so i have never attended the bookstudy that they reassigned me to around january.
i stopped attending bookstudy altogether then.
i stopped attending any meetings .
I remember being called up for a talk after being inactive for two years. What are they thinking!!!!
Seems obvious that the "society" teaches loyality through duty, obligation, guilt, and lets not forget FEAR. So this is just a trigger. The loving brother that had this oversite (or not) was just doing the loving thing by reminding you of your duty. After all it might spark you into right behavior.
They still send me the KM.
i hope this brings up the "arrangement of submission" question to you.
as the wife of an unbeliveing husband, you submit to everything except the things that go against your service to jehovah.
as the husband of an unbeliving wife, you are kind and considerate and love her like yourself.
Sassy,
I was thinking of fading like twinflames2 discribes. However, I am actually speaking of faking some shell of believeing, as a mate, just to keep peace.
i hope this brings up the "arrangement of submission" question to you.
as the wife of an unbeliveing husband, you submit to everything except the things that go against your service to jehovah.
as the husband of an unbeliving wife, you are kind and considerate and love her like yourself.
moshe, good comment...because the weight of responsibility falls on the husband.
i hope this brings up the "arrangement of submission" question to you.
as the wife of an unbeliveing husband, you submit to everything except the things that go against your service to jehovah.
as the husband of an unbeliving wife, you are kind and considerate and love her like yourself.
twinflame2, what's an IMO? Thanks for the comment.
i hope this brings up the "arrangement of submission" question to you.
as the wife of an unbeliveing husband, you submit to everything except the things that go against your service to jehovah.
as the husband of an unbeliving wife, you are kind and considerate and love her like yourself.
I hope this brings up the "arrangement of submission" question to you. As the wife of an unbeliveing husband, you submit to everything except the things that go against your service to Jehovah. As the husband of an unbeliving wife, you are kind and considerate and love her like yourself. No submitting involved.
So. When you push the inside-out button...the unbelieveing wife of a believeing husband needs to pretend to submit to everything, except the things that go against her own conscience. While the unbelieveing husband of a believeing wife can just bide his time as long as he allows her to attend meetings and serve Jehovah.
I am interested in your comments.
my husband is fourth generation, not third like i said in my post yesterday.
his great-grandmother claimed to be one of the annointed.
he has more relatives in the "truth" than you can believe.
My husband is fourth generation, not third like I said in my post yesterday. His great-grandmother claimed to be one of the annointed. He has more relatives in the "truth" than you can believe. On his mother's side he is third generation. If anyone is policeing this site, I'm done.
My three step kids were young teens when I married into the family. All of them baptised. Their mother was disfellowshiped and my husband had full custody of the kids. They were under tremendous pressure to preform....my in-laws were pros at the positive and negitive reinforcement needed to keep these kids in-line. LONG story short. They grew up hypocrates and eventually faded into life with their "horrible mother", one was recently DF'd. I keep up with them all, they are doing good, though the family doesn't have anything to do with them, they blame it all on the "horrible mother", and the kids having "bad hearts"
My kids were never baptised. They never knew the WTS to be anything but a joke, thanks to the step brothers and sisters, and the rest of the family circus. "Bad hearts" the lot of them.
Just laying some ground work. What I really want to talk about is "a witness marriage". I realize that we all have different circumstances, but I really tried to be submissive those first several years. During the incident with my son (last post), I came to understand that I can't submit if it goes against my own conscience. Then, slowly I began to realize that I had been going against my own conscience for years. So I began apologizing to the kids, can't seem to forgive myself, however. I had a part in these kids maybe never being able to approach God on a personal level, not to mention the conditional love no one should ever have to know from their family.
These last few years have been tough on my marriage because of my inability to submit. My husband is a full-on witness, and can't and won't see anything else. He doesn't know how to approach me any other way. Today I still had to deal with him wanting me to go to meeting, read the Watchtower "it is so good this week", let me take the kids (grandkids) I am so sensitive to the kids because of the guilt I am still wrestling with over the past generation of kids.
I feel like my pretending has run the gammit. I have to get my stregnth back and I can't do this anymore, I have lost me somewhere in the process.
Why can't there be a gray area I can go to heal? Why do I have to be cast into the black for just being honest? I know it will get ugly, that is why I am here.
i cannot be very specific with this because i do not know who is patrolling these boards to try to catch faders (like me).
my mother has been very ill for a long time due to multiple health issues, all of them stemming back to a very low blood cell count.
before i even began to have doubts, as well as my father asking me about the 1975 debacle, i kept wondering why god (i can't call him jehovah now that i know the truth) would allow such a wonderful and selfless person to suffer if all they needed was something that was produced naturally in our bodies.
I am truly sorry about what you are going through. I wish there was something that I could say to ease your emotions and give you comfort, but can't offer anything but a listening ear.
<!-- .style1 { font-family: arial; font-size: 18px; color: #0000cc; } .style2 { font-family: arial; font-size: 16px; color: #0000cc; } .style3 { font-family: verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; } --> how much influence did the watchtower have in destroying your faith in god?personally, i do not believe that a corrupt organization should destroy the belief .
or concept of a designer, god or creator.
in addition, because an organization .
This is interesting! I am amazed at how many of you say your faith has not been affected by WTS. It has devistated mine. It is hard for me to admit that I let that happen, but I did. I once had a very simple faith that grew in me from reading the bible. I didn't need to know the answer to everything, the things I needed to know just seemed to be there. I was that same innocence,(ignorance) that got me into the mess I'm in today.
Can't trust....anything, least of all myself.
my story as a witness follows much of a 'dumb and dumber' sort of path.
i get to be both dumb, and dumber, of course.
what drove me to post on this site was sheer despiration.
So, I went off to fix dinner for the family, and came back to all of this.
I was so afraid no one would hear me....as it is you brought me to tears. Thank you so much for being there. I am overwhelmed.
There is some good news in my story. None of the six kids are in the "truth". My three step kids were the older ones and all baptised when I arrived in their lives. One is disfellowshiped, the other two faded and are gone from the core family. I have kept up with all three, I love them all. My kids were younger and only learned the "truth" through the hipocracy they were shown, especially through the older kids. They never came close to baptism, I would not have let them. My step kids new only how to play the game, which they did brilliantly.
My son is in a program that is helping him become independent. He is doing well. He had another surgery this last week on his arm.
I have worked through most of the anger, I hope. I kept the anger so long, it changed me. I am trying to work my way out with forgiveness. Very powerful, forgiveness. Hoping this.....talking to you... is part of that.
My issue with DA has to do with the FACT that I have become a shell of a person, hollow, worthless, whithout depth, or direction. All because I have been playing dead. I have been doing this for YEARS!!!!!!!!!
I have lost so much already. At this point the only thing I would loose is 'my life as I know it' (it needs to go) and my husband, whom I love.
How can you go on with someone who will only ever think of you....know you....as....bound for distruction?
my story as a witness follows much of a 'dumb and dumber' sort of path.
i get to be both dumb, and dumber, of course.
what drove me to post on this site was sheer despiration.
My story as a witness follows much of a 'dumb and dumber' sort of path. I get to be both dumb, and dumber, of course. What drove me to post on this site was sheer despiration. End of the rode, end of my rope, hit the wall, bababababa, hide all the guns, despiration.
I started allowing myself to research this other side we all know well as apostate about a week ago. I have since spent a ridiculous amount of time reading articles, and experiences, and anything and everything. For the first time in years I feel like I have a direction. Dare I say, hope. Hope I might actually get a life of my own again, a life at all. The answer is so obvious. I need to disassoiate. Have to. I'll explain why later.
My mother-in-law use to say I came in through the back door (married a disfellowshiped witness). I was never courted by them, nor was I ever exposed to much except the guts and gore of witness politics. I married a third generation witness, who even though he was disfellowshiped at the time, he was always very saturated in everything to do with the "truth". He was only out for 8 months, and has been on the straight and narrow ever since. He was raised by some of the most self-righteouses people I hope I will ever have to know. Anyway, the dumb piece comes in when I got baptised two years later in 1994, and the dumber piece fits just about every day after that. Even though I was trying to be sincere. Sometimes I think I did it just to show them I wasn't the pagen they all thought I was.
The scars that I am left with are signifigant. Mostly having to do what I let happen to my kids, and my step kids (three of each). Those were rough years....lets just say I could never relate to the demonstrations at the assemblies. I never understood why they didn't want to interview me. After all I had survived major obsticals oppression, and still had six kids attending meetings and going out in service. I don't think it was ever pretty, but we did try to my ever lasting shame. We never fit the mold, not even close.
Four years ago my son became ill. Mentally. He dissappeared one day, and we got a call a week later from a trauma unit in another state. He had walked across an off ramp on a freeway and was hit by a car going 75mph. He lost a leg and an arm. He was seventeen. During the years that have followed, I have realized that there is no place in the witness society for suffering humanity. If you are not set up to preform in the system, then you are just there so others can show their forbarence. At a distance I might ad. My only real support during this time came from my non-witness family. My witness family was down right oppressive. They didn't understand mental illness, and if it wasn't in the publications then they didn't need to know. My son just needed to straighted up.
So, now I am raising my two granddaughters, 2 and 3. I also care for my aging parents. I have been inactive for three years and have been to about 6 meetings in the last three years. I have no friends (because I am not allowed), I don't associate because I know I would or should be dissfellowshiped for my attitude. The congregation think that I am just overwhelmed and can't manage meetings. My husband probably thinks my heart is bad, but still pretends I am going to get back. My silence has let him believe it.
NO MORE. My grandkids won't know this life. That is where you guys come in. I need help getting from this playing dead place to actually saying it outloud. I am sure you know what a step this is towards that. Thank you for listening. I won't be this long winded in the future.
