That's a sad story Steve4nLanguage.. I'm sorry you didn't realise your dreams when young. Man, what a crock of shit, denying someone a higher education. Well, the good thing is, you haven't given up on your dreams. While it is a bit harder for older guys to find jobs, it's definitely not impossible. One of my friends there was in his late forties and still got jobs. Good luck for teaching in Taiwan man! Maybe I'll see you there when I go back. Do yourself a favour and check out www.forumosa.com, you'll find the answers to pretty much ANY questions, and more, about life as a foreigner in Taiwan. Very useful.
W. Once, yeah, I'm hoping he doesn't retreat and get sucked into the web more. That's why I'm encouraging him to go back to university - there, he was surrounded by decent, open-minded people and that was the time he was most free.
trapjaw
JoinedPosts by trapjaw
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15
My Best Friend... Wasted youth
by trapjaw inhi all, apologies if i've put this in the wrong place.
please excuse the long post, i'll try keep it as short as possible.
i just wanted to tell my story.
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trapjaw
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15
My Best Friend... Wasted youth
by trapjaw inhi all, apologies if i've put this in the wrong place.
please excuse the long post, i'll try keep it as short as possible.
i just wanted to tell my story.
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trapjaw
Thanks for the edit, exjdub. And thanks for the tip bubble, I'll make sure I uncheck HTML and check the other box in future.
Yeah, diamondlblue, I've done quite a bit of research over the past few days, once I get an interest in something I just start reading and searching, and since the topic concerned the wellbeing of my friend, I was obviously more inclined to get to the bottom of it. Anyways, I'll keep trying to update the story periodically with any developments.
The latest is that I saw my friend today, he told me he's going to have to undergo some serious dental surgery for removal of wisdom teeth sometime in the future. Problem is, he doesn't have medical insurance, and his parents can't afford to pay for it either. So again, I suggested to him that he go to Taiwan because over there (or in Thailand, which is close) medical procedures are a lot cheaper (but nonetheless still very competent), and also, he'd be earning dcent money to cover it anyway.
Basically, over here, the op would cost the equivalent of about 4,300 US dollars, whereas if he did it in Asia it would most likely cost a quarter or even a fifth or sixth of that.
If he just stays and tries to work it off here, with the cash he'd be earning it'd take him years to pay that off... Hopefully this will appeal to his reason.
I've pretty much been explaining to him how my time overseas made me a lot more mature, independent, etc and how it was one of the best things I've ever done with my life, hoping some of this will brush off on him. I'm sure if he could just break away from the organisation for a while and begin to see things through a different perspective, he might begin to re-evaluate and question the things he's been programmed to think. -
15
My Best Friend... Wasted youth
by trapjaw inhi all, apologies if i've put this in the wrong place.
please excuse the long post, i'll try keep it as short as possible.
i just wanted to tell my story.
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trapjaw
Hmm ok there were paragraphs in that too... must be my browser? Maybe if I take the HTML formatting off? let me try that. paragraph paragraph
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15
My Best Friend... Wasted youth
by trapjaw inhi all, apologies if i've put this in the wrong place.
please excuse the long post, i'll try keep it as short as possible.
i just wanted to tell my story.
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trapjaw
Thanks for the comments. zensim, I'm glad you enjoyed the read. Thanks very much for your advice. Yeah, I'll definitely keep doing what I can to try and liberate his mind, but never in a subversive or attacking manner. And whether or not he remains a witness for the next 5 months, 5 years or 50 years, I'll stick by him. We've been friends too long now to let anything like that damage our friendship anyway. I know that he definitely is a more tolerant and openminded person than many other JWs. I mean, he listens to bands like Godsmack and plays computer games like Diablo 2 (got in a lot of trouble when his parents found THAT CD cover in his room), and we often have philosophical talks which definitely indicate a lot of independent thought. Despite being wary of Harry Potter's "occult influence", he's nonetheless a big fan of fantasy and loves the Lord of the Rings, which doesn't seem like something that JWs would be very approving of. His family are pretty relaxed too.. I guess they're kind of "liberal" JWs, if there's such a thing? I mean, they're very devoted to the "putting in time" aspect of the game, as they never miss meetings and always put in loads of fieldwork. However, they've recently started re-establishing contact with family that they'd previously been cut off from for a good many years. They also like me a lot, despite me being a long-haired, scruffy, tattooed biker. Sometimes they even encourage C to hang out more with me. His sister is actually the biggest rebel in the group and who I'd put money on being the one to "get out", if it ever happened. They've caught her smoking before (which seems to be a major offence), and she went down to a New Year festival at the beach on New Year's Eve, with a non-JW friend, I believe. I don't really care what he chooses to believe, but that's just it. From what I've found out, there isn't a whole lot of choice involved in "the truth". Add the fact that I think it's seriously limiting his potential and opportunities in life. Which is why i've started to view it as something more sinister than I had previously believed. Well, whatever happens, he's still my best friend. I'm gonna try copy and paste my first post again, with papragraphs...
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15
My Best Friend... Wasted youth
by trapjaw inhi all, apologies if i've put this in the wrong place.
please excuse the long post, i'll try keep it as short as possible.
i just wanted to tell my story.
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trapjaw
What!? sorry about that huge chunk of text - I swear there were paragraphs when I typed it out! Shit, can't edit it, so my apologies for that massive block. Really, there were paragraphs!
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15
My Best Friend... Wasted youth
by trapjaw inhi all, apologies if i've put this in the wrong place.
please excuse the long post, i'll try keep it as short as possible.
i just wanted to tell my story.
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trapjaw
Hi all, apologies if I've put this in the wrong place. Please excuse the long post, I'll try keep it as short as possible. I just wanted to tell my story.
Well, the story of how I got here specifically began yesterday, preparing for New Year's Eve. My friends were having a big party to ring in '07, so I was going through my list of who to invite from my side. Of course, first on my list was my best friend, C. C by the way, is a JW. I've been living in Taiwan for the past few years and just returned home to South Africa recently, so it had been a while since I'd celebrated New Years with any of my South African friends. Now, my best mate has been a JW for many a year, but I honestly couldn't remember if they're allowed to celebrate New Years or not, so in order to spare him the whole "making up excuses" deal that more often than not comes around when inviting him to social events, I did a quick google search on the topic to find out if it was worth ringing him up and inviting him. Well, after glancing at one website, then another, and another, pieces began to fall together, and things about the way he sometimes acts began to make a lot more sense. It was like dominoes falling, every successive fact just served to collaspe the entirity of the web. I found out a LOT about this cult, and just made me realise how tragic it is when people get caught up in something like this organisiation, which I now know is nothing more than a glorified brainwashing group.
Basically, he's been a JW since he was a young lad, about 5 or 6 years old, when their whole family converted. His parents were very vulnerable at the time of the conversion, which I now realise looking through my adult eyes at the events of the time. His fathers's business had just gone under, and his business partner had cheated him out of most of what little money was left. They had three small kids to bring up, and the only other job he could get was basically minimum wage slave labour. Financially, times were tough and it seemed like there was no hope. Until the Witnesses appaeared knocking at their door, and told them that their organisation had solutions to all of their problems. Of course, they were reeled in hook, line and sinker.
C and I were good friends at that time, being next door neighbours. We used to play together every afternoon after school. I was raised a Christian (but I'm kind of an agnostic these days) and well, you know how kids are, he told me a few weeks after the family's conversion to the "truth", that my family and me were going to be destroyed forever by Jehovah, and this led to an argument about birthdays and christmas etc, but basically he told me that he wasn't allowed to play with me anymore if I wouldn't accept Jehovah. So, for the next few years, we were cut off.
At school, he and his siblings became outcasts, as they weren't allowed to play sport (big part of kids' culture here in SA), weren't allowed to go to birthday parties, do this do that, etc etc. Since we were in different grades at school (I'm 2 years older than him) we didn't see each other much there, and since we weren't allowed to play outside of school, that was pretty much the end of things for us. The friendship was gone, and what remained began to turn to hostility.
Years later, when I was about 13, I began to think of the days when C and I were carefree kids and used to play together outside in the street, and felt like so much time had been wasted. I sent him a letter asking for peace and seeing what we could do to rebuild our friendship. He agreed, and a few days later, we were out on the street again, kicking a ball around. We connected really well, but I was worried that when his parents found out we were hanging out again, they'd be angry with him. For some reason though, they didn't mind. We just agreed not to mention religion any more. And we didn't. It was just something that we never discussed.
Well, there were a few more neighbourhood kids around who came and went, part of our little group who used to mess around, play soccer, ride bikes with, etc etc. As we got older, as most teens do we began to get into stuff like alcohol and music. We went to different high schools, and as I began to move in different circles, I gave him whatever I got from my high school friends, tapes of bands like Nirvana and The Offspring, which he thought was really cool. I got him into playing paintball too, which we both loved. However, it was imperative that his parents NEVER found out about this. He would tell them that we were going down to the river down the road to walk some trails, meanwhile I'd have his camo pants and jacket stashed in my friend's car (which left from a discreet location and picked up C a few blocks away. After the game we'd make sure to wash any paint out of his hair, off his shoes, etc. To his credit, he never got bust, alhtough he would always seem tormented by guilt.
He'd also tell his parents that he was going to my place to watch videos, and we'd sneak off and buy beers and drink them in the park, and talk shit all night, or we'd go and sneak into the local school and snoop around or put the trash cans on the roof or whatever for kicks. Still, whenever I'd mention going to a party, or any social gathering he'd make up some lame excuse ("sorry mate, can't go as my parents want me to mow the lawn"). He missed out on a lot of cool stuff. However, after school, he went to university and met a bunch of new people, mutual friends really as we were both studying arts at the university, and he began to open up a bit more. They realised, as I had done years before, that he was an awesome guy who was really cool to be around. He got more into music, and we managed to get him to come down to some parties and gigs at some of the local bars. We had some great times, he even got drunk a few times and joined in to the moshpits. However, whenever he would wake up the next day (even if he hadn't been drunk), he would be racked with guilt and would avoid us for a while and refuse to go out anywhere or do anything with us.
I'd had a few girlfriends over the years, and although he didn't (JW rules I now realise) whenever he'd come out and drink with us, girls would hit on him, and he even kissed a few of them on occasions when he did get drunk, but always with the same terrible guilt when he woke up the day after. After all the research I've done over the last few days i've realised how dangerous the stuff he did was. It seems he's done many things that could very easily get him disfellowshipped. Things that for the rest of us, were just normal growing up, coming-of-age experiences were for him dances with the Devil. One night he got really drunk with a few of us who were his closer friends, and started crying, saying that he loved us and it was so hard to deal with the thought that we'd be gone forever after Armageddon (which was coming very soon). I think I began to realise then the extent of the psychological damage that this organisation had done to him, but I kinda brushed it off as just drunk talk, not wanting to jeopardise our friendship by discussing it with him when he was sober.
Well, I finished my degree before him and headed off to Taiwan to teach english, which was probably one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Living in an entirely different culture opened up my eyes in a huge way. I learned so much about myself, and people, and the world. I came back this year to do my master's degree. C dropped out of college halfway through his final year, despite his good grades, saying he had just had enough of the place. I've been urging him ever since to go back and finish the degree. I've also been telling him a lot about Taiwan, and trying to convince him to come back with me, as I'm planning to go back for a while, and move on to travel the world from here, when my master's is done. He really needs to get out of this town, as he's hardly travelled anywhere beyond the next town his entire life. I'm sure the experience would open up his eyes in the same way as it enlightened me. He's an intelligent person, and I couldn't believe that he was still under the influence of the Watchtower. But after all I've read now about their programming and brainwashing, i'm not surprised that he's still anchored firmly.
While he's been saying he's keen, and needs to see the world, I'm sure that when it comes to the crunch, his religion will hold him back. After all, how will he be able to put in the requisite meetings, conferences and fieldwork hours in Taiwan? And then, he's gonna end up spending the rest of his life rotting in this town in some dead-end job waiting for Armageddon.
So now, after all I've found out, I'm pissed off. I'm pissed off, and bitter, and frustrated. That an individual like C, my best friend, could have the life and vitality squeezed out of him by the iron fist of this organisation. There must be so many others like him, desperate for a taste of a normal life, of opportunites, of freedom, but who end up wasting the best years of their lives, drowned in fear and guilt. What a waste...what a terrible waste of potential. I'm gonna do my best to keep working him subtly, keep planting the seeds of freedom and free thought in his head. I can only pray that they take root.
Thanks for listening, over and out.