Posts by depressed

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

well, this whole thing happened back in March. I had moved the blog so that no one from his job can read it.

In time, I changed the blog, and spoke about my sadness, anger, and made fun of the other woman along the way. She tried to get my husband's lawyer to sue me, but she did not succeed.

The only dummies logging into the blog are my stbx husband himself, his "worldly" mistress, his PO dad, his pioneer mom, and his DF sister. The divorce is currently being finalized and they are still peeping toms.

My brother, who's DA, told them off online. He told the father to go give a bible study instead of looking into the Internet, the "devil's gateway".

Anyway, this whole thing is upsetting. I guess that I just have to get over it...

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

Based on what I'm reading here, I guess that the father is financing the divorce because he believes that I am a scriptural danger to his son. That must certainly be the reason. So this PO guy, would rather have me lie on the witness stand (as I had to do for the State) and say that my husband did xyz to me, so as long as the son is free to remarry, and be "spiritually salvaged". Well, why can't I be spiritually salvaged with him?? Why throw me away like yesterday's newspaper, and not work towards making the ENTIRE family "spiritual" instead of only the son???

I didn't want a divorce.

I didn't do anything to merit one.

I realize that God hates a divorce.

God, they are such hipocrites!!

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

thanks Avid,

What excuse did your wife use to file for divorce? Aren't there only 2 reasons for a divorce? Adultery and death?

I'm still wondering what excuse my husband told his parents to not only divorce me, but finance the divorce. They are also shunning me.

The injustice still torments me. He was the one who had the affair!

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

okay, here's what I wrote. I guess I made it sound a little to harsh, but here's the real piece that I forwarded to the office:

I am starting to write a blog/diary about my situation, which is that my husband wants to obtain a separation. He's been such a loving husband, and he's also been good to me (for the most part) for the past 10 years; however, recently (on the week of March 11th) he's "fallen out of love with me" or so he says.

The reason for this is because he's fallen in love with another woman -although he frequently denies this. No, he hasn't fallen for a beautiful younger woman - like most normal men would leave their wives for, but for a woman who's approximately 9 years my senior. I like to call her the bar maid, although her real name is Kathleen. She's not a barmaid, actually, she's a "construction project manager" in the XX section of the XXX. She's also about 43 years old (I'm 34), she has two kids (I have none), she has a pot belly. However, what draws my husband to her is that her personality and looks remind him of his mother. This Kathleen person is also Irish, and she loves to frequent bars. This fact appeals to my husband because he is currently enthused with the bad boy life, like Johnny Cash and Slash from Guns and Roses, and he wants to express that by hanging out at bars -wearing big construction boots, getting a truck, feeling young and sexy again. (But hey, I don't critize him for this, who doesn't want to feel "sexily desired"?) My husband also seems to be in this little boy subconscious stage where he wants to be taken care of, instead of taking care of.

Getting back to the subject, my husband tells me that this woman has a big black book composed of different men she used to see every Saturday. She's that type of independent person. Who can blame her. According to what my husband told me, she herself caught her own husband in her bed with a 28 year old, so my personal guess is that she'd like to get rid of whatever negative feelings she herself might harbor by subconsciously feeling and being that desired 28 year old.

My husband tells me that he wants a divorce because I am a career women (since I'm studying for business school) and that I'm not the type of person who would serve him, cook and clean a house.. Apparently he's never mentioned anything about this, but all of a sudden - on the week of March 11th, he sees this as very immature. Well, apparently the other woman (the bar maid) has two kids, so of course she's going to cook and clean for them - heck, I'd cook for my children. I would do anything for my children. Lets keep in mind that my husband is already comparing me to this individual. Well, I totally disagree with him about my being a career woman. First of all, I don't work for a major corporation. Second, I've been working in a unionized computer support position for the past 5 years - until very recently when I was promoted to web developer/coder. Second, no one should question if I want to further my education - that is my given choice. That is each person's choice. The point is that I wanted (still want) to have children and yet help with finances so that I may help raise my children and earn a decent living. Any normal human being - especially those of us who are married should be able to understand this. What confuses me is that my husband and I spoke about our goals recently and he was 100% supportive of me getting an advanced degree. Well all of a sudden - after March 11th - it's an issue. Meanwhile, this manipulative Kathleen woman, the barmaid, is telling my husband that I am more of a career woman just by the fact that he told her that I am studying for an advanced degree. Well, that's easy for her to say, she already has her children, and she's already gone thru her career. Supposedly, she worked at IBM during the information systems boom in the early 90's, and was somehow able to get herself a "buyout". Supposedly, she's just working at her current job because "she doesn't have anything better to do". Plus given her expressive qualities - her communication skills, it's easy for her to get high paying work. I'm not making excuses nor am I looking for pity , but I didn't have a pleasant childhood so it's very difficult for me to have that self-confidence most people would have when they are trained correctly from a very young age. I can only assume that she has that training.

I find it amazing that on the month of February, when Kathleen quit her job, my husband told me all of these things about her. He said that she tried to get him a job as her personal houseboy for the same amount of money he's currently making. That's when my flags went up and I asked him if she's interested in him. He said of course not, and I believed him. However, at the time, I found it quite odd that a woman would want a male co-worker to be her personal houseboy.I found it even stranger that she would return to the job after she quit. Now I fully understand why - and I'm not just talking about the affair she was having with my husband.

Well, here I am alone, at least I still get to keep this old furniture and my rent-stabalized apartment. I'm definitely getting rid of the furniture - I wanted to give it to my husband but he tells me that he doesn't want it. It's so weird, just two days ago, he was telling me that he wants our furniture because he doesn't want to accept a couch that his gay co-worker was trying to give him as a gift. My husband says that he doesn't want to sleep on anything that might have had an inkling of ass sex. How narrow-minded of him, oh well - I guess it's his loss.Okay, moving on, how exactly did I find out that my husband was seeing this woman and that she's a key contributor to my family breakup? Please feel free to tune in tomorrow.

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

they already tried to sue me a while back, but had absolutely no success. The reason why they didn't have any success is because everything that I wrote about them was true. My lawyers told me that it was okay to continue with the blog - as long as everythng there was true.

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

thanks guys for your help!

Just wanted to clear some things. Back when my husband left me - (he had the audacity to move out all of his things when I was at work to make it seem as if I'm abusing him) I became very angered at his cheating and in the fact that he had lied to his parents. So I composed the online journal and forwarded the link to his co-workers, so that they can all see that he's involved with the older woman there. In the journal, I spilled out all of the office secrets, including who's gay, etc, and I copied and pasted the love emails that the other woman wrote to my husband, and forwarded the link to his entire office. Hey - I was very upset because he made me out to be a liar. However, he later took advantage of this, and used it as proof that I'm an evil woman in front of his parents.

Shortly thereafter, however, I moved the url of the journal, and left things alone.

BUT, I notice that my stbx husband still continues to stalk me online. In fact, he has been stalking me for the past 8 months. We are already finalizing the divorce and he still stalks me.

He stalks me by doing google searches for me and by viewing every little thing that I post. (I work in network admin and know how to read IP's and his work IP is all over my web metric logs.

To make a long story short, after I contacted his parents, now I see his parents doing the same google searches.

Two days ago, my stbx husband had viewed the stupid journal a good 85 times.

I'm wondering why his disfellowshipped sister is also viewing my journal, and why the parents are doing the same google searches that my stbx and his DF sister are. What's the obesession???

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

thanks wasanelder for your response, but first of all, his father/family is in a different State. My husband lives in the same State as I do, but in a different apartment. We've both been inactive for quite some time already - actually for around 5 years.

My question still stands - under what condition would this PO who's the "prince's" father finance a divorce, if my husband lied about the affair, and I haven't done anything????

What are the grounds for a "legal" divorce in the organization? Do you know?

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

thanks sspo -

Yes, but it was very hard as I haven't gone to the meetings in over 5 years. But I really want to know what they said.

Another clue, maybe:

The father told me that I am welcomed to have my local elders contact him but he's NOT giving them any information.

???What's that about????

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

A clue maybe??

I have an online diary that I keep. I journaled and spoke about my husband's affair. I was so angry once, that I forwarded this journal to his job so that the other woman - who works there, can be shamed in front of her other coworkers. But I was very angry then as I felt betrayed.

My husband used my blog to show his family that I am slandering and libeling him by saying that he had an affair with his coworker. His family is constantly prying in there - as my web stats show. His family cannot stop looking at my diaries, as they actually google search for me and look for me online. Just yesterday, my husband viewed my online diary a good 81 times. Could maybe this be grounds for divorce???

47

divorce question

by depressed in

my soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in gilead.. to make a long story short, my husband and i used to serve in bethel but eventually left.

we moved around the nyc area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives.

i left the organization, because i was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped.

depressed

My soon to be ex-husband's father is the presiding overseer of the congregation and his entire family is very spiritual - including my husband's sister and her husband who serve in Gilead.

To make a long story short, my husband and I used to serve in bethel but eventually left. We moved around the NYC area where we both took on full time jobs, pursued our four year degrees, and led pretty successful lives. I left the organization, because I was tired of gossip, etc and half of my family was disfellowshipped. That is it in a nutshell. However, my husband didn't protest, but just got lazy and stopped attending meetings.

Anyway, one day, though, my husband - who was raised in the organization, had a mid-life crisis, and he started to hang out at bars, get tattoos, etc. I don't know what possessed him but wanted to divorce me as well - after 9 years of marriage. I was stunned. Well, I found out that he started an affair with a new coworker as well - with an older woman who loves to hang out at bars. She's a good 10 years older than we are, divorced, with two kids.

Suddenly, as night and day, my husband filed for divorce. I was served with papers unexpectedly.

His family disowned me, as my husband lied to them that he didn't have an affair, and told them something that I have absolutely no idea what. Whatever it was, it must have been bad because they are financing the divorce. I've had multiple nervous breakdowns since, as I have the slightest idea what my lying husband told them to make them hate me, and most of all, finance the divorce. On top of this, my husband is treating me as if I"m the one who is disfellowshipped, by pretending that I was the bad guy and playin' along as if I was the one who did the bad deed.

This happened in March, and the divorce is still in progress

Just this past Saturday, I don't know what possessed me, but I thought that I would get some closure if I called the inlaws up and just spoke honestly with them and asked them why the divorce if they don't believe in that.

What was that for?? My stbx mother in law, picked up the phone, and was extremely short with me. She passed the phone over to her husband (the presiding overseer), and I started telling him that I feel very bad for the way that things have turned out. He was so short and seemed angry with me on the telephone.

So, I asked him why is it that he's angry with me, when I'm the victim around here and his son left me, not the other way around.

He got so angry - he said that I'm part responsible for what happened and that there are NO victims in my case. He said that he doesn't believe that his son had an affair, and that I can't judge him based on circumstancial evidence. Keep in mind that my "circumstancial evidence" consists of love letters I found from the other woman, and the fact that this other woman emailed me some very nasty emails regarding little personal things in my marriage that I did and did not do after my husband left me. Like how would the other woman know these things??

My in laws up to this day - 8 months later, refuse to accept that my stbx left me at the advice of the other woman. They absolutely refuse to believe it.

When I asked him, "Why else would he have left me?"

He answered in a sinister way, "So you mean to tell me that after 10 years of living together with him, you don't know why you're getting a divorce?"

I told him no, actually I don't - I found the love letters, and then he left, and then I got served with divorce papers... And this is soo true. Not once did my husband sit down with me to tell me that he was unhappy. After I found the love letters, that's when he moved out - a week later. A week after that, he filed for divorce.

They do not believe any of my story, none of it at all.

So okay, my question to you guys is this:

Since it's been years since I've attended the organization, I want to know under what conditions - besides death and adultery, would a presiding overseer shun me, and finance his son's divorce. Keep in mind that the father told me off saying that this divorce is definitely scriptural and that they are not doing anything against God's laws.