I was a heavy drinker the last few years of my JW life, it was a coping mechanism of a sort I guess. I've cut down gradually over the years, I'm down to maybe 3 to five drinks a week. It feels good to have control and just enjoy it and be able to stop.
LisaRose
JoinedPosts by LisaRose
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What is your relationship with ALCOHOL?
by nicolaou inhere in the uk new drinking guidelines have been issued which suggest "no more than 14 units a week - equivalent to six pints of beer or seven glasses of wine.".
another piece of the advice which is getting a lot of attention is that "if people drink, it should be moderately over three or more days and that some days should be alcohol-free.".
already people are making cries of "nanny state!
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Hello, I'm new here too!
by redpilltwice inhi everybody, 1st post here.
20 years jw, elder for 6 years, regular pioneer for 3 years, have always been following the 2012 candace conti abuse case with much interest, especially since the case suddenly disappeared from www.watchtower.com's news section (thanks brother j. r. brown, office of public information, because it led me to "worldly" websites for more info), leading to more and more dissatisfaction , leading to jwfacts, jwsurvey, ad1914, wtdocuments etc., leading to my awakening about 4 months ago, now fading faster and faster to zero meetings and zero field service...and you know what?
it feels good!.
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LisaRose
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Slightly different approach - JW my tradition
by closed inhello everybody :) i have been visiting this forum for some time.
i noticed that many can't really free from the past in the org despite many years outside of jw.
i was awaken with a bang.
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LisaRose
Welcome, thanks for your experience. Everyone has to weigh the pros and cons and do what they think best, everyone has different circumstances and there are no easy ways out of this organization, as we all know too well.
Just food for thought, as someone who has been totally out for many years, I think I have perspective that someone who is still in could not have.
You and your family may be suffering in ways you don't realize, just because you are so used to it. I slogged along for years, not really believing in it whole heartedly, but thinking it was still a good way of life. It was only after I left that I realized how much it was affecting me in a very negative way, how toxic it all was. You say your children have been shunned through no fault of their own, do you think that didn't hurt them?
While you may feel that, on the whole, this religion is a good deal for you, it is not the same for others. Many have been abused and are suffering due to hidden child sex abuse, abusive marriages, depression, missing out on educational opportunities, etc. The person sitting next to you in the Kingdom Hall may want to leave, but they look at you and think "brother Closed keeps going and he is a nice person, so it must be the right thing to do". I know because I used to be that person, looking at good people like you who managed to keep going and thinking the problem was only with me.
Your being a part of this organization, even if it's to a lesser degree than before, validates it and gives it power and authority. You are helping to maintain the status quo of an organization you know to be corrupt, because it suits you to stay at this time. This is not a criticism, I was in for thirty years myself, but it is was it is.
There are other religions out there that offer guidance and spirituality without the negative baggage of a cult. This religion harshly criticizes other religions, but a lot of what they say is exaggerated or false. I have been to a few that were great. Not all religions believe in a literal hell, some have no doctrine, leaving it to the individual to decide and letting the bible speak for itself, their purpose is spiritual and moral support in a Christian way of life. I found it quite refreshing. They don't tell you what to think, say and do, what a concept! No burdensome requirements, just love and support.
You might consider whether you are staying because there is good in this religion, or because to change now would be very, very hard. I get it, change is scary, the path through is uncertain, and leaving will be horrible, at least for a while. It's monumental, a way of life, and you must be certain it's the right choice. But it is a choice people have made, so it is possible.
Lisa 🌹
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Hello, this is my first post
by noralee inhello, this is my first post, i would like to introduce myself and say thank you to every one on this forum, you have been a lifeline to me these last few years.. i had been a jw for 30 years when i walked away a few years ago disgusted by the treatment victims of child abuse, domestic abuse and rape receive from the wtbts.. at first i thought it was a local problem, elders personal opinions, the way they handled the situations, imperfect men etc., until i checked out jehovahs witnesses and child abuse/domestic abuse online.
that's when i realized they had the same modus operandi worldwide.
that led me here, tbuo this forum, and then to crisis of conscience, jw facts, watchtower documents, jw survey, old watchtower literature and cd s, reading a couple of steve hassans books, and more recently exiting the jw cult.. the feelings of shock, betrayal, anger at the wtbts, angry with myself for being so gullible, depression, reflection, loneliness, have taken their toll.
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LisaRose
Welcome Noralee, I am happy to see another new person here. I am sorry you feel you can never forgive yourself, I have struggled with this feeling myself, seeing my adult children deal with life's problems and wondering if they would have an easier time if I hadn't raised them in a soul sucking cult. How can you not feel guilty about that? But you must forgive yourself, you really must. Not just for yourself, although that is important, but for you family and so that this sick religion doesn't steal another minute of your precious time and energy, don't let them win.
We were manipulated and used and it was NOT your fault. It has happened to a lot of good, intelligent people, and you and I are no better, but also no more at fault than they. Keep remembering that you did find your way out, while many others are still stuck inside, so give yourself some credit. Guilt can be a useful emotion, it's what tells us that we did something wrong, but once you have done all you can to fix your mistake and make amends it can become a negative thing, it keeps you from fully embracing your life as it is now and holds you back from being your best self. If your children had joined this cult instead of you, would you want them to feel guilty about it for the rest of their lives? Of course not, you would want them to move on and heal and you should want the same thing for yourself.
One long lasting effect of being in a toxic religion like the JWs is how worthless they make you feel. You were told for years that you were never good enough, your own desires are suspect, your own needs are not important, you only exist to fill the needs of Jehovah (but in reality the needs of the borg). Well, here is a secret it took me a while to figure out; sometimes it's good to be selfish! Sometimes you need to be a little selfish to take care of your own needs and do what you have to do to live your best life.
I highly recommend two things for those struggling with difficult emotions, meditation and journaling. Journaling is useful for getting your thoughts up and out. Just sit down every day and write, no filters, no purpose, just write, write write. Julia Cameron, in her book The Artists Way, recommends this for unlocking the creativity we all have in us, and even if you are not an artist, we all need to be creative to be our best self, don't we? I like to do a page a day, after a time you will see a pattern emerge, and start seeing why and how these guilt feeling pop up, and it will help you stop that negative thinking.
Meditation is also very good at calming the mind and learning to think in more positive ways. It also offers serious, proven health benefits, I have been able to keep my blood pressure under control without medication, simply by meditating for a few minutes every day. I also find it makes me more organized and productive for the rest of the day, so it's time well spent and has been life changing for me.
Lisa 🌹
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CoBE Joins those Elders Deserting the Sinking Ship
by The Searcher infrom a reliable source:.
a young cobe - late thirties, maybe forty - has resigned in december 2015, both as the cobe and as an elder.
word is that he is a man with a young family who is stressed out and has had enough.
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LisaRose
Stress is often given as a reason for elders stepping down, it's fairly socially acceptable, and it could be true. It could also be he is tired of begging for money for the governing body when he knows people are already giving as much as they can, I can't imagine it's a very pleasant experience. But he wouldn't be able to give that as a reason, could he?
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Star Wars VS Caleb and Sophia
by PaintedToeNail ini took my girls to star wars last night, their inebriated father came along.
the girls absolutely loved it.
all the way home they were asking questions about the force and leia and han, luke and so on.
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LisaRose
Smart kid, sometimes children are better at spotting the lies. When my daughter was four she urged me to divorce her dad and marry a rich man so I could quit work and stay home with her. Too bad I didn't follow that advice, lol. -
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LisaRose
My resolutions
Loose ten pounds
Stop posting on JWN
Get off all prescription medications. At one time I was in four, down to one, would likto get off of it. t
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Merry Christmas!
by lambsbottom inwow, 4 years!
it has been a real journey.
going from a devout jw, to having a close call with a loved one possibly needing a transfusion, to researching the heck out of everything, to letting it rest and go back to sleep for a while, to moving states and almost going crazy knowing all the bs they were speaking from the platform.
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LisaRose
I am so happy for you, glad things are going well, thanks for letting us know. So many times people come here in a crisis, get support, then move on in their lives. That's really what should happen, but it's nice to get confirmation sometimes.
Felix Navidad!
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Favourite Christmas presents!
by nicolaou inmy son bought me a 64gb micro sd card for my phone!
"what kind of geeky xmas pressie is that nic?!
" i hear you cry.
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LisaRose
I got a new Ryobi drill/driver and a new Jigsaw. My old ones were worn out, so I'm pretty excited about that. Some clothes and jewelry too, but I'm more excited about my tools, lol. -
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American accents, Bette Midler, Clinton, Rick Fearon, Strathclyde, Morningside
by slimboyfat ini used to enjoy being able to distinguish different local accents, but for some reason i've got worse at it.
i was thinking about this today when i was listening to bette midler on the scottish radio.
i thought to myself i quite liked her accent and also that it reminded me of someone else.
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LisaRose
e don't say 'eh'; we end our sentences with 'right?' And i never heard the word 'hoser' before the McKenzie Bros. movie came out in theatres (Strange Brew).
My daughter has an ear for languages, and can do just about any accent, she saw the move like five times and did a "Strange Brew" thing for months after seeing it. People have actually asked her if she is English, or Australian or whatever.
The only way I can tell Canadians is the way some say "aboot" instead of about