I really appreciate this site, and by reading your post, I miscarried during my second pregnancy years ago and was 'shown' from the bible and the WTS how there is no hope for me to see that unborn child. Shortly thereafter, I changed congregations and found the same kinds of attitudes toward any type of suffering as well and was rebuked for seeking phsychiatric counsel for my resulting depression. I am sorry for the thoughtlessness of those who would call themselves shepards. I now know my own experience is not unique. If the JW's found out about my change to another church, if they have not already df'd me for apostacy...
Anyway, I am the product of a mixed-marriage, a JW mom and a physically abusive alcoholic father... the short story is I was married to an sexually abusive man, went to the elders to correct and receive counsel (what a joke!!) was told essentially that it was impossible for a man to rape his wife. After separating, (according to THEM I had no grounds) I was talked to about not sitting with my soon to be ex during meetings, that it embaressed his manhood?!? I related my story about how I grew up, received no compassion but was told that I should be glad that anyone would choose to marry me considering my background. I was rebuked for befriending another brother in the congregation, it was completely platonic... (they knew there was no physical relationship as this man had been reproved for homosexual conduct. Our children were friends... I didn't find this out until later when I stopped going to the kingdom hall.) And yes they do spy on people, they showed up at a non-witness friend of mine's apartment where there had been no activity during all the years (3) that he lived there. I just so happened to go the to bathroom when they knocked. It was creepy...
I was so angry at God for awhile and made some jacked-up choices during my phase but I came to realise, it wasn't his fault these people had no concept of his love, mercy and grace. For all of that bible reading I'm surprised they missed that. I am so grateful to have an actual walk with him instead of that fear based, too ashamed to look up sort of feeling that I had when I was a JW. My 2 oldest children have grown up and left home, niether one are JW's. My 4 year old has never been exposed to it and I vow that he never will as long as he is in my care. Because this child was born out of wedlock, he would have been shunned and rejected and whispered about. Where we go to church now is nothing like that, he has been embraced and loved for the blessing he truly is. I guess I am blessed that I got to fade out quietly... I don't know how long that will last though, I saw myself on the local news channel when the church I attend was featured on the news... oh well, maybe it is time I am outed. I am so blessed to have left with my sanity and more importantly a true walk with God.