Now I'm torn - do I just dimiss this, forgive it, and overlook this as if it never happened and leave myself open to more chastising over embracing some new, leading-edge tech, that hasn't yet been approved?
I think you know the answer to that. Why would you want to be with any group that would make you feel that way? Why would God want you to feel like that?
I'm thinking that it might be sufficient to get out my Bible and just read exactly what it says
I think that is an excellent idea. You will probably be surprised by how many JW beliefs don't hold up when the bible is read in context.
Dispite all of this, I still feel a spiritual need of sorts. I like what the Bible teaches as far as morality, love, kindness, praying, etc. I do not like what man adds to it like service time, multi-layer hierachies, rank, and putting men above one another.
This is good, you know what you do need and what you don't. Take that as a starting point for your spiritual journey. Listen to the part of you that knows that the lying and hypocrisy of the Watchtower is wrong.
I think if I can forget about the GB and all that malarky with Disctrict and Circuit overseers, Elders, and all that hierarchical good-ol-boys club, maybe I can get a clearer message and maybe a shred of self-esteem. The damage has been done, but I'd like to change something inside of me and try to fix it because so far how I got started out really messed me up.
I think you are on the right track. What do you think Jesus would say about a religion that leaves you with no self esteem, that makes you feel so bad that you feel damaged? Did he not say that if you did it to the least, you have done it to him?
So how does a fader as myself, who has a spiritual need they'd like to fulfill at least a little bit among loving, caring, and forgiving people, believes as a Witness (mostly as it's the closest thing to what I believe), but can't stand the Witnesses, nor being around them, suffers depression and anxiety for about 4 days after attending a meeting - how does that person fulfill a spiritual need when the people who claim to follow the same God and same teachings, are acting as a barrier?
The Watchtower engages in a lot of black or white thinking. They take minor differences in interpretation of scripture and use that to justify condemning everyone that doesn't teach exactly what they do. If you read the Greek scriptures, there were sometimes arguments and disagreements, yet these people were not disfellowshipped, as they would be in the organization today. The Watchtower may have got some things right, but does that make them better? Not when you balance that against the hypocrisy, lies and mind control. The bible says that "by this you will know that they are my disciples, that they love one another" Did you feel that love? I know I didn't. If they don't have that love, none of the rest matters, does it?
So try to avoid this kind of black or white thinking, that is just the mind control at work here. Don't reject another religion out of hand because they teach some doctrine that you object to. In the first place, you might have been mislead by the Watchtower, in the second place, what is most important is the love, not some doctrinal matter.
The damage has been done, but I'd like to change something inside of me and try to fix it because so far how I got started out really messed me up.
The fact that you are asking these questions proves that you are not damaged beyond repair. You can fix this. Keep an open mind, be willing to reexamine everything you believe, don't get hung up on the details, be open to the possibilities. Your journey may end in another faith, or in a simple belief in Christianity with no association of any formal religion, or something you can't even imagine now.
I wish you well in your journey.