Posts by LostorFound

32

Being afraid

by ex-nj-jw in

jw
friends

when i was a little girl, i was very afraid of thunderstorms - every time we had one i thought it was armageadon (did i spell that right?)..

so what were you afraid of?

what made you think the "big a" was here?

It was the peace and security talk that scared me the most, as well. Funny thing is, until I got older it wasn't becuase of Armagedon that it scared me. It was the events that would precede Armageddon. When the governement turned on religion!

I will never, ever, ever forget the trauma that was inflicted on me at that meeting. At the start of his talk, the brother on stage announced it was now illegal for witnesses to go door-to-door in the United States. I was stunned! This must have been twenty years ago, I was around ten. The fear I felt will never leave me. Fear of what? Well, the torture of course. Time for the persecution to start. Broomsticks up the girl's hoohahs - til they will not go any further (an important detail burned into my mind) and bicycle spokes through the boy's legs.

The horrible fear I had of these things were all about to materialize. Thankfully the society had educated me from a very young age about the torture other witness children endured in other countries. It mentally prepared me to deal with it when my time came. /shiver

6

what dreams may come

by knock knock in

jw
friends

few and farrrrrrr between are my armageddon dreams but the other night one shewed up out of nowhere.

can't remember what led up to it but the pertinent part is this.

at one point others are around and there's a very distressed feeling; then it happens.

LostorFound

Crazy! I had an Armageddon dream just two nights ago. First one I have had in years. I guess it's due to my recent mental activity concerning the first twenty years of my life that I have ignored for the last 10.

Anyway, mine was very strange. All the power was out as in yours, but Armageddon was a small toranado, but only about a tall as me and nothing but wind. There was no debris or anything in it but I distictly remember the destructive force I knew this little torando contained. it was in my living room swirling around me and I think my mom was there (she is still JW). I was able to talk to it, and I was trying to reason with it. I wasn't in fear or anything. I felt very relaxed.

The end. Sorry, thats all I remember!

35

Free at Last, or am I

by Princess Daisy Boo in

i have just spent the last 3 or 4 hours reading everyone's posts and i am so thrilled and relieved that sites like this exist which allow us ex jw's to express ourselves.

i feel compelled to share my story, even though it is probably quite unremarkable.

i have this feeling that finally being able to express my thoughts albeit on the web, will finally allow me some freedom!.

LostorFound

And yet, 12 years down the line, I am still trying to find a way to deal with this whole religious issue. I can't bring myself to attend any other church and I despair at what kind of religious beliefs I should be bringing my children up with! I can't admit to my parents that I have birthday parties for my kids and celebrate christmas with my husband's family, for fear that they stop talking to me. I have nothing in common and therefore no relationship with my sister because she cleans rooms in bethal and spends the rest of her time either in personal study or in the field. I can't explain why it is that my children's grandparents are not at their birthday parties and live in fear that one of my kids says something about father christmas or something to my mother and "busts" me! I read these websites and discussion forums and still hear a little voice in my head saying don't read these things - they are bad, the society wouldn't approve, and yet I am relieved to read them! A part of me worries that by writing this all down I am finally admitting once and for that I am no longer a member of the witness world. I have not attended a meeting in 12 years and yet I still feel disloyal! How screwed up am I? How much do they really brainwash their followers?

This is *exactly* how I feel. I am so confused even after all this time. My son still goes to sleep listening to the bible story CDs. I do not celebrate any holdiays, etc. I still live my life as a witness morally, I guess (except for smoking). I also defend the beliefs of the witnesses when it comes up. I am not sure what compels me to do these things. I still fear Armageddon from time to time. I feel as if I will never really be secure that I made the right decision.

I was raised as 'part of something'. Now that I am not, it just doesn't feel right. Will it ever? Who knows. I really haven't looked into other religions much other than the LDS. Once I realized anything I wanted eveidence of came from the book they use, I showed them the door. Maybe there is something else out there. I have only just recently been able to face the decisions I've made. I think I lived the last 10 years with my back to the past trying to ignore it.

I feel guilty visiting this site and relating my experiences. Am I stumbling someone? Why do I even think that? My life is still split in many way over what it used to be and what it is. I am not sure I can ever put a normal life together. I wish you the best of luck in doing so, whatever normal means to you.

18

do you still JWspeak?

by knock knock in

but, i see that a good number of people here still say things like "i came in to the truth..." or "i learned the truth..." etc.

not being nitpicky or anything but just curious as to why do some still "talk the talk" so to speak.

just out of habit?

LostorFound

I do, it's just habit I guess. It really only happens when I talk to my mom who is still in, or my wife who studied for awhile. I still defend some of their beliefs, actually.

Never around non-JWs.

27

COLLEGE IS EVIL!!!!!

by why??? in

hi everyone...this year i had to go to the district convention and with my newly opened mind...i sat there rolling my eyes the whole time...i was however very distrubed by a talk on higher education...im sure you all know of it...basically telling all of us outright that it was no good and we shouldnt be going...now i know they have done it in the past...but it seemed so blatant this year in your face...college is evil.....here's a related link .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7vxnzoeeys&mode=related&search= .

hopefully the links work ..im not really sure how to do it .......

LostorFound

This came up with my mom two nights ago (she is still in 'The Truth'). She told me college was not frowned upon in general, community college would be OK nowadays. It's the campus & dorm lifestyle they are afraid of.

Too bad this wasn't the case when I was 18. In my congregation when you graduated it was the unwritten rule that your career as pioneer starts. So much wasted potential.