One of the elders called him last weekend and they scheduled the JC for this past Monday. Yes, it was brought to a head by my confession to my bible study teacher. After I told him that I had told her, he knew he had to face the music. He called his ex-wife later that week to let her know she was "free" to remarry, she called the elders, and they contacted him and even tried to come by his apartment on several occasions and questioned why his car wasn't in the lot. He had been out of town all last week. At first he was very angry with me a couple of weeks ago when I told him that I had come clean with my bible study teacher about why I was really studying to be a Witness and what we had done physically. But he forgave me for it and admitted that it was on his head, not mine.
emilyblue
JoinedPosts by emilyblue
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
I just set up a counseling appointment for next week. I've been meaning to do that for a long time now because it scares me to realize that I've lost my grasp of what a "normal" relationship looks like and I don't know how I've let myself get to this point. After we have problems, I tell myself that this is finally the last straw, but it never is. I just keep going back for more, even long after I recognized the pattern to his and my behavior. He is so loving one minute and thinks I am the most wonderful thing in his life, and then literally the next day after I disappoint him in however small a way, he tells me I am self-centered and have never really been there for him and then lists everything I have ever done to let him down. I know it is probably frustrating for some of you to read this because I appear oblivious to what is going on, but I'm not. It's just very hard to get my heart to follow my head out of this relationship when I moved here to be with him and have spent over a year trying to work things out. I started second-guessing myself several months ago and felt like he was right and that I was selfish in our relationship, but I am now realizing it's just one big head trip. He's not doing it intentionally. He just can't seem to help himself. As someone posted, it's just the way his mind works. Both of his ex-wives were staunch Witnesses, so I'm a fool to think my converting to a JW would solve all of our problems.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Since he has a week to write a letter requesting an appeal, will they postpone announcing his disfellowship until after the appeal takes place? Also, will other Witnesses truly shun him and not talk to him at all, or will they just not talk about spiritual things with him? The reason why I'm asking this is because he has no other social connections, and all of his family lives out of state. I'm just trying to figure out what to expect. I can't imagine him dealing with being shunned very well.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Another thing I don't understand is that he said he is talking allthe time to his JW family and friends on the phone in NY, and they are all encouraging him and speaking with him even though he is disfellowshipped. He also told me that he was going to draw closer to some Witness friends of his that he knew 12 years ago when he first moved to this state after marrying his first wife. Everything I have read on here led me to believe that they could not socially interact with him, but he says they can still talk to him, just not about spiritual things.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Well I want to thank all of you very much for replying to me. He came over last night and we talked some more. He was starting to get annoyed with all of my questions and felt I was concentrating too much on my feelings and not his. He told me that nothing is really changed about our relationship; we just can't go out to dinner and movies and etc. until either his appeal is successful or he is reinstated. He gets his son from his first marriage every other weekend, and I grew close to his son this past year and have always done things with them on his visitation weekends. He told me again last night when I asked about how those weekends would work that we probably couldn't see each other in front of his son (who's six years old) because his son might mention it to his mother is a VERY active Witness, and it could get back to his elders and it would make him appear unrepentant. We stopped the physical aspect of our relationship several months ago when he felt so guilty about it. We have had slip-ups occasionally, but not actual sex. He told me that we can no longer have those slip-ups anymore and we can't be physical again until we're married. I started to feel sorry for myself and asked him what he expected me to do on those weekends when we're not together. I moved to this state last summer to be with him, and between work and my relationship with him, I just haven't really made strong connections with anyone here yet. He told me I needed to go back to the hall and make some friends. It's funny he says that, because in the past when I have gone out with co-workers for dinner or shopping, he used to call my cell constantly and ask me when I was coming home. He said I'm an adult now and I need to start acting like one, and stop whining because he can't take me out to dinner or a movie. He said all that matters is that we spend time with each other. I asked him what if he is disfellowshipped for a whole year, will we still have to lay low? He said he didn't know. When I said I couldn't spend an entire year or more living like that, he said fine, go out and start dating other guys, and see how you like that in a few months and you'll call me and cry and be ready to come back to me. He also told me that he didn't see me being serious about drawing closer to God because he never sees me study or open the bible and I never ask him questions I should be asking. I told him I pray every day and he told me that's not enough, I have to start attending meetings and starting up my study again. I tried to explain to him that I was just feeling insecure and needed some reassurance that our relationship would still be a priority. He told me of course it would be, but he would not put our relationship before his relationship with Jehovah. He said nothing, not even his son, could come before God. He went on and on about how all we had to do was be united in our devotion to Jehovah. I don't understand why it's ok to be with me in private, where God can still see, but not ok in public where the elders or anyone in his church can see. I know that this is just a glimpse into what my world would be like if we were to make it to marriage. I know this life is not for me. It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. I KNOW that. I have to find the strength to walk away. I realized that last summer was the most "normal" our relationship ever was, but he says he was so unhappy last summer because he was so spiritually weak. It's just disturbing to me to see someone's relationship with God make him a weirder person instead of a more grounded one. This is just so hard.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Well I spoke with him again this afternoon. I am so confused. I thought we just had to "lay low" for a couple of weeks until his appeal. Today he told me that if he is still disfellowshipped after his appeal (which I'm sure he will be, but he has hope otherwise) we would not be able to be seen in public until he is reinstated, and then at that time he wants me to go to the hall with him, and not a different one like I did before. I asked him how long he thought his disfellowship would last, and he said maybe 3-6 months, maybe longer. That is a long time to have to sneak around. It would be pretty difficult for me because we have always been so open before and were even engaged earlier in the year. When I got a little upset about it, he told me I needed to be supportive of him and not make him feel bad and to stop thinking about myself. I told him I wasn't trying to make him feel bad, I just didn't like feeling like I was a dirty secret that he had to hide. He said that's not how it is, but then told me that I certainly hadn't helped matters when I confessed our sex life to my bible study teacher. He told me he loves me and wants to marry me if I become a Witness. If I don't become a Witness, he is willing to date me for the rest of his life because there is no one else he wants to be with except me, but we have to be spiritually united so God can bless our marriage. I guess he forgot his first two exes were Witnesses but they still divorced anyway. This is just very confusing. I'm not sure if I can do this. He said I will have to decide if I think he and our relationship is worth it. I wanted to turn the question around to him and ask him the same thing but didn't want to get blasted.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
His meeting lasted four hours. FOUR. I got so worried I actually drove by the church or hall or whatever at 11:30 pm to see if his car was still there because I was concerned about where he was and if he had lost it and was off wasted somewhere. He came when it was finished, around midnight, and told me he was disfellowshipped. He said he is going to appeal because one of the elders was close to his ex-wife, who is apparently very hurt that he had sex with me even though they were already separated over two years ago before I even knew him and are divorced. He told me that he wants us to work out our problems, he wants me to become a Witness, then after his appeal in a few weeks, he wants to date me openly, which we've already been doing before we broke up the last time, he wants to marry me and he believed we can be so happy if we just live according to God's will. I told him I was so sorry for confessing all this stuff to my bible study teacher, and he told me he understood why I did it and was sorry for blowing up at me a couple of weeks ago when I told him what I had done. He said he loves me so much and is going to become a better man for me and study God's word so that he can be a better husband to me than he was to both his exes. At this point, I'm thoroughly confused. I was concerned he would hate my guts after being disfellowshipped last night, but it's the opposite. He was very loving. He did tell me we needed to "lay low" for the next couple of weeks before his appeal because there was no need to add fuel to their fire. We are no longer having sex and have toned down the physical stuff almost totally, but he is worried they won't believe that if anyone sees us together. This just kind of seems ridiculous to me. I feel like a teenager, having to sneak around behind my mom and dad's backs. We're two grown unattached people who were physical with one another in a loving relationship which we both believed was headed toward marriage. I'm just really sick of the whole guilt thing. I want to be there for him, and I believe him when he tells me that he is so sorry for how he has lost his temper with me in the past, but I don't know if I can live like this. Even if we were to get married, I have a feeling the elders would always be in bed with us, so to speak. He told me last week that the day of his wedding to his second wife, they fooled around and had sex the morning of their wedding day for the first time. They felt so guilty that they confessed what they had done to the elders after they got back from their honeymoon, and he was reproved for that. Reproved for sex right before the ceremony? That's so weird to me. Why would anyone feel guilty and feel like they deserved to be disciplined? What really annoys me is how he told me last night that he doesn't really care what the elders think of him, he's just worried that God can't love him. It's very frustrating to me to see him like this and to know that he is worried that God doesn't care about him. He said at the end, he asked if they would pray with him for guidance, but they told him no, they can't pray with him. he can't even have any of their literature while he's disfellowshipped. Well, he can have mine. I'll find something else to pick up dog poop with.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Thank you all for the info. he's been in now for 2 and a half hours.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Thank you all very much. The meeting is about having sex outside of marriage. It's my ex-boyfriend's meeting and it started at 7:30 pm and I was wondering when I would hear from him about what happened.
-
43
Quick question!
by emilyblue inhello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?
-
-
emilyblue
Hello, how long do judicial committees for possible disfellowship typically last?