Dearest Maddie,
My heart goes out to you. Been there, done that. I faded for several months, my husband stayed. After about a year, he started seeing what I had already seen and he started fading too. Because he had been an elder, they called us to a Judicial Committee about 3 months after he started missing meetings. Several of our dear "friends" started reporting our doubts to the elders
After we were disfellowshipped as "apostates" for disagreeing with several of their doctrines, I wrote letters to all of the ones in the congregation and to my son and sister who were still JWs. I wish I had had the foresight to have written before. People will read it if you are not disfellowshipped. I am not sure how many read my letter. You need to tell your son and granddaughter how much you love them and that you have not changed in that area. All you have changed in is not believing all the things the WT is teaching. They immediately begin to think you have changed and no longer love them, because you are portrayed as not loving and believing in God. When we talked to my niece about leaving she said: "Please don't leave, that would destroy your relationship with my mom and dad, couldn't you just go to the meetings and not believe?" I, like you, having strong convictions about integrity, could not. I totally understand how you are feeling. Your are being torn by your love for your son and your need to be true to yourself. I would get sick to my stomache when I would go to the meetings. My real "last straw" came when the WT published their article on "Apostates" sometime in early 1983, January, as I recall. I could feel actual hatred in some of the answers that were given in the congregation that day. I recall one elder making the comment that some in Bethel were actually "reading the Bible together in groups in their rooms", as if there were reading "porn".
We were disfellowshipped on Christmas Eve, 1983. Since then I have had two great-grandchildren that I have never seen, actually 4 if you count my stepdaughter. My son occasionally will email me with some "family business" that he thinks I should know, like his change of address, but he failed to inform us of a heart attack he had. I had to learn that through the grapevine, my sister told my daughter. It is hard!!! But I have real peace of mind knowing that I am doing what is right for me.
You can depend on something good coming out of this. Romans 8:28 has been "my" scripture since leaving the WT. If we trust God, let Him be Lord of our life, something good comes from "EVERYTHING" that happens. I have found this to be experientially true! Things that we see as "bad" often turn out to be the best thing that could have happened. Too often when people leave the WT they throw out all the good things they have learned from the Bible. I believe the Bible is true, it is only the WT interpretations that are not. God is real, the way the WT portrays Him is not.
God is real, He loves us. Jesus died for us and He promises us everlasting life if we believe. That has not changed. As you read, ask for Holy Spirit to guide you. He is the only one who can interpret God's Word and He will. You do not have to be of a special "class". God loves the "world" of mankind, not just a small part of it.
I like Country Girls illustration. This is so true. We have perceptions, others have perceptions, but that is all they are. Not reality. God sees you as righteous, because of Jesus. He loves you. He wants you to succeed. My years in the WT taught me a lot. How to study the Bible (all you have to do is not look up everything in the WT to tell you what to believe) Perseverance and courage (going from door to door was a big stretch for me, I got physically ill each and every time I had to do it and I did it for over 40 years) God made all of that work for my good and I thank Him for allowing me to be there. I would never had met my husband if I had not been a witness. Look back at the good things, don't dwell on the bad. I do not regret the years I spent there.
When we left, I expected that churches would be different than the WT. They are, in the sense that they will not disfellowship you if you decide to leave or not believe all they preach. Religion is just rules put to Christianity. Don't expect more than that. Churches are a place to fellowship with other Christians, not one of them is the "Truth". THE TRUTH IS JESUS. John 14:6. I will be praying that you find a comfortable place in God. Let Him handle your cares. It is a much better life, if you do. I have been in both places. This is our website in case you wish to go. www.geocities.com/veliveleth The greatest thing I have learned since leaving the WT is to love people unconditionally, accept them for who they are and to not have expectations.
May God bless you in your leaving and give you peace and joy in your decision.
Love and hugs,
Velta
I
