I know that with more experience on this forum that I will eventually ease off telling overly personal stories, but this reminds me of the last conversation I had with my mother. We had always had a fairly good, joking relationship and were reasonably close until I left at 16. I used to phone home about once every year, just hoping that they might show some interest in my life. This never happened, of course.
The last time I spoke with my mother was probably 7 or 8 years ago. I was in my early twenties and had already been through so much. I started to break down crying telling her how much I needed them. My mother said to me with a smile in her voice that I could actually hear, "Ruby, your father and I are over you. It's been (however many) years, we just don't cry about you anymore. We've moved on and so have your brother and sister".
She then told me that the only home my father and she have for me is that I might die in an accident before Armageddon so that I have a chance of being resurrected. Having your mother tell her that she is "over" you, and that she hopes you might die soon - no matter what the context - is very painful to carry around.
I feel almost guilty for indulging myself here, airing my dirty laundry with this memory, but I realized that I've almost never mentioned it since and how often I think of it. Painful stuff.
RubyParker
JoinedPosts by RubyParker
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53
JWs and Love towards their families
by R.F. inthis is something that just popped in my mind suddenly.. but i was thinking about over the years the many comments of jws about loved ones.
for instance, one sister was speaking of her disgust with her children not accepting the "truth".
she gladly tells anyone of what she told them; that if they don't accept it before armageddon that it's too bad.
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RubyParker
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37
I told my parents I no longer believe the Watchtower Society
by B_Deserter inthey insisted i come over for a debate, a chance for them to save me since according to my mother this was "a matter of life and death.
" basically i spent the whole evening passively nodding my head and acknowledging what they said.
i tried a few times to argue or debate but getting through to them was impossible.
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RubyParker
Hello B_Deserter,
Please contact me if you feel so inclined. I would like to talk to you more about your "fade out" strategy, which I know a lot of Witnesses choose. Please refer to my recent thread. My mother said the same thing to me when I left - "life or death".
Ruby -
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new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Penny2,
This is something I worry about all of the time. I worry about my parents who have never educated themselves because of the WTS, who work at low paying menial jobs just to get by until Armageddon. When the Great Tribulation doesn't arrive and they are too old to work -- who is going to look after them? Will I be able to visit them on their death beds only to be sent away / rebuked? I am torn on this issue, and I picture the scenario you described above happening to me in the future. Thank you Penny2, Ruby. -
74
new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Hubert,
Thank you very much. Suicide is a major issue I need to cover. It sounds horribly macabre but with all the right intentions at heart, I need to information, resources regarding this. I need specific names and locations. I will be dedicating this film to them. This is difficult of course because even if an individual were to commit suicide after being DF'd (can you imagine how many have?), and even if this individual were to lay it out in a letter it is not as though the parents would trumpet the fact in front of the media. This is a difficult one. Please keep in touch.
Ruby. -
74
new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Monophonic,
Thank you so much for your support. Re: filmmaking - as I responded to Paralipomenon, I am lucky to have friends who work in the industry, and am currently picking up a minor in film studies, considering an MFA after the film is completed. Regardless, it is impossible not to make mistakes, and I would love to hear more about yours. The budget is, of course, of huge concern to me. I am fortunate to have friends who have received substantial grant money in the past, who have aided me in pulling together a creative treatment / proposal as well as to write grant proposals. I do have a trained cinematographer on board. My current concern is finding the right producer for my film. No matter what happens - it will go forward.
Would love to hear more from you. If you feel comfortable doing so - please contact me directly at [email protected] so that you can share some of your insight. I truly appreciate your support. Thank you, Ruby. -
74
new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Jgnat,
It is amazing, isn't it - how the onus is placed entirely upon the individual who is disfellowshipped / disassociated? The language that is used consistently removes the action away from the organization and places it on the individual.
Ruby -
74
new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Observador,
Not having other immediate xjw's to speak with, and having carried this weight for over a decade (just like many others on this forum) I can't really tell you how much supportive statements like yours mean to me right now. I was already beyond motivated, chomping at the bit, practically rabid to put this production together for my own personal reasons. As I receive supportive statements like yours I feel overwhelmed with motivation for the sake of others. It is so wonderful to be reminded that I am not alone, that I am NOT CRAZY, and with enough work I might be able to help others through this -- ON BOTH SIDES. After what I have been through, that is literally all that I want from this life. Thank you. Ruby. -
74
new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Quandry,
Your daughter is very very fortunate to have parents who truly know the meaning of "unconditional love". A large question for debate is simply: how is it that religious organizations are able to successfully persuade parents to subvert their natural maternal / paternal instincts toward their children. When I read statements like yours I feel elated on one hand to know that some parents were strong enough to see through it, to not abandon their child. On the other hand it hurts me to know that my parents do not feel as strongly about me as you do about your daughter. Thank you for posting this, and feel free to get in touch with me directly. Ruby. -
74
new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Hello Lady Lee,
Thank you for your response. I would certainly be interested in talking with you. Please do contact me directly at: [email protected]
As I am explaining to all others via e-mail, the response I have received is overwhelming. It will take much time to sift through all the messages I have received (just within the last 20 hours), but I will respond to each and every individual. I have taken off the next year to work on this project - so whether it takes weeks or months I will get back to everyone. Thanks very much for sharing a bit of your personal history with me. Ruby. -
74
new documentary film about Disfellowshipping - the anti - Knocking
by RubyParker inmy name is ruby parker.
i am 29 years old.
i was disfellowshipped when i was 16, i have completed a double major in anthropology and religion studies.
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RubyParker
Hi Kenneson,
To be honest, I am so angry about Knocking right now that I find it hard to see straight. Thank you for providing this helpful link. There is so much hype, and it is so disturbing to sift through. It is something I have been putting off - but yes - I am well aware of its' existence. I suppose I have to start viewing this as what it really is: another resource. Thank you. Ruby.