Posts by memario

5

Perceptual Contrast and The College Girl.

by Blueblades in

jw
friends

dear mother and dad:.

since i left for college i have been remiss in writing and i am sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before.

i will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down....you are not to read any further unless you are sitting down, ok?.

What is your heritage?

by greendawn in

jw
friends

so what is it?

i say mine is english with an admixture of german (before the nazis ever existed, no need to go on about that) northern french and italian from venice.

i look northern european and feel close to that part of the world with family tradition being roman catholic.

memario

Italian both sides, born Canadian with half a brain.lol

mem

37

I finally took my stand.

by Orgull in

i just missed two meetings for the first time in five years.. this past week i went "on vacation", housesitting for relatives nearby.

i told my bookstudy overseer i'd be "away", even though i was only a twenty minute drive from the kingdom hall.

i spent the entire week away from my insane family, away from the meetings and away from my "brothers and sisters".. it felt great.. coming home felt... not so great.. but the first brick in my fade has been laid.

memario

I found the coolest "Evil Homer Face" in the carpet a few feet away from my chair.

Hey O, you too eh. Man, you must have a vivid imagination, or where you bored out of your skullLOL

mem

3

My Road Trip - who wants to meet up NY,VT,NH,Maine,Mass,PA

by memario in

jw
friends

i'm planing a road trip on my bike from sept 1 to sept 9/07.i'll be starting from niagara falls on.

crossing queenston/lewiston bridge.

rt 30 to fut 86 to rt 370 and rt 171 pa rt 171 to i81 to harrisburg, pa harrisburg, pa north rt 11 to rt 15 and home to ontarioi'd love to meet up with anyone in those areas on my trip, and if you have any advice on places to stay, eat at and see, i'd love to hear your suggestions.

memario

If I was close enough, I would be riding beside ya buddy.
Have a safe ride, and keep us informed as to how your making out.
Peace.

Thanks for that Stealth. I'll post pics! mem

2

My road trip - who wants to meet up? NY, VT, NH, Maine, Mass and PA

by memario in

i'm planing a road trip on my bike from sept 1 to sept 9/07.i'll be starting from niagara falls on.

crossing queenston/lewiston bridge.

my schedule right now is flexible, so i'm not completely sure which days i'll be where, but if you'd like to meet, we can arrange contact info through pm's.

memario

Cool man. Just an FYI, dont expect a response from people in MA. I dont think they have internet access up there.

That's way to funny man!! LOL Maybe I need to send some smoke signals. mem

11

My Story - Part Two

by memario in

in writing this story, i've done alot of soul searching, reflecting, examination of myself, my actions and motivations.

it hasn't been easy and has been painful.

i came to the conclusion that i was looking for a wife to have sex.

memario

That sucks.

nvr - it does, but I've learned to live with it. Next time I see him I'm going to give him a hug when he tries to shake my hand. We'll see how he responds.

I'm sure it feels good to get this all out on paper.

BFD - in a way it does feel good to finally put things down on paper, but it was a very painful process and brought back memories that I had supressed for a long time.

I absolutely guarantee you that your experience is shared by a lot of ppl your/our age. Im glad u posted.

fedorE - sadly I think you are right

Thanks for your responses unique1, OnTheWayOut and poppers.

Part three is going to be the most difficult to write, and right now I really don't know where to start with it, but will post it as soon as I can.

mem

8

My Story - Part One

by memario in

i am the youngest of three boys.. i was three years old when my mother started studying.

that was 1970. my father started studying a little over a year later and by the end of 1972 both were baptized.. they were caught up in the excitement of 1975.. my father had his own business, which he stopped working at for the year.

we went back to his homeland to visit all his relatives and try to convert them before armageddon.. by the end of 1975 my parents were broke, armageddon hadn't come, and our home had to be sold.

memario

Did your father ever hit you? Was he an elder of MS and did ur family entertain other JWs over for dinner or coffee...

FedorE - My father never hit me, he never showed any emotions towards us kids. He was an MS for a short time, but he stepped down because of political reasons in the KH (that's a whole other story for another time!). My parents did have others from the KH over for dinner etc, but we were to be "seen and not heard". unique1 - thanks for your condolences! lol mem

11

My Story - Part Two

by memario in

in writing this story, i've done alot of soul searching, reflecting, examination of myself, my actions and motivations.

it hasn't been easy and has been painful.

i came to the conclusion that i was looking for a wife to have sex.

memario

choosing life -Thanks! I hope good things come of it and I'm already gaining my self respect back. I only hug my mom and yes it is like hugging a stiff board. lol And as for my dad, a handshake would suffice.

8

My Story - Part One

by memario in

i am the youngest of three boys.. i was three years old when my mother started studying.

that was 1970. my father started studying a little over a year later and by the end of 1972 both were baptized.. they were caught up in the excitement of 1975.. my father had his own business, which he stopped working at for the year.

we went back to his homeland to visit all his relatives and try to convert them before armageddon.. by the end of 1975 my parents were broke, armageddon hadn't come, and our home had to be sold.

memario

Thanks ex-nj-jw - yes it was a strange childhood!

Changeling - part two is posted.

mem

11

My Story - Part Two

by memario in

in writing this story, i've done alot of soul searching, reflecting, examination of myself, my actions and motivations.

it hasn't been easy and has been painful.

i came to the conclusion that i was looking for a wife to have sex.

memario

In writing this story, I've done alot of soul searching, reflecting, examination of myself, my actions and motivations. It hasn't been easy and has been painful. I came to the conclusion that I was looking for a wife to have sex. I was the typical young, horny JW male. Plus I thought a wife would finally fill the void in my life.

In 1987, at 19 years old, I had my first serious girlfriend. After dating for 10 months in a long distance relationship I asked her to marry me over the phone. At the time she said "yes, but we need to talk". Next time I saw her she told me that she didn't think it would work, our backgrounds were too different. I was heartbroken. I didn't believe that was the real reason, but that's all she would tell me. I didn't find out the real reason until July 22 of this year. I'll explain how this came about in part three.

Some time later I met this beautiful JW girl at a party. Only one problem, she wasn't baptized yet. For the next couple of years we knew of each other, saw each other from time to time and did things together with mutual friends. We didn't start dating until after she was baptized in 1989.

While we were dating I felt on top of the world. I felt I finally had done something right - I had found the right girl, one my parents would approve of. I just wanted to be happy.

After you've been dating for a while the questions start "when are you getting married?" I think our parents knew there was more going on physically between us than was proper for a JW couple dating .

An elder counselled me not to have a long engagement so things wouldn't "get out of hand".

We got married early 1991.

Suddenly I'm a married man, an adult. I had a panic attack on our second night as a married couple. I had no idea how to be either of those things, but NOW I CAN HAVE SEX!! In thinking back and examining my motivations, this was a major factor for wanting to get married. Sex outside of marriage was forbidden. It was the JW thing to do - get married. But I also thought marriage would bring me the happiness I saw in other married couples.

I brought the idea that I had only to think about myself into our marriage. I had never been taught how to talk and discuss situations with my wife. This attitude got our marriage off to a rocky start. Another idea I brought into the marriage was that sex was the most important thing, nothing else really mattered. I didn't realize there was more to sex than the physical aspect of it. I was so infatuated with the "act" of sex that I ignored the intimacy part of it, the little considerations towards my wife that would have contributed to the intimacy.

I cannot ever remember my parents showing each other affection. They certainly never hugged us kids. As a result I really didn't know how to show affection, or had a warped view of what affection was. My wife tried to talk to me about this, but I really couldn't understand the concept and saw it instead of rejection. I shut down.

We went about our daily activities, not so much as a married couple, husband and wife, but more like room mates, or friends "with benefits". We would go along this way for a while, then my wife couldn't take it any more, would try and talk to me about things. I never really listened to what she had to say, because I didn't know how to change, I could only go by what I had experienced with my parents.

I was numb. I had shut down so long ago, I just didn't know what to do. It was easier to remain numb than open myself up to the feelings. I don't think I ever learned how to feel.

Until now.

The last four weeks have been an awakening for me. I have experienced more feelings in the last 4 weeks than I have in the last 39 years of my life. If I had learned how to feel as a child, this experience wouldn't have been so hard and painful for me and my wife, and it wouldn't have taken me so long to deal with things.

I've done alot of soul searching, examining, contemplating, meditating and crying, crying, crying, releasing the pain of the last 39 years. It's been emotionally and physically draining for the both of us.

As hard as it was for me to write this, it's going to be even harder to write the next part. I still need some time to sort things out and get it down on paper. There is alot of releasing of pain and anger.

Please be patient with me and stay tuned for part 3.

mem