jws themselves. I was like you years ago and escaped by working almost any job I could get till I could find direction and get a career. You will get shunned but it is their loss and it will be hard to make friends because we are not allowed to learn how as a jw. But it can be done and you can do it. Just don't feel guilty and get angry and make things happen for yourself. Break the chains,dump the bull and move on. Just as you are the only one who can make yourself truly happy you can make yourself unhappy. A truly happy hard working upwardly mobile person will soon have all the friends they want. But you have to be determined and maybe angry to get over the low spots. It is what it is and no amount of wishful thinking will change that. So....start loving yourself and be determined to get the life you want. Let them all stay in bondage to their angry desert god and the publishing and real estate empire.

16

After death

by Willie647 in

i'm not a born in but my parents became jws when i was about 3 years old.

i left at 18 after i was accused of having sex with my future wife.

truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close.

Willie647

Pete Zhut, my jw wife and I stayed married almost 5 years but I lost that wife over working two jobs all the time. Those were hard days to make a living so I worked for electrical contractors during the day and stocked cans at a grocery store all night. 16 hours a day leaves only eight hours to sleep,shower,drive etc. Her mom died of cancer while we dated and her dad and older sisters were big time drinkers,I guess you could see that coming. She wasn't baptized and with no one pushing her she quit going. I provided a nice home,always had good food and 2 cars for us but was not home much to enjoy it. After a while she was hitting the clubs with her older sisters and then she was gone. I wasn't balanced at all in those days and had almost no social skills at all. But I could work and make money so that's how I survived her leaving and many other things. I was a huge neophyte in the world then. Not much call for public speaking in the world. But we had a corvette for me and a Mach one mustang for her and a expensive apartment to live in. Then she was gone. I've googled some and it looks like she never went back to the jws and has been married three or four times since. We have not been in contact since we split. In all fairness I wasn't an angel either. Everything was new to me then and the freedom was mind blowing. I got a Harley, did all the drugs of the day and drank a lot too. Made up for a lot of lost time. I didn't work two jobs anymore but never quit working hard. That is really what saved me. And I wanted all the toys and things I didn't have growing up. Good food,new clothes,cars motorcycles etc. I first became a journeyman electrician and then a Master Electrician by the age of 28. Very young to hold that license. I worked hard and took night classes so I could qualify and pass the test. My family had long since moved to Eastern Kentucky so they could serve where the need was greater so I had no contact at all. Life was good and fun. Worked hard and played hard. Concerts,motorcycle rides and camping with bike gangs,never joined but rode places with them a lot. Got a job working security at concerts with a promotion company and saw all the big bands of the time,high of course. Whoooo,what a time. Still had a lot of jw in me so I didn't get laid a lot.still treated girls like I might marry them and that wasn't cool. Dating was easy for me but sex was not. I think I was to serious too soon. Now I believe I fast tracked everything so I could get a life in before Armageddon came and killed me. I was driven. And always worked as much as possible. Then I decided to move south. I was living hard but missed my family so much and even my unfaithful wife. Lonely deep down I decided to move south so I could work my trade year around. In upstate we missed a lot of work in the winter.

16

After death

by Willie647 in

i'm not a born in but my parents became jws when i was about 3 years old.

i left at 18 after i was accused of having sex with my future wife.

truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close.

Willie647

Cheeto, that's a hard start to a life,both yours and your baby's. But it sounds like you made it too. I believe as long as your spirit isn't broken,because you refuse to be broken,you will be alright. But there is something about elders wanting to believe the worst about someone that is really wrong and helps me see how truly evil this religion really is. And your family,like mine,it's their loss.

16

After death

by Willie647 in

i'm not a born in but my parents became jws when i was about 3 years old.

i left at 18 after i was accused of having sex with my future wife.

truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close.

Willie647

Giordano, that must have felt good. I married my second wife at 23- we are still together - and she had a 2 year daughter so I was a step child raising a step child. I spanked her exactly one time and it made me sick to my stomach. I never laid a hand to her again. I corrected her other ways. She turned out fine. I'm not one of the people who are so proud to have been spanked as adults. It didn't teach me anything except the bigger stronger one got his way. I learned to tolerate pain without making a sound,and he really didn't like that. Truthfully I always looked for an opportunity to hurt him or worse. I remember once on the job he was working on a big live panel with the steel cover leaning against the wall behind him. I quietly snuck over and pushed it over crashing it into the concrete floor. Big noise. He jumped and then just stood there for the longest time. The violence stopped around that time. I think he knew bad things were coming. I never did hurt him,thank god. It was better to just get out of there. Years later I saw him briefly and we argued and I said something that really pissed him off. He got that look on his face and came at me with those big steps and violence in his eye. I was about 25 then and in real shape. I smiled a little as I was going to enjoy this so much. He saw that stopped and deflated in front of me and got away. All of a sudden he was a much nicer little man. And I never touched him. I have no respect for a man that hits women and children but when faced with someone who can hit back runs. But you are right about drunken step fathers. They can make home life unbearable. And be an elder at the same time,teaching others how to live.

16

After death

by Willie647 in

i'm not a born in but my parents became jws when i was about 3 years old.

i left at 18 after i was accused of having sex with my future wife.

truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close.

Willie647

Thanks to all of you for the comments. I've been lurking here for some time but I guess I wasn't ready till now to share. But now that I've started....... I'll tell the story. My mother and step father got together when I was about two. I have an older sister,by 2 years and can only tell what I was told about those days. I don't really remember my father as I was so young when they split. My mother always said he was older and her parents made her marry him. My sis was born when our mom was 17 and me when she was 19. Mom played the organ and moved us to NY to have a career. Our dad was there too. Then she met the piano player and ran our dad off and married him. There was something strange going on as they went to 3 states to do a divorce,marriage and adoption. I never saw my dad again but now had a new name and birth certificate and all records were sealed. And a stern step father who ran us like he was a general in the army. Both parents played music as much as they could and drank and partied hard. When they became jws nothing really changed except we didn't celebrate holidays etc. they still drank and played nightclubs while we,sister and I, stayed at friends and babysitters all the time. And the hitting began and didn't stop till I was 17 or so. My sister left to get married at 17 so she could have sex before Armageddon came. I also had a little sister years before this,four years younger than me. I went thru all the school troubles as I wouldn't do all the school stuff,you know what I'm saying. It was a terrible time of life. Tormented at school,tormented at home, then all those meetings. But I tried to be a good son but it was never enough. Drunken hungover parents were hard to deal with. I believe there is nothing worse than a hungover abusive stepfather. When the society started the elder program again we had a circuit overseer come to our house. We always had them over as we were such an good jw family. My sisters and I got hamburgers for dinner and the guests got lobster and such. I hated that and later made sure my daughter got to eat what we did no matter what. We never had any money growing up but always could afford booze and lots of it. So this overseer came over all week and they drank and played music together. Then he made my stepfather an elder. My stepfather never went door to door as he didn't want to but the co told him to write hours anytime he talked about the truth. When I was about 14 I dreamed about suicide but just couldn't do it- barely. My next dream was leaving home. I sat with them one night after I turned 17 and informed them I was leaving but they just said no and said the police would bring me back if I tried. They were right by law. All this time we were the perfect jw family at the hall. My stepfather was a electrician with a one truck company so I had worked since I was 14. I was forced to. I never did homework as we worked late, by the time he got over his hangover it was always late. One day I was called to the guidance counselors office and asked why I didn't do homework. I said because I worked. Big mistake. After being beaten for that we had to fill out weekly forms because NY had child labor laws. I could only work a few hours a week. Nothing changed,we just filled out the forms and lied and he,his elderness,signed them. And I got .25 cents an hour but only if he had money and was in a good mood. At 16 I got .50 an hour. I saved all I could and dropped out of school as my older sister had done. Pioneered and worked and planned my escape. Bought an old car,1964 ford falcon four door,of course,with a bad motor. Spent my free nights the winter I was 15 changing the motor with one from a 1961 falcon I bought for 20 dollars. Always below zero in that old barn but at least I wasn't in the house. My parents didn't get many nightclub jobs in those days so they just sat home and drank. The barn was my escape. I stayed alive in those days by dreaming of the day I could finally leave. I kept my mouth shut,worked as hard as I could and stayed low. Got my drivers license at 16,on my birthday,in my own car with my own insurance. My mother went with me for the test,I don't remember how or why she did this but stepfather wouldn't help at all. I believe he wanted to keep me enslaved as long as he could. Mostly what I remember about those days was how alone I felt. I knew my hall friends were not really my friends and had no others. As I got closer to 18 bethel started to come up. It would make my elder stepfather look so good if I went there. I had no intention of going there but I didn't tell them that. It was 1973. As my birthday got closer I asked my parents if I could leave on my birthday or did I have to wait till the next day. I lined up a place to live and planned. As the day got closer I was treated better at home. My stepfather even offered me $ 1.65 an hour to keep working for him. That was minimum wage at the time. His competitor had already offered me a job at $ 4.50 an hour because he knew I had been working for a long time and I was good at it. My parents were so proud of their little offer till I said no. Then the guilt trip began. So my birthday finally came. I got up that morning,realized no one would talk to me so I got my stuff and left. New life,new job,new hope. I went back to see my family a couple of weeks later and found they had remodeled my room,they didn't need the room for anything but they had erased every sign of me ever living there. I just didn't exist there anymore. So I left again and never went back there. Home,bad as it was,was gone. Next was the meeting with the elders and then I was gone. I never went to another meeting again. I was alone but always felt there was many worse off than me so I hung in,worked hard and survived. I didn't see family that time for the next five years.

I will write more later. Thanks for listening. I think this is good for me as I've never really spoken of those times. I feel better.

16

After death

by Willie647 in

i'm not a born in but my parents became jws when i was about 3 years old.

i left at 18 after i was accused of having sex with my future wife.

truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close.

Willie647

It was hard,Faye. At 17 I was running the sound system for the hall,quit school to pioneer full time and giving talks at circuit assemblies. I even gave the instruction talk,15 minutes at a circuit assembly. I believed it all. Our old man congregation overseer was a man I thought the world of and he sat in the meeting where I was accused by a young elder and didn't say a thing to help me. I was the leader in magazine placement and books at that hall. Had several bible studies and several people got baptized that I studied with. I helped fill seats. This was about the time the elder system was started up. I didn't even know that I was going to a judicial meeting. I was just 18 and six months old,having moved out of the house and supporting myself. I was dating a jw girl and was a virgin. We did hold hands however. The meeting was kind of a stalemate as I wouldn't admit wrongdoing as I had done nothing wrong so whoever accused me couldn't have proof. My impression at the time was the elders were a bunch of dirty old men wanting juicy info so they could do whatever to me. I denied everything,waited till the end of the meeting,stood up,didn't speak to them or shake hands,and just walked out the door never to return. Still married the jw girl but that was a bust after five years as we both grew up. So at 18 I lost my family and everyone I knew as friends. Hard but doable. I never felt a need to return. This site is really great as I don't feel so alone now. I realize I am not the only one.

16

After death

by Willie647 in

i'm not a born in but my parents became jws when i was about 3 years old.

i left at 18 after i was accused of having sex with my future wife.

truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close.

Willie647

I'm not a born in but my parents became jws when I was about 3 years old. I left at 18 after I was accused of having sex with my future wife. Truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close. No kissing,no heavy petting or anything. The elders just didn't believe me even though they watched me grow up. So I got out. I believe I was dfd but never went back to find out. I haven't seen my family in over 30 years. I looked up my mother and step father yesterday and found out they are still alive and that made me wonder about where they think they are going after death. I think they would believe they go nowhere and will just be dead but will be resurrected later. I always thought as a kid that they had a real fear of dying and that's why they became jws. So to me it's ironic that they have no hope of going to heaven at death. Am I right about the jw doctrine here?

56

jw family loves to ask df'd ones for money!

by Ghiagirl in

well it finally happened!

we have been waiting about a year for this, my dfd husbands family asked us for money.

even though his own father hasn't met our 8 month old son.

Willie647

If you help them with money,they won't thank you, they just will say Jehovah got them money. It all plays into the hands of the cult. Be strong and know the pain fades over time. It's been over 30 years for me and the pain is never really gone but it does fade. Stay strong.