Read this earlier today and have been chewing on it a lot.... The following is just random stream of consciousness stuff...
I came on this forum when I left in 2006. Posted a bunch of stuff and opinions, most of which I still have, some thoughts and opinions have evolved. It is necessary. Of all the things that have turned the internet into a cess pool these days, the fact I had two forums (this was one of them) to just say shit and work stuff out was huge. I have a mind of my own in large part because I could express it for the first time here.
I posted once on how they took away our first names. You know, that pesky thing that was replaced by "brother" or "sister". You could literally spend an entire weekend at a CA/DC and just call everyone "brother/sister". Then get that same damn thing back. Each time, chipping away at what is you.
It matters to me more in some respects then it did just because I am now capable of owning me, if I care to. If my JW experience didn't give me such superpower skills as hiding who I really am, getting people to think I am something I am not, being able to parry, duck, dodge, and dive out of the way of the shadow of my own potential legacy.
It's a sad fact that this world IS predatory if you come from certain places. It can be a great place if you come from different places. I was a born in JW, so owning Apple wasn't in the cards for me. However, I refused to give into anger at first. Didn't want to do the self destructive thing. But I learned I had to feel and express the anger, grief and loss. I had to learn to not be ashamed of where I came from. And sometimes, I still am.
Let me repeat that last part on shame, because it IS important if you are reading this: Shame is a HUGE tool, a control tool, of the Governing Body. Ashamed of your thoughts and opinions. Ashamed you had an original thought at all. Ashamed that you have a dream, a talent you know you can express and give. Ashamed of your sexuality. Ashamed that you disagree. Yeah, shame. Take a breath, and dig in on that. You'll need to deal with it.
I had my post traumatic moment when my grandfather died a few years ago, an elder for over 50 years. I hadn't been in a KH since I sent in my resignation letter. And I sat in the front row, after being ignored by my "in" family. And the funeral talk started. And then I couldn't breathe. Couldn't even move. No moisture in my mouth. I felt paralyzed by fear. ME. Who had worked so hard for them to have no claim over me. And boy, did they f*cking have it. For 10 minutes I sat there. Stuck in a bad science fiction stun ray, unable to move. Finally, I got enough composure, started to breathe, and walked out before they sang a damn "song".
I think this post is important because the world is tough, and you have to fight through. And you need people most of the time. Somehow. And it isn't a guarantee that you'll find someone when you leave. Ironically, you'll need "faith" that someone, or something, will help you along.
Not everyone has the same resources, but get help. And if you are having issues, and the answer from some on this forum seems to be an overly simplistic "get professional help", get it. I wish I had the reserves to help more. I do enough for me. I hope to heal enough one day to help more people here or somewhere if I Can.
By the way, great post.This one rocks.