kw, I'm so sorry you are going through the painful process of losing connection w/your mom. I went through the loss of my entire extended family, parents, siblings, and ILs, over the last year due to leaving JWs. There is some great advice here, but let me say that the thing that helped me the most was remembering what my therapist helped me understand. It is really quite simple, but quite profound. Stop worrying about everyone else, let go. You only need to take care of you and your children. Everyone else can take care of themselves, they are responsible for their own choices. They alone will have to deal with the reprecussions of their choices. You only have so much energy and why waste it on something you can't change. Instead of sending all this energy into something negative, redirect it into something positive. That is, in making your relationship stronger with those whom you love and those who love you. My children are my #1 priority and I am teaching them how to be good citizens of this planet, how to live a full life, and how to appreciate the beauty that surrounds us everyday.
Stop and think about what I've said and how much energy you are giving away, how much power you are willingly handing over to someone who is manipulating your emotions. Do you want to look back on your children's early years and remember a blur of pain? Wouldn't you rather have positive feelings radiating from this preciously short period? Take back your power, give yourself permission to tell your mom that are who you are and that she can either accept that or move on. You will need time to grieve this loss. I did, it took many months to get where I'm at. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The pain will wear away and will be replaced with the happiness of knowing you are living a genuine life and giving your children the very best life you can.
I wish you the best.