I just got off the phone with her and she read my email, but she still wants out. I asked again if there was someone else (she said NO!) I asked if it was being a wife and mom and she got overwhelmed. She said it was a lot of little things that built up and she just doesn't want to be married anymore. So thank you all for your advice I guess going forward is to go ahead with the divorce. I know I tried everything I could but she is leaving anyway.
ttc99wilson
JoinedPosts by ttc99wilson
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
I have read every reply and I know that most of you think I am some kind of jerk. Sometimes when we post, the true meaning is lost because of the inability to truly express oneself. Well there is a lot more that hasn't been discussed simply because of the amount of time it would take. I have tried to reach out to her several times, I have apologized for my faults and have promised her that I could work on them and make changes. However, don't be fooled into thinking that she is the victim in all of this. She has her faults too but after time and prayer I just learned to overlook them. My wife has never been good at talking about her feelings, and for that matter me neither. We seemed to do better when we emailed each other that way she didn't feel like I was being confrontational. So just so all of you know, I have sent several emotional emails and letters that I felt I was basically pooring out my heart to her and she never responded. I asked her if she even read them and she said she had. I have tried to talk to her and she just clams up and doesn't discuss it. I just sent her another email after realizing after some of you said that it's no wonder she is leaving. In a nut shell, I was very sincere and apologized for being spiritual and asked her to work things out with a neutral counsler. I hope I can get through to her and once again thank you all for helping me realize I was being a bit too spiritual and that was actually causing more friction.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
Thank you all for your support and advice. It is really hard to know what to do right now, part of me says let her go if that is what she really wants and the other part says try and get through to her no matter what it takes.
I am going to try and get through to her as a friend and husband, we have been through a lot over the last 8 years and although I have a strong desire and committment to serve Jehovah my zealousness may be pushing her away. The best I can hope for now is that she will meet me somewhere along the way and confide in me what is really going on and maybe she will be willing to give us another chance.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
I wish I knew the answer but she is unwilling to talk to me or any of the witnesses besides her mom. And as far as I am concerned her mom is one of those witnesses who leads a double life. She married a wordly man while she was inactive and then started going to meetings again after some time went by. I think my wife will eventually try the same. She can had her witness life when she goes to meetings and when she gets home she can have the world and not have to answer to a Christian husband who is going to question her actions.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
For the record, I have tried to work things out with her. She told me there is no chance for r econciliation. She has even went so far to say that she still wants to go to meetings with her mom but they will both find another hall to go to. It seems that she wants out of this marriage but still wants to go to meetings, but that is a conflict and she I think she is having trouble because she realizes that she can't fool Jehovah.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
Here is another stumper with her. Like I said, she only stays at home two nights a week because of our work schedules and someone needs to be there when I go to work at 5 am. When she is gone for two or three days she never calls to check on the kids, except twice. For example, on the weekends I will take the kids to my moms (cause we both work) and they will be there from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon and she won't call to check on them or talk to them.
I think she has felt trapped because of the marriage (being a submissive wife and having two kids) so I figured because she wasn't calling the kids that she was just trying to get some space. The other day I mentioned full custody and when I got home from work her and the kids were gone. She had taken them over to a friends and was very upset. Her decisions right now aren't making any sense at all.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
I have made up my mind about getting baptized. I would appreciate not getting advice from those of you that aren't witnesses or who were but aren't now.
I am not that upset anymore about her leaving.............if she wants to be a part of this system then that is her choice, I am more upset about what this will do to our children.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
I guess the one problem I am having is what I am supposed to do. The other day she asked me again to fill out the divorce papers. I told her when I got a letter to the elders saying she had been unfaithful that I would go along with the divorce. I haven't heard anything back from her. I don't understand why I am still scriptually obligated to her if she abandons me and leaves. She may never admit to having done anything, but if she has and I don't know then I will be stuck waiting around instead of getting on with my life. The problem I have is that Jesus said in Matthew that a man could only divorce his wife on the ground of adultery. There is no mention what to do if she leaves and turns to the world and its desires. I have a feeling that if we were living back in those times and she did this things would be a lot different then what the brothers recommend now.
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58
I just don't understand
by ttc99wilson inmy wife and i have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3).
we are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence.
now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where.
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ttc99wilson
My wife and I have been married for 8 years and we have 2 boys (8 and 3). We are both unbaptized publishers and a few weeks ago she told me that she couldn't me married to me anymore and that she wanted her freedom and independence. Now we are pretty much separated and she has been pushing for divorce, she stays and home about 2 nights a week and the other nights she stays somewhere and doesn't tell me where. I have asked her if there is someone else and she has denied it repeatedly.
We were both on the spiritual roller coaster during our marriage, sometimes hot and sometimes cold. However, when all this happened I decided to turn to Jehovah and the elders and I have made up my mind I am going to get baptized. She, on the other hand, won't talk to the elders, she won't talk with the sister she was studying with and she has been spending most of her free time with worldy women from work and her mom (who is a witness and is supporting her decision to leave me).
I guess what I don't understand is how someone who has been around the Truth for so long (we were both also raised in the truth when we were kids) could turn to the world and its desires. She also told me that she needed to be happy and that being on her own would help her do that. So all I know is that she is putting her own desire to be happy before her own children who will suffer the most out of this.
I tell myself everyday not to lean on my own understanding but to trust in Jehovah and he will make my path straight (can't remember off hand what scripture that is). I guess what I am looking for now are friends who have been through a divorce and can offer some advice.
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29
Necco Opened
by Necco ini am new to the website and i am witness.. i am astonishingly happy to be here and i wont be going anywhere else.
it's about time i found a forum with jehovahs witnesses!!
i'm almost doing cartwheels.
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ttc99wilson
Hi Necco,
I am also new to this whole Internet blog thing being one of Jehovah's Witnesses (Unbaptized publisher). I think this site is great and gives us a chance to branch out and meet new friends that we might not otherwise ever get to talk to.