If the child remains a child and every single thing heads in that trajectory, then yes that is likely. I'm not saying it wouldn't be challenging to get over, but if you're so insistent on the permanence of the effect then there's no possibility for change allowed in that mindset is there? I just don't see how that view is helpful, outside of prevention - but that's not going to happen 100% in the real world. So lets say it's after the fact, what do we just throw our hands up and say okay, nothing we can do?
educ8self
JoinedPosts by educ8self
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11
If You've Been Abused in a Bad Marriage or Relationship You Can Leave
by flipper inhello people, as some of you may know, i have been married to mrs. flipper for almost a year now.
life is great, we both have never been happier!
but i know it's not like that for some of you, believe me, been there , done that at another time and place.
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educ8self
Thanks Flipper, that was actually a rhetorical question - I may have forgotten a lot but I do know the JW doctrines, I just ignore it. I was trying to convey the insanity of that kind of view, I think that goes a long way - more so than knowing the interplay of the reasonings and so forth if it is really seen for what it is.
And I do agree that you can find someone who you can be with for the rest of your life, and I think the way to do that is to not hang on to a relationship in spite of all signs showing it wouldn't work just based on sticking to an idea. It isn't loving in the long run. It takes a radical honesty of being yourself rather than trying to fit into any mould.
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Rock bottom for jw's?
by carla inmost alcoholics have a rock bottom, unfortunately that rock bottom is often six feet under.
what was your rock bottom?
i think my jw's bottoming out point is endless, no end in sight.
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educ8self
Well many have changed a lot, but then it's not necessarily someone else changing them - even if they had an influence.
There's also the question of how deep the change is, even though many have left and no longer subscribe to that belief system, often psychologically things are not so clear on one level or another. And if deep change is going to happen, you can't rely on someone else - even an expert like a doctor. It's your life, your mind, you need to do it and you're in the best position to. That's why "hitting bottom" to me is about that depth, the event that happens in your outer life is rather incidental, just a reflection of where you've gone inside.
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educ8self
Humiliation is a subjective state of mind. Of course it is common for kids to be more self conscious - we've all been there - but that is precisely why it is so difficult, people are identified with every little thing so no real transformative change can take place.
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11
If You've Been Abused in a Bad Marriage or Relationship You Can Leave
by flipper inhello people, as some of you may know, i have been married to mrs. flipper for almost a year now.
life is great, we both have never been happier!
but i know it's not like that for some of you, believe me, been there , done that at another time and place.
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educ8self
I don't have stories - don't know if they're always helpful but I do know even mature people sometimes split up! This idea of the marriage/relationship having to be a permanent edifice is just more closed mindedness. When two people who are mature decide to end it it isn't anywhere near as dramatic - maybe somewhat on an emotional level, but they have a clear understanding of where they're at. Now if there's reason to end it in that situation then WHY would you stay in an abusive relationship? Gotta take the responsibility of living our own life.
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does this mean i miss them still?
by Missanna inwell i had another dream of my family last night.
i hate those because then the rest of the day i can't stop thinking of them.
in the dream me and my entire family all 8 of us were sitting at dinner in this nice resturant and i look at my mom and say so how do i look a year later?
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educ8self
Let me put it this way - acceptance isn't even about who they are, not really. It's just a set of judgements right? Although they might be so deeply in that it appears they are that set of beliefs and judgements, both to themselves and to others, on a more basic level they are just people, and they're your relatives.
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18
does this mean i miss them still?
by Missanna inwell i had another dream of my family last night.
i hate those because then the rest of the day i can't stop thinking of them.
in the dream me and my entire family all 8 of us were sitting at dinner in this nice resturant and i look at my mom and say so how do i look a year later?
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educ8self
Well lets make some specific distinctions, do you feel that way about them as people or as relatives? I mean you look at how many people have issues over relatives who are still in, it's obvious there may be something on that level. Again you may care about them on a deeper level, and it's just natural to want to relate with them - but that's not about their acceptance.
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does this mean i miss them still?
by Missanna inwell i had another dream of my family last night.
i hate those because then the rest of the day i can't stop thinking of them.
in the dream me and my entire family all 8 of us were sitting at dinner in this nice resturant and i look at my mom and say so how do i look a year later?
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educ8self
Maybe, but there is a difference between caring about them and missing and wanting their approval. So that wouldn't mean you condone the kind of things they do and what they believe, it's more along the lines of natural affection if anything - something many JWs have suppressed.
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"Evil Laugh"
by Briguy injust wondering if anyone else has aquired the "evil" laugh after they stopped being a jw?.
few months ago with-in my family (the non-witness side) i confided about many of the things i have come to learn from this site and other sources.
being as some familys do, word got around about my "apostate" thinking.
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educ8self
lol, actually this is something that goes deeper than just taking things lightly. It's possible that is a result of going beyond taking things personally, because if you were still there you'd probably get caught up in drama with your JW relatives. I went through a period where I did that at this kind of spiritual meeting (no it was not satanists or anything evil, but they understood it) but it tends to confuse a lot of people or even make people who understand uncomfortable. You end up laughing at yourself that way, and that's a sign that you've gone beyond yourself.
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which life should i choose?
by Calliope infor someone who believes this life is the only life (no afterlife, heaven, resurrection, reincarnation...), should i move to be close to my family?.
even though i have left the org.
they still talk with me, visit, i vacation with them... we have always been a closeknit family.
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