Thank you, jgnat. Here is a little about me. I was born and raised in Texas, and all my family live there. My mom died about three and half years ago, and I miss her very much. She was usually my voice of reason. It's weird but I feel like I need her more now as an adult than I ever did while I was growing up. My dad remarried and is very happy. I have a difficult relationship with him because he has such an overbearing personality, but he has really mellowed out the last couple of years. My two brothers are both happily married and I have a niece and a nephew who I adore. I need to get their Easter baskets put together and ready to mail. After graduating college, I moved to California. It was an impulsive decision that I made at a job fair for teachers, but one that has helped me gain a lot of experience with working with students who speak limited English. For some reason, I can't figure out how to break this into paragraphs. I skip a line, but it doesn't show up like that in my post. Anyway, my friends tell me I am the most festive person they know, and I'm not sure if they mean that as a compliment because I go a little overboard on the holidays. I use any occasion as an excuse to bake and decorate cupcakes. A Halloween tradition of mine is to put up and decorate my Christmas tree. I had a little too much to drink at a Halloween party one year and decided to put the tree up, and I've been doing it ever since. It used to freak David out because when he would tell me that holiday celebrations were pagan, I would tell him I was aware of the history behind holidays but I didn't care that they had pagan origins. It's not like I'm worshipping my pumpkin or my tree. He would then say that he couldn't believe that I didn't care what the bible said. Ok back to me. I have two very small dogs, a runty little shihtzu and a chihuahua mix. They're my babies, and I'm so glad I have them! They're probably as neurotic as I am, but that's ok. My shih tzu had to have one of her eyes removed last summer after I moved to Oregon. I came home from dinner one night and her eye was bulging out of its socket. We still have no idea what happened, because there was no sign of anything that could have caused it. That was the second worst experience of my life, after my mom's death. I felt so helpless to see my dog in pain and not being able to explain to her what was going on. But she was as happy as ever once she finally got to stop wearing the cone around her neck. Dogs have no vanity or self-pity. I could learn a lot from them, I guess. I am so sorry about not having paragraphs! I'll stop here until I figure that out.
emilyblue
JoinedPosts by emilyblue
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
All right, it's over. My head is spinning, but I am filled with a weird sense of relief. He called me today at lunch and one minute he told me it was ok and he forgave me for my stupidity and the next he was lashing out at me. I don't really think he even knows how he feels. He said again that I screwed him royally and I complicated everything. I am sorry for causing him more problems, but if he already confessed to his elders, then I don't see how I could have screwed him anymore than he has already screwed himself. He said that now he is going to have to call his ex-wife and tell her so she knows she's free. I really don't get this whole process. Divorce is hard enough as it is, I would think. He sent me a text message after our phone conversation and said he forgave me, he just needed a break because he was really confused and needed to pray to figure out what the right thing is. On the phone, when he said that I betrayed him and he could never trust me, I agreed with him and said I understood he was better off without me and I wouldn't contact him anymore. Basically I agreed with him about how ignorant I was just to see if it would calm him down, and because I know he is reacting this way primarily out of fear of what is going to happen to him. After I said I understood we can't be together, he told me he never said that and asked me why I was acting like this was the end of the world. He said he just needed some time because he feels very confused by my actions. I am done being turned inside-out over this.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
Well, I told him. I told him before I got home and read your post, J-ex-W. I told him over the phone because I am a big fat chicken. He didn't react as badly as I thought he would at first, but then he called me back after he had time to think about it, I guess. He said he couldn't trust me and that I would spill my guts to a perfect stranger. He told me it was none of my f-ing business to tell his business to anyone and asked me why I felt the need to broadcast our previous sex life to someone I don't even know. He asked me if I told her how many times I have a bowel movement, too. He said he could never trust me again and that I have no balance, because I tell lies to him (I lied to him once about how much a handbag cost - which I bought with my own money) yet I will air my dirty laundry to this woman. I tried over and over again to tell him that I never meant to give her his name; I just wasn't thinking, and he said that that was my problem - I never think and I never listen to him. He told me several times not to tell people at my Hall that I was dating him because it was none of their business. He said I really screwed him. Just for the record, even though I'm not a JW, I wasn't raised to think sex outside of marriage is ok. He asked me to marry him pretty early into the relationship, and I loved him so much and I thought we would be married soon, so I did it. I think that's one of the reasons why this is hurting so much.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
I know. This has been going on for over a year. In the beginning of our relationship, religion didn't seem to be a problem because he never went to meetings. But now he wants to start getting back into it. After our last really big fight, we broke up for a few days. When we got back together, he said that he realized we were having problems in our relationship because God wasn't blessing us, even though we stopped having sex a few months back because of the guilt he felt over it. He said that in order to have Jehovah's blessing, I needed to become a Witness so we would be evenly yoked spiritually. I disagree with that being the cause of our problems. He hasn't had a stable job in the year that I have been out here with him, and I know we were operating under extreme stress. I know how stressful it is for him to feel financially unstable, and it was putting me through a lot of stress as well because my salary is basically enough to cover my bills and expenses and I didn't want to have to go into savings to help him out and that made him feel unloved. I just didn't feel comfortable paying his back taxes (close to $3,000) when we weren't married. Then I resented him making me feel like I was being selfish about it. Anyway, we've had a lot of arguments over finances especially in the beginning of our relationship, and I admit that did not put me at ease. I just didn't feel like I needed to be responsible for his bills. I just feel that a lot of our stress has nothing to do with being unevenly yoked. Even if I became a Witness, which I'm not, those problems would still be there. I know I need to get out of it; I know. So many of you have given me such good advice in my other thread and I am TRYING to follow it. I really am. It's just a matter of getting my heart to follow my head out of this relationship. I have been hanging on to the hope with each new job that maybe this time things will work out for him and he will be happy and he will be able to straighten himself out and get over his issues from a bad childhood and bad marriages, and I want to be the woman who is at his side when he finally realizes this life isn't so bad after all. I guess it's time to let go of that dream, though, because it may not ever happen. I've already spent a year waiting.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
All right. Thanks to all of you so much! I can't shake the feeling that I have stabbed him in the back by pouring out personal information to this woman. I guess at the time I just needed an ear and didn't think twice when she asked his last name. I called her back again and asked if he will find out that I told her those things. She said no, that his elders will not bring up names. They will ask him if there is anything he needs to talk to them about and go from there. She told me that her husband, who has been an elder for years and years, will talk to me Wednesday evening during bible study (if I actually go) and explain the judicial process to me so that I can have a better understanding of what takes place. I really can't wait until Wednesday, though. I'm going to go ahead and tell him tonight that I confided our personal stuff to this lady. He will get very angry, but I would rather just get it over with then worry about him finding out later. It makes me feel too much like a snake in the grass, knowing that he might get blindsided by his elders. She told me that if he only got reproved for his behavior, then he didn't tell his elders the complete story. I don't know enough about this whole process. At this point, I don't think I even want to know. I'll just tell the truth and I'm sure he'll set me free.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
I just called her and asked her if she was going to report him. She said that if she had seen this unclean conduct with her own eyes, yes she would have to report him. She said that since I confided it to her without her witnessing it herself, she only would talk to his elders and say he might have committed some unclean conduct, but she wouldn't get into specifics with them. I asked her point blank if that's what she did, but she evaded the question somehow. I asked her why he did not want me to go to the same hall as him, and she said because he is sneaking because he knows it's wrong for him to date someone is not a Witness. I couldn't get a straight answer out of her, but she said she would talk more with me about it at our next bible study and wanted to set up a time for it. I guess I'll just tell him what I told her and face the music. I guess I'll get to see his true colors. Maybe he will react better than how I think he will. Thank you all again for your replies.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
I know that I can't continue to live like this. There have been so many problems in our relationship, religious and otherwise. But I never wanted it to end like this, with him facing possible disfellowship and hating me for it. He has no one else to talk to in any kind of meaningful way. I just feel really bad about opening my mouth.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
This will be the end of our relationship, I know. He will never be able to forgive me, especially if he gets disfellowshipped. I will be so worried about him if that happens because if he doesn't have me to talk to or the people in his congregation, then he literally has no one. He just started a new job today, so he won't even have co-workers who are close yet. Yes, it has been a very unstable relationship. But I would never mean to end it like this. I don't know how to fix this. In the beginning of our relationship, he was inactive, so I never realized how big of an issue the religious differences would be. We were engaged very quickly. But then he got back into the religion, and that's when he added on the condition of me becoming a Witness before we got married because he didn't want to be unevenly yoked and he couldn't bear knowing that I would die at Armageddon. Thank you for your replies. I'm going to call the lady who I told and speak frankly with her before I decide what to tell him. I can't believe I ever told her any of that. I never should have answered my phone while I was in that frame of mind.
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
Thank you for your replies. Lisa, he has no support system out here. His family is all in NY, and we're across the country. He lives in this state because he moved out here when he got married the first time. He has a son from that marriage so he stayed out here after they were divorced. He said his former friends took both wives' sides after the divorces, so he literally has NO ONE except for me and his son. His son is only 6, so he can't offer support. He started this new hall about two months ago after being inactive for almost a year. He didn't want to go back to his old hall because he didn't feel the elders were supportive of him during his divorce. I feel terrible about what I have done. I don't know what the best course of action is. Should I ask my bible study lady outright if she or her husband are going to report him? Should I tell her I was so upset that day she talked to me that I didn't know what I was saying?
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83
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue ini do not attend the same hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me.
i'm not a witness.
he confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final.
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emilyblue
I just looked at a calendar. This all happened on March 11. After we made up from that fight, we've seen each other pretty much everyday except last weekend he was in New York visiting family. He's attended meetings since then and so far no one has said anything to him. I really don't know what to do. I think if he finds out what I told her, that will be it because he's so paranoid anyway. I did not do it out of spite or to get him in trouble. I automatically said his last name when she asked. Her hall is about 30 miles from his hall. I really don't know if I should go ahead and tell him just so he'll be prepared in case this comes to light.