I do not attend the same Hall as my boyfriend because he is currently reproved for being involved with me. I'm not a Witness. He confessed to his elders that he had sex with someone outside of marriage after his second divorce was already final. I guess his involvement with me made is scriptural, even though it took place after he has already been divorced. He did not tell the elders my identity, as I'm not even a Witness anyway. I did a bible study with an older lady from the Hall where I went to. He was a little freaked when I told him her name, because she knew him while he was married to wife #1. He told me I didn't need to mention that I had a boyfriend, so I got the hint he didn't want her to know that he and I were dating, even though he's asked me to marry him, as long as I become a JW. Whole other story. The bad thing I did is this. After a very nasty fight a few weeks ago, my bible study lady called me and I answered the phone in the middle of a crying jag. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her. Boy, I really told her. I told her that the real reason I was studying with her was because my boyfriend said he couldn't marry me unless I became a Witness, and that he felt guilty for having sex with me, and I told her that I couldn't sleep at night because when he found out I had quit going to meetings, he told me I was under demon attack because he was having bad dreams and hearing invisible cell phones ringing. I asked her if that was true. She said he sounded irrational. I called him by his first name, and she asked me what his last name was. I told her. I didn't realize the possible consequences until she said that she knew who he was. I told my boyfriend about the conversation, except I didn't tell him that I told her his name. I think he would be extremely upset. I called her back and tried to get some idea if she was going to report him, without coming right out and asking her. I asked her if she thought I should go ahead and tell David that I told her everything. She told me not to, because then he might feel pressured to confess to the elders just because she and her husband knew. Her husband is an elder in another hall, by the way. She said the confession needed to comed from his heart. She said Jehovah has ways of dealing with these things. She did say that now his second wife is free to remarry, if she was not already free before. She also told me not to tell him because she was worried he might react very irrationally and she told me that he was not someone fit for Jehovah's organization. She gave me a lot of scripture about what to look for in a husband. I can't work up the nerve to just come right out and ask her if her or her husband is going to say something to the elder's of his congregation. Just based on your experiences, would this be something they would do? I'm asking this because my conscience is telling me I need to tell my boyfriend what I've done, but I'm pretty scared to do so. I don't know what to do.
I think I did a really bad thing.
by emilyblue 83 Replies latest social relationships
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emilyblue
I also forgot to add that I think this is a big deal because my boyfriend has hinted around that he did not make a full confession to the elders about the extent to what we have done in a physical sense.
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Gill
Oh Emily! Never tell a JW anything that you don't want broadcase on PBS TV!!
Have you heard from your JW boyfriend recently?
She, your study lady, will be required to report your boyfriend and he is gonna get an ass kicking!
Whoops!!
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avidbiblereader
Not to judge the man but he sounds like a liar, a fake who likes to hide things and he has conditional love for you. I think the bad thing here is to hang around to be ex wifey #3. Just my thoughts on the matter and from reading this thread
abr
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Nosferatu
I'll tell you right now that JWs are really bad for passing along gossip whether the information is true or not.
While I was being raised in the JW religion, I started dating a girl who eventually decided that she wanted to be a JW just because I was one. One day she came to my door to visit me. My mother answered and ran her through 20 questions. She asked what her name was, what congregation she belonged to, etc etc etc. My mother went to the hall she was attending and dug up more info from the woman my gf was studying with. It was a nightmare.
I'd advise you to RUN from this religion, the woman you're studying with, and your paranoid boyfriend. He's more worried about ruining his reputation by dating you than being happy with you. That's what JWs thrive on - their reputation in the congregation.
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lisavegas420
I hope this man has a support system. Emily, you can keep coming here and can ask questions and will be offered advice. Take what works for you and leave the rest. Make sure your boyfriend has a support system he can REALLY talk to.
lisa
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emilyblue
I just looked at a calendar. This all happened on March 11. After we made up from that fight, we've seen each other pretty much everyday except last weekend he was in New York visiting family. He's attended meetings since then and so far no one has said anything to him. I really don't know what to do. I think if he finds out what I told her, that will be it because he's so paranoid anyway. I did not do it out of spite or to get him in trouble. I automatically said his last name when she asked. Her hall is about 30 miles from his hall. I really don't know if I should go ahead and tell him just so he'll be prepared in case this comes to light.
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emilyblue
Thank you for your replies. Lisa, he has no support system out here. His family is all in NY, and we're across the country. He lives in this state because he moved out here when he got married the first time. He has a son from that marriage so he stayed out here after they were divorced. He said his former friends took both wives' sides after the divorces, so he literally has NO ONE except for me and his son. His son is only 6, so he can't offer support. He started this new hall about two months ago after being inactive for almost a year. He didn't want to go back to his old hall because he didn't feel the elders were supportive of him during his divorce. I feel terrible about what I have done. I don't know what the best course of action is. Should I ask my bible study lady outright if she or her husband are going to report him? Should I tell her I was so upset that day she talked to me that I didn't know what I was saying?
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Nowman
Emilyblue,
You may want to think about this relationship, put aside the whole JW thing. Your JW significant other does not seem like he is stable/has some major issues. Even if you were to become a JW, do you really think you will be happy with him? It seems so dramatic, yet I do not know entire story.
Good luck, yes you did a very bad thing in JWism. You will have to face it. Really though, do you really feel it was right for him to tell you that he will only marry you if you become a JW? Does this seem strange to you? Maybe from one JW to another, its not strange. Just based on the little you have mentioned, I would really re-think your relationship with him. Too much drama.
Nikki
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emilyblue
This will be the end of our relationship, I know. He will never be able to forgive me, especially if he gets disfellowshipped. I will be so worried about him if that happens because if he doesn't have me to talk to or the people in his congregation, then he literally has no one. He just started a new job today, so he won't even have co-workers who are close yet. Yes, it has been a very unstable relationship. But I would never mean to end it like this. I don't know how to fix this. In the beginning of our relationship, he was inactive, so I never realized how big of an issue the religious differences would be. We were engaged very quickly. But then he got back into the religion, and that's when he added on the condition of me becoming a Witness before we got married because he didn't want to be unevenly yoked and he couldn't bear knowing that I would die at Armageddon. Thank you for your replies. I'm going to call the lady who I told and speak frankly with her before I decide what to tell him. I can't believe I ever told her any of that. I never should have answered my phone while I was in that frame of mind.