I am going totally crazy without him in my life. I miss talking to him for hours on the phone, I miss spending time with him, I miss being a part of his life. It was my decision to end things, and I know he still wants to be with me, but I am still torn to pieces. I am confused, and don't know what to do. His family has been pressuring me to continue studying to become a witness. The brothers and sisters in his congregation come to my house to "preach" to me,{okay I think they are spying on me), and ask when I will start coming back to the meetings. I have even been invited to the assembly in June. But he still continues to take a passive role in this. It matters to everyone that I am a witness but to him, or so it seems. Although he did tell me, that the only way we could take our relationship to the next stage is if one of us gave in, he didn't say, hey, you gotta become a witness, he kept it neutral. But I have been the only one who has been pursueing the other side of the coin...studying with his sister in law to learn the truth. And it has mentally and emotionally killed me, all of the beliefs and rules and regulations, it seems more like a prison than a faith, they started telling me what was acceptable to wear, who I should spend my time with(not my worldly friends), and when I was gonna trade my 2 door sports car in for something else. It's like all the relgious beliefs that I grew up with were slowly being taken away by tyrancies. My heart felt like it was being eaten away by vampires and vultures, eagerly wanting to take away my soul. It would kill me to be a witness, but it's also killing me being without my best friend. The only person that I could ever say was truly my soul mate. I miss him and feel terribly vulnerable that I will give in just to be with him. I did tell him once upon a dream that I was open to different religious beliefs, so I guess that was my first mistake. I will probably go to hell for even entertaining the notion, But do I convert for him?
Do I convert for him????
by butalbee 23 Replies latest social relationships
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bitter mango
butalbee, you are in a very tough spot ... i am so sorry. you don't want to hear my personal opinion, however i must say i agree with outlaw.
*hug*
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Abaddon
No.
You will be simply leaping from the frying pan into the fire.
You know it isn't the truth. If you are prepared to spend your entire life living a lie, being judged by nonsensical standards, living with a man who would probably 'take a passive role' (i.e. not be on your side) if you ever broke any rule and get disfellowshipped, if you are prepared to 'live' a 'life' like that, then become a Witness.
It won't work, and you will be exchanging your unhappiness now for far greater unhappiness in the future.
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I feel with every fibre of my being that it would be disasterous to convert, unless of course, you believe it is the 'truth'.
As to the heartbreak you're going through... well, many of us have been there, with or without the complication of differing belief. All I can tell you is however shitty you feel now, you will get over it. Everyone does. Maybe a little bit each day so it seems you're not getting over it, until one day, all you have is a gentle regret, not a cutting pain.
People living in glass paradigms shouldn't throw stones...
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willy_think
"Do I convert for him????" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! OUTLAW is telling you like it is. run away
The Great and Powerful Oz:
pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
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cellomould
Hi Butalbee,
I think that an 'upgrade' rather than a 'conversion' is called for under the circumstances.
It will pinch a little, but its a wiser investment in the long run.
cellomould
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke
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Sirona
Dont convert.
If he loves you, he has fallen in love with you the NON-witness. The problem with the JWs is that they take away your freedom to be you. Dont ever, ever, let anyone or any group make you into something you are not.
Im a great believer that if someone is meant to be in your life, they will be. If you truly feel a deep bond with this man, then no religion will stop you being together. However, if he did choose the religion over you, you can be reassured that you dont want a man who would do that! He should love you for who you are, and if he doesnt like it, then say goodbye to him. You want a man who will love you for YOU, not because you do what he wants.
Sirona
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Darkhorse
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Do not convert - you will lose yourself and your soul. The man you love may have fallen in love for the person you really are, not the JW you could become. I have never been a JW - after all I have learned, I will never become one - even if I was the loneliest person on earth. At least I would still "own" my free will and soul.
I would be careful though, I do not know you at all nor the person you love. You had mentioned he seemed passive as far your becoming a Witness. It could be possible he could be using his "brothers and sisters" to lure you in; therefore he would not feel as if he coerced you to join, and he would not have to "claim responsibility" for that act if your relationship failed at a later date.
Religion is a very powerful thing - it can either bring people together or break them apart.
I hope you and your love find your way.
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wonderwoman77
No one can tell you what to do, but you stated in your post how awful it made you feel when they were telling you what to do. That will only get worse if you become a JW. All the attention you get from them now, will fade and you will be just another face at the KH. Do not throw away your identity to be with someone, you are better by yourself. I understand your strong love for him, but if does not love you for who you are, then you deserve better. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is the truth. It is not love unless he loves all of you. You will only be miserable and resent him and the religion if you join. I can tell that from your remarks in your post. Please think carefully and long before converting.
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LB
butalbee you've received some good advise here in my opinion. Don't convert. If the JW's are causing you some sadness now, you won't believe how bad it gets later. And there is NO getting out without serious problems.
Letting go now will only hurt for a short time. The hurt will last a long time if you were to convert.
Never Squat With Yer Spurs On