Posts by IMHO

56

Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO in

i've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.. my wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.. other posts talk about friends and family.

i have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).. i went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.. i've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.. she went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand.

i forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.. we both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings.

IMHO

I thank you all (with just a couple of exceptions such as Robdar and Gregor) for your words.

I feel for those who say they are going through similar situations.

I admit my failings and appreciate them being pointed out and the encouragement to seek help myself.

SPAZnik I like your analogies. Unfortunately at the moment I see me wife as the oxygen mask. I need to get myself sorted but I fear in her words "it's too late".

I have a few weeks she says while we put the house on the market to see if I can get her to reconsider but she is adamant that she does not want to give me any hope that she will and says she cannot believe for a moment that I will change her mind.

She's changed. For all the years I've known her, she's been the kindest most selfless person I've ever known. Not just with me, with whoever she comes in contact. Everyone has always commented on the fact that she is always smiling. She says she's been a people-pleaser her whole life and now it's time to think about herself and what she wants.

flipper I married later in life (mid 30s) my wife was a lot younger so new pastures for me are less likely not that I could even consider them anyway at the moment, if ever.

56

Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO in

i've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.. my wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.. other posts talk about friends and family.

i have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).. i went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.. i've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.. she went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand.

i forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.. we both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings.

IMHO

I think I maybe be borderline agoraphobic.

I do leave the house but very rarely on my own and even then never too far or too long.

I'm fine if my wife is with me. I feel like I'm sounding more-and-more of a total head-case and that she'll be better off without me anyway.

But I do honestly want to get better and do what I can to save my marriage and not hear the words "It's too late"

Thank-you for all your responses. This conversation has really done-me-in, I need to sleep, please join me again tomorrow if you can.

56

Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO in

i've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.. my wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.. other posts talk about friends and family.

i have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).. i went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.. i've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.. she went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand.

i forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.. we both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings.

IMHO

Yknot you've hit the nail on the head there.

That is one of the big problems I have. I am willing to do it. I've been reluctant in the past as I've never held 'counselling' in high regard.

The additional problem now as I've let it go on so long is speaking to someone to arrange it.

Over the past few weeks I've asked my wife if she would arrange an appointment for me and be with me to help me explain my problems but she doesn't want to. To make things worse I really don't think I could cope with talking to a man.

I find it very had to express myself face-to-face.

My wife seems to have started caring less when she started on anti-depressants a couple of months ago.

56

Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO in

i've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.. my wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.. other posts talk about friends and family.

i have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).. i went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.. i've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.. she went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand.

i forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.. we both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings.

IMHO

We've had a lot of trouble in our life and I mean a LOT and I think it distracted us from the fact that we were neglecting our marriage. We were both unhappy and have been for a long time, but not with each other. At least I didn't think or know so.

If I had known before she cheated that it needed saving I would have started to, or at least tried to then.

56

Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO in

i've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.. my wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.. other posts talk about friends and family.

i have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).. i went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.. i've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.. she went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand.

i forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.. we both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings.

IMHO

Thank-you FreudianSlip, I appreciate what you say.

Due to my mental state I cannot make friends in the real world at the moment as I can't talk to people. My wife does everything for me that I can't do online. Makes all telephone calls, answers all calls. If she's not there the phone doesn't get answered.

And I suppose I don't want to admit the marriage has failed because despite the fact I know that it takes two. I would view myself even more as a failure. I just give up without trying but I really don't know what to try?

Ultimately I want her to be happy. I just want to be the one to make her so. Maybe I'm just being selfish. I fear living without her. I fear whether I can live without her.

56

Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO in

i've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.. my wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.. other posts talk about friends and family.

i have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).. i went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.. i've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.. she went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand.

i forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.. we both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings.

IMHO

Thanks for the reply and the suggestion of marriage conselling. I have suggested that but the answer was basically "NO", she doesn't want to try anything.

I don't have much strength (emotionally) but I feel I can't just give up without a fight.

56

Help please - my wife wants a divorce

by IMHO in

i've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.. my wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.. other posts talk about friends and family.

i have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).. i went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.. i've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.. she went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand.

i forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.. we both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings.

IMHO

I've read some old posts and they don't really fit my situation.

My wife just told me she wants a divorce and that's it after nearly 20 years., she doesn't want to try to work on it.

Other posts talk about friends and family. I have no family and no friends (due to a lot of traveling).

I went back to my hometown a year ago (after many years away) and even then old friends treated me as a stranger, like they've moved on.

I've had a lot of emotional / mental problems, basically a breakdown so have found it impossible to fulfill my role as a husband for many years, emotionally and physically and she said she's had enough, although she's never talked about it before.

She went out and had an unplanned one-night-stand. I forgive me but she says she doesn't love me anymore.

We both find it very difficult to communicate our feelings. I want to change although it will be hard with my emotional, mental and physical condition and want her to stay but she will not even give me a chance.

Any help gratefully appreciated.

39

Governing Body's new neuroscience program better than Cambridge University

by Dogpatch in

i don't know what to make of this.

i assume this is a real lecture given in cyprus, apparently recently (original jw email dated dec. 1st).

anyone know this guy?

IMHO

Just had to resurrect this old thread as it mentioned "Harry Cotton" or should I say "DR. Harry Cotton".

Only if you believe that a degree that can be bought is bonafide. A degree that is not different to what is offered in many a spam email.

It certainly was not from some English University as someone mentioned earlier.

His company CIE is not recognized by the Ontario Ministry of Education, nor are they authorized to teach or offer degrees in Ontario.

Have you heard of a diploma mill - meet Harry Cotton.

I picked this up from another forum;

This is NOT a university but a private organisation that provides a non-degree TESOL course, but they are 'affiliated' with Weston and supposed 'graduates' of CIE can get a degree from their affiliate university. No mention about accreditation or whether its recognised anywhere.

The Registrars mail address is in Spain.

Mr Jenkins (another joker now pretending to be an MD in Spain) calls himself a pofessor but does not work at a university. He only has an m.Ed and there is no indication he actually works for Weston Reserve University or any other recognised university.

Perhaps I would like to ask Mr Jenkins where he got his Masters degree from, why his postal address is in Spain and what value is accreditation by a non-degree issuing organisation.

Affiliation means absolutely NOTHING.

Other things that seem extremely fishy to me.

He lists the Canadian Institute of English on the campus of Saint Peterburg University campus in Malaga in Spain. A google search turns up a university with that name in Russia but nothing in spain. Sounds to me like a dummy company set up for this purpose.

He uses a Canadian email address but a Spanish postal address for CIE.

Weston Reserve uses an "org" address which is used for organisations and not educational institutions which use something like ac. or edu. in their suffixes.

Then even allow pioneers to count they 'hours' towards getting their 'degree'.

They change their 'linked' university every few years when the internet starts filling up with the truth of the previous.

Last one I heard of was set up in Armenia, The Yerevan Culture University. It's of course been shut down now.

CIE was is the past affiliated with Berne university, Bircham International university and Warnborough university. All three are blacklisted on the ODA list.

And as for 'DR.' Harry Cotton where did he get his degree. Oh yes I did mention it, that very same Berne university, a beachfront internet course which has been shutdown in St. Kitts.

57

JW spanking their kids

by asilentone in

what do you think about jw spanking their kids at the kingdom hall?

IMHO

Why do people have to be so judgmental. They're entitled to their opionion but that doesn't mean they are right.

In this thread people have quoted 'experts' who say it's wrong to smack. But what do 'experts' know? What makes them an expert?

Way back in the 1940's and 1950's, Dr. Benjamin Spock made popular the idea that spanking children was not good way to discipline them. In fact, Dr. Spock claimed that spanking kids actually hurts them and so spanking kids should be avoided at all costs.

UK child psychiatrist, Professor John Pearce, is on record as thinking that childcare over the years has gone astray. "I would warn against free expression," he says. "Children need to develop self-control or they become overactive. It's sad when parents are too frightened to set boundaries."

Dr. James Dobson wrote in The Strong-Willed Child (1978): “Corporal punishment in the hands of a loving parent is a teaching tool by which harmful behavior is inhibited.”

So it seems that some are saying the 'experts' that agree with me are the ones that are right.

Experts get it wrong. Dr Spock himself said he got it wrong.

The Journal of Lifetime Living said: “The child psychologists, wrangling over scheduled versus demand feeding, spanking versus non-spanking, have found that none of it makes much difference so long as the child is loved.” Even Dr. Benjamin Spock, author of Baby and Child Care, took part of the blame for the lack of parental firmness and the resulting delinquency. He said blame rested on the experts, “the child psychiatrists, psychologists, teachers, social workers and pediatricians like myself.”

The answer is LOVE your child, they will know. Even the JWs have always said you should never smack (spank) a child in anger.

Some need a smack, some need a good 'telling off', some just need 'a look'.

Look at the results. These days childen have a lot less physical punishment at home and certainly at school. Has it made children better or worse generally?

16

Signing Publisher Record Cards

by IMHO in

jw
friends

i know this doesn't apply to all countries.. however, is it a 'requirement'?.

is it enforced?.

is it optional?.

IMHO

Under the Data Protection Act you can ask to see any information written about you.

But they have that covered too as any 'letter of introduction' is read then destroyed so they can honestly say they have no stored information on you. Whereas the dirt is stored in their heads and can easily be made worse by bad memories, interpretations and personal oponions.

The Act should make them liable to tell you anything they know about you. Impossible to enforce though unless you catch them out passing info on.