Posts by turnerc

39

Did You EVER Enjoy Going To Meetings Or Out In Service?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i can say that i don't thinki ever really looked forward to going to a 2 hour meeting or a 2 hour ride around in the "ministry.

turnerc

I can't say I hated or loved them either way. As someone else said - when I was a little girl and teenager I enjoyed the social side even though there were extreme moments of boredom! Hadn't known any other way of life thought so assumed it was normal. As I got older I found FS embarassing and made me cringe if I saw someone I knew. Towards the end before being df'd I hated every meeting and FS because I felt so hypocritical being there. Used tot ake lots of notes at assemblies to relieve the boredom and to try and make myself belive what I was hearing I think!

58

Newbies - Give us your stories....

by AK - Jeff in

most of old posters have hashed and re-hashed our backgrounds, history, and method of discovering the 'truth about the truth'.. your turn newbies!.

those who are lurking without the benefit of registration - it only takes a minute, and you too can give us your stories!.

those registered lurkers - what holds you back?

turnerc

I was disfellowshipped 10 years ago and have gone through times of not wanting to even thinking about my life as a JW and other times of getting very angry etc. Lots of ups and downs!

I was brought as a JW in a very spiritually strong family (I was third generation). My dad was (and still is) an elder so our family had an example to set in a fairly small congregation. I have to say that growing up the whole thing never felt quite right but I always thought it was my fault. As I got older I led a bit of a double life - behaving like the real me when I was at school and being the good christian elders daughter elsewhere. I realise now that wanting a boyfriend and wanting to be able to socialise with your friends outside of school are perfectly natural things and are not a sin. I still have some feelings of resentment for the way I was made to feel when I was "caught out" a few times. I never ever want to make my daughter feel that way.

I didn't have any inclination to get baptised but knew it would be expected at some point. I also knew that my only prospects in life were really to get married and have babies (I did want to have children) or otherwise be single and be expected to pioneer etc. If I wasn't baptised I wasn't going to be good marriage material!! After some pressure from my mum I got baptised at 15. Sadly I hoped that I would come up out of that water and suddenly feel the rush of love for Jehovah that had been missing but...........nothing!! I so wanted to do the right thing and feel the right thing but it never happened.

I took a liking to the son of a family who were friends with mine in a nearby congregation at the age of 16. He was 8 years older than and some disapproved but my rebellious side meant this made me all the more determined that it would happen and it would work. He was very shy and we didn't have much in common but started seeing each other. We got engaged when I was 17 and married when I was 18. We had hardly spent any time alone prior to getting married and I had gone straight from home to suddenly sharing my life with a man in my own house - this was quite a big shock! We did get on and had some good times but a lot of our time was spent with other people (either on FS, at meetings, at my parents, with his family or socialising with JW friends). All these things don't necessarily make for a good solid marriage, along with my doubts about the whole "truth" thing it was all a bit doomed really.

We'd been married for 2 years when I became friendly with a man at work. I found myself telling him how I really felt about the religion and life and we became close (not physically). I felt guilty about this closeness with another man and decided I should tell my husband. The first thing he did, without discussing it with me, was go to my parents to tell them. I had my mother calling me at work to tell me how silly I was being and my dad wanting to have "chats" with me. I felt suffocated and quite betrayed by my husband. I thought a husband and wife were supposed to sort things out between themselves - I should have realised this is not possible in the JW world. Things changed for me then, both with regards to the religion and my husband. I carried on the best I could but refused to do any presenting in the FS and wouldn't answer at the meetings. In many ways I felt I had done something very wrong and therefore didn't want to be a hypocrite pretending I was a good christian. I was quite hurt when my husband told me that my dad had asked if anything had happened between this other man and myself. When my husband told him no but that I did have feelings for him my dad apparently said, "it's not feelings we're concerned about only actions and spiritual health". My own father not concerned about my feelings?!

My husband agreed to try for a baby (at the suggestion of my mother) as I had always wanted this from the start of our marriage but he had kept putting it off. We tried but I never became pregnant and became more upset and confused. I carried on for nearly a year. There was a man at work who I chatted to a lot and he was interested in my life. I found I could open up my feelings to him and be honest. I gradually told him I was a JW and after a while admitted my doubts about the religion. We had discussion and debates about the beliefs and I began to realise it was okay and actually natural to question. I fell deeply in love with this man and 3 months later left my husband and the religion for good. The weeks following that were very very hard. I had feelings of guilt mixed with a tremendous feeling of freedom. I saw my husband a few times and he was very upset. I saw my dad once and he was in tears. My mother was angry towards me and said some hurtful things. My sister and her husband visited me and told me that if I didn't go back they would probably be the only ones that would keep in touch. I was disfellowshipped and then didn't see anyone from my family or so called friends. 2 months later I became pregnant with our daughter but I didn't see any of my family throughout my pregnancy.

I do see my mum and dad now but I think that it because of my daughter but I go with it until they try to force any issues. I have never seen my sister since the day she visited just after I left. I've seen my brother twice and each time he has tried to convince me to return.

It is now 10 years down the line and the man I left to be with is still by my side and I am still very much in love with him. He has been a real strength for me and helped me become a much stronger person. We are very very happy and our daughter will be 9 soon.

Soemtimes things still hurt and they always will do but I don't regret a thing.

18

I am ashamed.

by ThomasCovenant in

if we cut out all the crap, the jehovah's witness religion kills people through their 'blood' policy.

people die from following it.. therefore i am ashamed to say that i was part of it for so long.

i used to say, as many who are still in still do, that it's not a bad way of life.. yes it is.

turnerc

I've realised that it's only when you have the benefit of becoming removed from the religion that you really see it for what it is and can look at it objectively. I was brought up in it for 21 years and it took a long time to realise how awful some of the things are because they had been the only thing I knew.

I was disfellowshipped 10 years ago and haven't seen most of my family since. As someone else has said, you have to do whatever is right for you at the time. I try to have the policy of not having any regrets - just to learn from my experiences in life.

Don't be too hard on yourself.