Sabin, OP is the original post. Sometimes people hit the dislike button by mistake, I've done that, some days I have fat fingers. I try to leave a post explaining that, but someone could have done that and not noticed.
LisaRose
JoinedPosts by LisaRose
-
34
heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
-
-
-
34
heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
-
-
LisaRose
Forget the anniversary stuff, lack of intimacy would be the deal breaker for me. I am lucky to have that in my marriage, even though we are older. Sex and Intimcy is the glue that kind of holds things together, I can't imagine being married without that. What is the point then? Just to have someone to go out to dinner with once a week? You might as well be single, get a cat and make friends with your vibrator, and not have to put up with his issues. It's a major red flag this early in a relationship that he is just not feeling it.
Maybe it's time for a separation while you think things through. If he doesn't see it's a problem and is not willing to deal with it are you ready to have a marriage without that?
-
34
heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
-
-
LisaRose
very difficult and i am on a breaking point, I guess if he doesn't give much thought into our anniversary that is my sign...
I don't think you are being fair to him to make this a make or break issue. You know Aspies don't pick up on social niceties, this is something even regular guys have problems with, so what chance does he have of knowing this is important to you?
Don't get me wrong, I think you have a right to decide that life with someone with these issues is not what you want, but if you do decide to stay you need to spell out those things that are deal breakers, then learn to live with those things that are just petty annoyances.
So tell him your anniversary is coming up and that it's important to you that he do something romantic for you that shows his commiment. One good thing about Aspergers is that once you do get through to him he will probably never forget it, this is a discussion you only need to have once, lol. Yes, it takes some of the romance away, but it's can be a good example of adjustment s you can make to have a successful marriage with someone who is different.
And whatever he does, don't criticize him for it. If he thinks getting a vacuum cleaner is a romantic gesture, don't tell him otherwise. As they say, it's the thought that counts. I had an Aspie co-worker, I said something that hurt his feelings and he didn't talk to me for months. -
33
A new member
by Kurteousmaximus inhi... i am new and after nearly 20 years after being disassociated at 15 i would like to make contact with others who have similar difficulties.
my mother was disfellowshipped shortly after my rebellion and had all ties with both her mother and brother cut and that remains the case.. just really hacked off with not being able to put things in the proper place in my life after all these years.
for the record i don't know if i believe in god but am searching for some peace as i seem to self destruct on a regular basis.. any ideas anyone?.
-
-
LisaRose
Good morning and welcome!
It's not uncommon forpeople to still be influenced in a negative way even years after leaving a destructive religion like the JWs, so you are not alone in that. It's hard for those who have never been involved with a cult to understand why your problems don't just go away because you left. It's good to be around others who have gone through the same thing who understand why it's just not that simple.
Thereus a lot of good information here, also support and friendship, so pull up a chair, sit down and stay a while.
Lisa 🌹
-
7
How intelligent people get recruited and psychologically trapped in manipulative groups like Jehovah's Witnesses.
by Island Man inhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iauhr-trkhy
-
-
LisaRose
This is great, it explains so much. It's similar to a book I am reading right now. It explains so much about why it's possible to recruit otherwise intelligent people into a cult and why it's so hard to get cult members to leave.
-
14
The sound of a train...
by LevelThePlayingField ini remember hearing the sounds of the train horn blowing on january 1st 2015 and remembering, "another year and no armagedon".
and i was so disappointed.
i hated to hear that train whistle blow.
-
-
LisaRose
I live near an Amtrack rail, the trains pass through several times a day. I love the sound of the horn and the soft rumble of the train. It makes me feel safe, the trains are running, life is going on as it should, right on schedule, all is well.
It's nice to not have to think as about doom and gloom isn't it?
-
34
heartbroken and not sure what to do...
by Khaleesi ini don't know what to do.... i married last year and things have been very rocky.
we dated for 4 years and did have normal issues but always had a lingering doubt something was just not right in our relationship-behavior to be more specific, he is not a jw, but i am.
yes i know i married outside the "lord" but after my first marriage to a jw ended in divorce for physical abuse, i was glad i didn't married another jw.
-
-
LisaRose
Asbergers can be a problem, but it doesn't mean you cannot have a successful relationship. You need to sit down and have an honest discussion with him about your needs and his willingness to try to meet those needs. Does he feel sex is a problem? Does he see he needs to change anything? In my limited experience with Asbergers, he may need to have things spelled out, they typically do not pick up on social subtleties.
Think about the future and what you might expect going forward. Do you see yourself having children? Do you think he is capable of being a good father?
Do not let that fact that you failed in a relationship previously affect your decision. This relationship either works or it doesn't. If this cannot work, it's better to find out now than five years from now, when you have even more time invested. Think long and hard about what you want and what he is capable of.
-
28
Candace Conti
by Pubsinger inso we know that wt settled out of court for an undisclosed sum and that presumably there was a 'gagging order' attached to the settlement.. not having really thought about what a 'confidentiality clause' meant before, i assumed in the past that it meant that you weren't allowed to disclose the amount of the settlement or any details about it.
but from the total and absolute silence once the settlement was made, i can only assume that it is a total gagging order.. how can the courts allow such a restriction to be put on a victim?
protecting the abusers and allowing the institution to cover up the lengths they go to to avoid admitting their guilt?
-
-
LisaRose
If they settled out of court, it was the choice of the parties involved, the courts cannot prevent a person from reaching a settlement.
And her name is Candace Conti, not Conte.
And what she probably agreed to was not a "gagging order", but a non disclosure clause. A gag order (not gagging) is usually issued by a judge during a trial to prevent people from talking about it. Again, it was an agreement between the two parties in the case, the courts cannot (and should not) prevent two parties from reaching such an agreement.
-
36
Hello to everybody!
by John Free ini wanted to introduce myself.
like many of you i was born-in, am married with one child.
after 36 years of this cycle: doubts-thought stopping- suppression- indoctrination-cult mode i realised enough was enough.
-
-
LisaRose
Welcome!
I am so happy your daughter will not have to live the guilt ridden life of a Jehovah's Witness. Good for you for giving her that precious gift.
Lisa 🌹
-
14
Found Nephew. Sisters incredible reaction.
by umbertoecho ini won't make this long.
i went out again and found him.
got in through the back door, pushed him to wake up, got him out, fed him, watered him and said he was family and i have a plan.. we talked all day, i let him do what he does, in order not to scare him about the future change that could happen for him.
-
-
LisaRose
She cannot admit that she might not have done the best for him, so she makes you into the villain so she can feel good about herself. It's pretty predictable with JWs, with most people really.
Good for you for doing what needed to be done and putting up with her abuse. I am sure your nephew will be grateful, although if he gets better she will hate you all the more.