Posts by flower

23

Do I convert for him????

by butalbee in

i am going totally crazy without him in my life.

i miss talking to him for hours on the phone, i miss spending time with him, i miss being a part of his life.

it was my decision to end things, and i know he still wants to be with me, but i am still torn to pieces.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!! dont become a witness just to be with him. i know you love him and i know how hard it is to be away from someone you love. but please trust me that is nothing compared to living in that organization. i know you look at them and think 'they look and act normal' or 'they dont seem so unhappy' but believe me please when i tell you that there is NO WAY to ever be happy while in that org. NO WAY! even being with the one you love isnt enough. it might seem fine after a week or month or months. but you are going to lose yourself. once you are fully brainwashed you will never have an independent thought again. and dont think that because you are here and know the truth about the org that you will never succumb to their manipulation and mind control. if you are willing to do this for him then you will be willing to follow all their rules to keep him. and if you dont you will be worse off then before because they will kick you out and he will NEVER speak to you again. think about it please! you will have to go door to door telling people that this LIE is the truth! you will have to get on the platform and perform skits in front of these people based on this lie! you will HAVE to believe it with your whole heart, soul and mind or it will show through. you will not be able to put your 'all' into it and they will label you as weak. you will be looked upon as 'so-and-so's' 'weak' wife. so you will try harder to live up to what they want. but you wont be able to because you dont believe it so you will experience severe emotional and mental trauma. your love for him wont be enough to keep you from breaking down. i can name many witnesses, mostly wifes of elders, ministerial servants, or pioneers that have been in and out of mental hospitals for years. please, please, know that i am telling you the truth. it is a sick and twisted thing that they have going on. its a lie! hon its such a big, sick, lie. you have to move on and find someone else. you will!! just give yourself time to grieve and then turn your back on him and move on. you can still be friends. plant little seeds of doubt in his mind over time and maybe he will start researching on his own. but please dont become a member. i say this because i care and because i've been there and will probably never recover fully.

flower

101

Who of you in this forum have been df'ed?

by YoYoMama in

if it is possible can you post why you were disfellowshipped?

flower

OMG, Refiner,

i read this "Currently Im Df, but Im thinking of seeking reinstatement again" and almost burst into tears! why? how? i'm sickened at the thought of it. youve helped me so much.

flower

25

how do you stop crying......

by flower in

when you start reading rays book and find out that everything you know to be factual, the only constant, solid, truth in the universe is just nothing?

i've known this in my head since i started reading posts here on xmas day but i have never really believed it.

i thought i just wanted to believe it so that i could rid myself of some of this guilt i've always carried around.

flower

Thanks so much all of you. I think all those years of being miserable will be worth it when I get past all of these scary, painful feelings. I really do feel relieved about all this because I now have answers to questions I've prayed about so many times. Like why I am different from everyone else, why was I even born to live a life like this, why cant i measure up, ect ect. Now I know it was because this whole org was and is not Gods org at all. Its freeing to know that I am not a freak and that I can and will be normal and happy one day. Its hard and sad and scary and painful but its also a relief to finally have answers. I think God was answering my prayers all along and led me here.

flower

14

What do I do?.......

by flower in

jw
friends

i'm so upset the more i read and find out about the society.

its all hard to take for me but i'm accepting it more and more.

the problem i have is that i want so bad to tell my mom what i have found out.

flower

rf,

yea i know you are right but its going to be hard. i guess it will get easier once i move from here and dont have to be confronted with it. its painful to watch

25

how do you stop crying......

by flower in

when you start reading rays book and find out that everything you know to be factual, the only constant, solid, truth in the universe is just nothing?

i've known this in my head since i started reading posts here on xmas day but i have never really believed it.

i thought i just wanted to believe it so that i could rid myself of some of this guilt i've always carried around.

flower

thanks i appreciate all the advice. i'm definately taking it to heart. glad to know i'm not alone anymore

flower

25

how do you stop crying......

by flower in

when you start reading rays book and find out that everything you know to be factual, the only constant, solid, truth in the universe is just nothing?

i've known this in my head since i started reading posts here on xmas day but i have never really believed it.

i thought i just wanted to believe it so that i could rid myself of some of this guilt i've always carried around.

flower

i know i need to move but i wouldnt be here if i could afford to live elsewhere. i moved back in a year ago because the cost of daycare is so expensive i cant afford rent and daycare. my mom was my sitter until she lost her sight. i guess i'm going to have to go ahead and get a place and just be broke and behind on bills all the time. i dont know :(

25

how do you stop crying......

by flower in

when you start reading rays book and find out that everything you know to be factual, the only constant, solid, truth in the universe is just nothing?

i've known this in my head since i started reading posts here on xmas day but i have never really believed it.

i thought i just wanted to believe it so that i could rid myself of some of this guilt i've always carried around.

flower

when you start reading Rays book and find out that everything you know to be factual, the only constant, solid, truth in the universe is just nothing?

i've known this in my head since i started reading posts here on xmas day but i have never REALLY believed it. i thought i just WANTED to believe it so that i could rid myself of some of this guilt i've always carried around. i always had it in the back of my mind that you all for some unknown, wierd and wicked reason have organized this apostate activity just like Society always told us you did. i never understood back in the day when they said apostates were out there trying to get people to leave the organization. why would anyone spend so much time trying to hurt the org after they left? obviously the people doing that were deranged or mentally ill.

thats what has always been in the back of my head. that many people here and on similar sites were mentally ill, crazy, sick and really under the devils influence. and the rest were being duped like myself. i've made posts to the contrary of these thoughts but this was and has always still been in my head. certain posts would trigger them also like some of the wierd ones that i didnt understand would make me think 'yea this isnt for real its just a scam to draw people out of the org'.

so now how am i supposed to really handle this? i dont think i can. i cant stop crying for one and i cant let them see me cry. i just cant freaking believe that these people lied to us and screwed us. how the hell am i supposed to sit here every day and listen to their damn reading from the yearbook. and watch them go to meetings with an attitude of arrogance, looking down on me because i am not a witness. i hate it, i hate it!! i fucking hate them! i wish i could slash those bastards up. (the asshole org..not the fam)

14

What do I do?.......

by flower in

jw
friends

i'm so upset the more i read and find out about the society.

its all hard to take for me but i'm accepting it more and more.

the problem i have is that i want so bad to tell my mom what i have found out.

flower

:(

14

What do I do?.......

by flower in

jw
friends

i'm so upset the more i read and find out about the society.

its all hard to take for me but i'm accepting it more and more.

the problem i have is that i want so bad to tell my mom what i have found out.

flower

Thanks for your responses,

david - part of what you said is the reason i think my mother can eventually be reached. she has always tried to do what the society says and never talks to df'd people in the cong. but over the years she has had her own sisters and brothers disfellowshiped after they became adults and even though she did stop associating with them much, she did bend those rules when necessary. Years ago she would only talk to them when necessary for family business or whatever, then she started talking to them a little more often. Now she will take care of family things with them and go out to lunch or dinner at the same time. Its not as big a deal now even though its still not normal association (she wont call them just to chat..but will chat if they call ). Also my oldest brother was df'd about 20 years ago and he was cut off from us for years but she kept contact with him occasionally over the years. She has never fully cut off any of us that are df'd and I believe this is because it goes against her own conscience to do so even if its what the society says to do. These are her flesh and blood. She also has grandchildren including my own son and she loves them to death and I think she has a hard time going against that feeling of wanting to be part of their life.

the father on the other hand, does not speak to me although we live under the same roof. he used to totally ignore anyone df'd, even family but he has changed a little. now he doesnt speak to anyone in our family that is df'd unless he is in a forced situation and then its just a light conversation about nothing. but you should have seen how he beamed earlier this year when my grandmother died and he had all of us together at the funeral to take a picture (nine kids) we havent been together for a picture in over 20 years and i could tell he enjoyed having the whole family together. its unnatural what the society does to disfellowshiped family members. the reason he doesnt talk to me is more a personal thing in addition to the df'ing.

flower

14

What do I do?.......

by flower in

jw
friends

i'm so upset the more i read and find out about the society.

its all hard to take for me but i'm accepting it more and more.

the problem i have is that i want so bad to tell my mom what i have found out.

flower

Thanks for your comments guys. I guess I also should have mentioned that I am currently DF'd for the past couple of years. I spent the first 25 or so years of my life in the 'lie' before I drifted away and was eventually df'd for premarital sex. I know the hold that they have on people because I was under it even after I left. Until recently in fact. I guess I will have to wait until I am secure and then will talk to her. I feel its my obligation to at least try even if they will not listen or will cut me off.

flower