No one tried to make him feel guilty but he knows what God would have to say about it. Sorry, that is my religious belief and I am not about to change them due to someone else opinion about it. I respect their opinion and I also have mine. .And they do have a lot of statisitic (non religious based ) that you can get addicted to porn like you can so many other things .
And he was the one who told me due to depression of what a Dr told him several months ago ( he has genetic defect that cannot be corrected and it will affect him all his life, that he got into some stuff he never bothered with before. He was actually on a Fitness forum tring to find out more about his medical problem when he started chatting to someone who eventually sent a porn link to him saying, "this will cheer you up". Then he sent it on to his cousin and said, "Look what this guy sent me" It's not like he was going all over the net to find porno links. My sister admits he only sent a link to her son for one porn picture. Remember she was reading back months of their chats. She said she was able to go back from June back to Jan.No other porn links but he did use dirty words alot during that time. And before that he made a fuss if my husband cussed in front of him.
He used to be a pretty happy kid before he found out the news from the DR. But he also told me he's glad he was found by my sister. That he was miserable the last few months and didn't seem to know how to get out of the mess of it all. That he was glad he could talk to an adult now about how he had been feeling .
Porn actually wasn't the highest on his interest list. He only sent the one link to his cousin .But my sister said in alot of his chats he started sounding like, life was hopeless. Who even gives a f---k anymore , the world stinks" and also getting into political talks with his cousin which JW's avoid.Talking about guns and fighting in wars etc. which again JW's don't like and my sister wasn't happy reading what he was wrting about it. Also I think she said in one chat her son mentioned that his mom controlled his life and my son said, "Well, when you're 18, you can tell them to"go to hell". Well, she didn't like that as JW's Parents want to control you ALL your life.
She felt he was mentally disturbed by the things he said to his cousin in his posts, but when people are depressed they say lots of heavy things. Unpleasant things.
A middle aged elder at church is working with him now. I told him all about my son. I held back at first twondering what he would think of us, as my on thinks highly of the guy. He's a cool guy who lives on 30 acres with his wife and two kids. alligators live in pond. He has wolves that live on his land. Some wild donkeys, a bob cat and a bunch of other critters as he lives next to a nature preserve
The guy is a former Coast Guard officer After that he owned and ran a Golds Gym in Ca and was a personal trainer to a few celebrities as well aas the general public.
He wasn't judgemental and said he would love my son no matter what he'd done but you can't just keep on that way. You gotta get out of it, and that shunning a person and pushing them away is not a way to help them. He's helping my son work out with weights to gain more confidence over his genetic defect.
My son is doing much better now staying away from negative websites and getting out more in the fresh air. He was on the computer too much. He used to be an outdoors kid.
Another guy at church. Well his brother, a non church member enrolled my son in his welding classes he teaches and my son really likes the guy and the classes. He also got a part time job also at the food market down the road . He's doing much better. He laughs more and has more outside interests.
I'm happy my sister told me about it. This is the funny thing. She doesn't know squat about computers. She just learned to do email and was just pushing keys on the computer and her sons chat log came up on screen. I do think maybe that was meant to be and I'm happy I found out about it because I can tell you my son is much happier and acts as though like burdern has been lifted off his shoulders. You're mistaken if you think in our household we were trying to make him feel like a dirty dog or guilty. We've always treated him in a loving way. I grew up in a house with a step father addicted to porn and that guy got really sick in his brain. I can't tell you all the sick things he did, to even his own kids.
I did not want to see my son get tangled up in that kind of stuff.
And he admitted he's much happier and at peace leaving it alone. Staying out of negative chat sites.Not being on the computer so much. He said he was his happiest when he was on his church youth chat groups. One thing about my son . He has no qualms IF you ask him, telling you honestly how he feels.
So, I'm not mad at my sister finding it out, as she said her son had been acting isolated and depressed lately also, and wouldn't go out and play basket ball anymore. Didn't want to go to the beach with them. Just wanted to game on his computer all day.
I also noticed that in my son. He would game on his computer for hours and then when he got off he was mouthy and snippy to anyone who asked him a simple question. had head aches all the time. wasn't getting enugh sleep.
So, I feel some good came out of her telling me about how they were talking. I also took away one computer. We had two. Before his sister would be doing her homework on one and he would be gaming beside her on the other one. Now , all three of us has to share one computer. It's less convienent but he doesn't have much time to game now as we all have to take turns on it.
What I'm upset about is the way my sister handles unpleasant things. She just stays away from the person. Avoids them like the plague. Sympathise but keep away from them.That's the difference between us. I don't turn my back on people just because I don't believe the way they do. Especially not in their time of need.
I never avoided her when she was ill and crying to me everyday making me depressed like she was. I used to tell my husband that I couldn't smile anymore because if I had happy thought during the day, talkig to her at night would bring me back down. That was back when she was sick and depressed about finding out her husband was on drugs.
So, she's better health wise and her life is going a little bit better now. But now my son has problems and she says she's shocked and sorry about it, as she didn't know . And then she just avoids talking to me and cut her sons contact off with my son. They can't even say hi to each other. And there is just silence.
And I think, You know, how does she not know that maybe her older sons used to or maybe even do talk that way around other guys. They might do it but she didn't hear it. She is pretty much out of the world and doesn't really know what goes on around her.
I was the one who told her things about her own religion she didn't know. Charles Taze Rusel and his facination with Pyramids etc. Some pagan originms of some of thier beliefs. She didn't even know that, but then that's another whole topic as she says they have "new light" and won't even discuss some of their former beliefs and teachings that at one time, years ago she was willing to argue about.
Why? Because se they have since CHANGED many of them. I still have some old JW books on my shelf she gave me back in the 80's but they threw theirs out. Isn't that funny.
Anyway, I think she blames her sons attitude on my son.And if he stays a way from him all will be well. And she has to avoid me or I will sk her why they are avoiding my son like he is forever tainted or something.
I feel like if she ever calls again to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I can't talk to you ever again. You let your former drug addict , thieving arrested for DUI husband back in your home. I must keep my kids safe from that kind of evil."
If I was really mean I might add, "Your kids might turn out just like him, so my kid should stay away from yours".
But, it's not her sons fault how she feels. She used to be a kind hearted person until she became a Witness. She hardened up a lot after that.
She became more "know it all and arrogant". Funny thing , when I used to ask her questions of what she thought of this or that scripture in the Bible
Last night I was thinking."Don't think about her. Don' t let her cross your mind too much. She took alot out of mne as it was during the rough years she was having. I wish her good health but from now on I am just going to concentrate on helping my own family.
Next time something happens in her family she can let her JW friends help her out. They didn't before but when she needed it ,maybe this time they will cause I don't think my hubby will anymore.
dawn
