I look at my problem unbiasedly....and all I can think is: "This is your worst problem? That's IT!? Why would such a petty thing as one girl bother you to this extreme extent?"
The only answer I can come up with is....I am weak. I have noone to hold me and tell me everything will be OK. Noone is there that I can talk to. Anyone who could possibly give a damn is in no position to help. And above all....
I am alone.
(((((((Anony-Mouse)))))))))))
If you'r gonna call yourself weak then you have to call us all weak (I have no problem with that) cos we've all experienced the feelings you've described - rejection, betrayal, cold heartedness, aloneness and of course the beautiful love and friendship you feel for this girl. You are gonna see what you describe in the movies and read about it in books - but it will never be as real as when you experience it yourself.
This is advice from someone much older. So live it and continue telling about it. We care - you're not annonymous here.