http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s_Witnesses
OMFGROTFL
Jesus' returnJehovah's Witnesses believe that Jesus already came in 1914 1918 1946 Jesus is coming soon noone knows when Jesus is coming. It is felt that his return is based on finding a way to make the Watchtower publication profitable. To date, this has not been accomplished.
CustomsJehovah's Witnesses are well known for their habit of wearing suits; this is not because they are uptight dorks, but rather because most courtrooms require formal attire, and they do not want to risk being held in contempt of court.
Teachings
Some Seventh Day teachings stolen and repackaged includes the Disappointment of 1844 and the slogan "Off with her head!" as well as Queen Mary's tenets of imprisoning and/or beheading members who challenge church authority. Charles Taze Russell also stated that the Great Pyramids of Egypt predicted a huge event would occur in 1914. In 1914, when World War I started, he was quoted as saying, "I told you so."
When reminded that he didn't include a zero year on his calculation, (If correct, would have predicted something really big happening in 1915) Russell quickly chopped off the arm of the dissender, drained their blood, threw the poor soul in the hospital, and informed the doctor that the dissender is a Jehovah's Witness and not to replace their blood; a practice that's done to dissenders to this day. The practice, originally known as "dis-membershipping" is now known today as "disfellowshipping".
You are allowed to have your arm re-inserted after a punitive period that lasts for at least 6 months. That practice, known as "re-insertion" is now known as "re-instation".
“Prepare to be assimilated. Resistance is futile”
- ~ A Jehovah's Witness on Jehovah's Witnesses
ummm, just a tad cultish