Posts by AllTimeJeff

8

Has this quote on hatred been true in your experience with JW's?

by Wasanelder Once in

i came upon this quote relating to the results of hatred: .

"i imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.

has your hatred of the organization been an effort to avoid dealing with your pain?

AllTimeJeff

PS, just my two cents, but if you stay angry at the Borg, you fulfill their "prophecies" about you. That is why I say the best revenge is to live life on your terms and be happy. (acknowledgement, happiness is pretty elusive even for non JW's, but it's worth the pursuit, or the decision to be happy...)

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Has this quote on hatred been true in your experience with JW's?

by Wasanelder Once in

i came upon this quote relating to the results of hatred: .

"i imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.

has your hatred of the organization been an effort to avoid dealing with your pain?

AllTimeJeff

Oh, I think you're on to something, but it's not just hate.

We are hard wired to avoid pain. That is why we procrastinate. That is why we lash out. We don't say what we really mean, and it doesn't have to be hate. It can be shame. It can be frustration.

It's truly a rare person that can genuinely be in possession of themselves, and admit (or know) what is really underneath.

As I like to say, anger is like 1st gear in a car. It's limited value can be in going forward again, but you can't do highway speeds in first gear either, or you'll eventually burn up and burn out.

20

New JWism in April broadcast?

by AuntBee in

does anyone know what it means to be "securely wrapped up in the bag of life"?

is this a new special wt terminology?

they said it or a slight variant of it, several times in the broadcast, perhaps 3?

AllTimeJeff

Yes, you too can be wrapped up in YHWH's "Body Bag of Life". Comes complete with a stretcher, usually used when refusing blood medicine...

50

How long is a generation?

by LevelThePlayingField in

what splain does in his talk and chart illustration is make the leap that a generation can have two groups.

and in this case the two groups span more than 108 years.

but no where in scripture is there ever a notion that a generation has two groups.

AllTimeJeff

Just read this. WOW. They're still trying to hang their collective cult hat on the word generation? Like trying to nail jello on a wall...

They shot their foot off when they re-did the explanation the first time in the mid-90's. The bad timing for GB 1.0 back then was, AOL and 28.8k modems were becoming popular. That started the information movement against the GB. They had no clue that their flock wouldn't like the fact that, yes, the generation that saw 1914 would indeed die, and, what (?!) they were lied to??? Circumstances and naivete doomed the JW's from 1995 on...

I think there must be a sense of resignation within the GB that so many within the flock are on the internet and are "faders". Splane is also following a tried and true GB method by floating ideas at talks before they are published. Franz was notorious for that. (he was also a crazy loose cannon) That's why he was couching his ideas in that talk. They aren't official doctrine yet. They are trying to figure out how to mitigate the damage while still claiming to be inspired... And to that I say, good luck, and good riddance.

11

Boundaries

by AllTimeJeff in

this post hopefully will get you thinking about therapy, along with good mental and emotional health if you are dealing with the traumatic choices associated with leaving jw's, or if you are considering leaving.

because it is a trauma.. imagine a married couple in their late 30's.

because they took last weeks watchtower seriously, they have decided to talk to an elder in their congregation because they have practiced oral sex on each other, and feel a need to confess and get "spiritual help.".

AllTimeJeff

There are likely several ways to get to a place of mental health, where you can feel good about yourself and not worry about what others think, unduly. I was surprised to learn how much shame I still carried. That is something I need to continue to work on daily.

Beware though, the Borg calls setting appropriate boundaries "rebellious". How dare you have a mind of your own, speak up if your conscience impels you, or reject something that clearly isn't anyone's business.

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Boundaries

by AllTimeJeff in

this post hopefully will get you thinking about therapy, along with good mental and emotional health if you are dealing with the traumatic choices associated with leaving jw's, or if you are considering leaving.

because it is a trauma.. imagine a married couple in their late 30's.

because they took last weeks watchtower seriously, they have decided to talk to an elder in their congregation because they have practiced oral sex on each other, and feel a need to confess and get "spiritual help.".

AllTimeJeff

Because of the horribly icky preoccupation this cults leadership has with sex in particular, many have had to have uncomfortable discussions with an elder about masturbation, sex practices, and other matters that are frankly none of anyone's business.

Confessions have been heard from JW's who had 4 (four!) drinks over several hours in the privacy of their own home and were concerned that that equates to drunkenness, even if it was one time.

When I was at Gilead, one young Bethelite who had no family in, (read, if he was kicked out, he truly had no where to go) was kicked out for playing "violent video games". He was turned in by his tortured 19 year old roommate. I hope he left with both middle fingers in the air and has discovered an awesome life for himself.

The GUILT and SHAME this cult engenders in every day behavior and thoughts is ridiculous. It causes mental problems and distress. That's why I wrote this. Get some relief. Don't carry their guilt thoughts around.

11

Boundaries

by AllTimeJeff in

this post hopefully will get you thinking about therapy, along with good mental and emotional health if you are dealing with the traumatic choices associated with leaving jw's, or if you are considering leaving.

because it is a trauma.. imagine a married couple in their late 30's.

because they took last weeks watchtower seriously, they have decided to talk to an elder in their congregation because they have practiced oral sex on each other, and feel a need to confess and get "spiritual help.".

AllTimeJeff

This post hopefully will get you thinking about therapy, along with good mental and emotional health if you are dealing with the traumatic choices associated with leaving JW's, or if you are considering leaving. Because it is a trauma.

Imagine a married couple in their late 30's. Because they took last weeks Watchtower seriously, they have decided to talk to an elder in their congregation because they have practiced oral sex on each other, and feel a need to confess and get "spiritual help."

And the elders in your congregation? Two single MTS grads, and an elder in his late 20's, who just got married last year. These are the spiritual doctors who will use the ~~cult teachings from the Watchtower~~ Bible to help nurse you back to spiritual health and a right relationship with the big guy upstairs. Just after they ask all kinds of personal detailed questions about which position you were engaged in as you were engaged in this unclean practice.

YUCK! No one in their right mind would choose to discuss such things with such unqualified people unless made to think they had to please someone. The cult destroys healthy boundaries, and allows the penetration of idiot thoughts as those appropriate boundaries are machine gunned away at every cult meeting you attend.

And it illustrates a real issue many who leave should learn to deal with. Many of us never learned what appropriate boundaries really are. We are so used to having to answer to big brother, it can cause you to not know who to talk to or share things. It can cause you to behave in a co-dependent manner. To either be abusive yourself, or to over share and sabotage potentially healthy relationships you need.

Now, some JWs do have a semblance of boundaries. I had some on occasion. I guess looking back, if I took the whole bullshit seriously, I should have gone to the elders and let them know I watched some R rated stuff on TV. Or other things (that frankly are none of your business either gentle reader) and that was for me. Certainly, reading this website and other books was a boundary I kept for myself that I will never regret. TTATT is huge!

At least I kept something for myself. That's how I was able to leave. In my recovery, I have learned from therapy and education that we should all have healthy boundaries in our life. Our stories are important to own and share, yet, people need to earn the right to hear our story. It's not just for general consumption. And you can and should be choosy about the people in your life. The healthiest people usually are picky about that, for good reason.

Recovery means learning who we are, and setting healthy boundaries. The people in our lives should be healthy for us first. Even if we care about them, if they are not good for us, you should limit your time with them. And unfortunately, that includes many JW relatives.

Good fences make good neighbors. I get that now. Not having proper boundaries is a residue that most of us will have to deal with on the way to a better life. If you are having problems with this, get some therapy. It will help immensely.

25

Being a JW kid is hell

by JRK in

in therapy, i was told i should write a letter of grievances to each of my parents.

i really do not have any for my mother, except for things that directly relate to being raised as a jehovah's witness.

upon reflection, my childhood was hell because of the religion and its pernicious corruption of a normal childhood.

AllTimeJeff

Kudos on the therapy. That is very important.

Just read your letter and some of the responses. Definitely agree with Scully. There is nothing wrong with holding your parents accountable. I love both my parents. But my Dad is still being himself, and I while I am grateful for life and the things he provided for me, he is responsible for a very large share of the bullshit that happened to our family. Whether he likes that or not. And I am not going to pretend or be delusional just so I can have something to hang my hat on family wise, because that isn't healthy. He still lies to me and isn't a part of my life, so that's on him.

My mom left prior to her passing several years ago. We reconciled. She apologized for all of her stuff, as I did mine. To me, that is the only real way to have a good relationship.

As an aside, (and I am sure your therapist will help you here), the shame thing that permeates JW's and all relationships that flow through this fruity little cult is still a big deal, and a very underrated way to recover if you have left. If I had one piece of advice I would give to myself when I first left, it would be to deal with the shame and embarrassment that was bubbling underneath. I believe it's something all who leave this cult deal with in one form or another. And if you have been molested, then of course it's very real.

I wish you the best in your healing.

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