Posts by Tornintwo

9

A must read for all JW's and Ex-JW's

by iwasblind in

hi guys.

i am about 60% through the book exiting the jw cult: a healing handbook: for current & former jehovah's witnesses .

i bought this book because of a post about it last week so a big thank you for that.. i must say that everyone on this forum should consider giving this book a go.

Tornintwo

Hi iwasblind, thank you for the recommendation I'm going to get it today.

im newly out and struggling....everything has changed. I am speaking with an online counsellor and she gave me the 'task' of remembering what I was like & what I wanted at age 14! Why? Because that was the last time I was without jw influence or that of a domineering jw man! Scary, 25 years of my life lived differently from what it should have been, leaving me unskilled, short of cash, in a very difficult relationship and having to start all over again to build friendships and a community, wondering whether to leave my marriage, retrain and try to live the life I should have lived 25 years later....or to try and work with what I've got. Thank goodness for my wonderful children so that I don't regret.

But it's a strange, stressful and depressing time...there's a pull to go back to the but once you've taken that red pill there is no going back, and I can barely stomach the odd meeting never mind the whole 'spiritual' routine again.

Thanks for the recommendation and reminding me there's a lot of us going through the same things

4

Honor Your Story

by OnTheWayOut in

jw
friends

a recent thread mentioned members who wrote their own story as a book.

you don't have to have an entire book to write your story.

as a matter of fact, you don't have to share your story if you are not up to it.

Tornintwo

I'd love to read your story, gonna look it up right now

mine is developing fast...., oh the stress, leaving the high control religion, the effect on your entire world, friends, family, marriage, work.....the stress is quite extreme. I'm so grateful I have non JW, supportive family (parents and sibling) who have forgiven me for being such a pain in the ass cultist for the past 20 years, my heart goes out to those who's entire family are in.

Counselling, journalling, up all night posting, whatever it takes to get through x

20

need input: My wife is at it again...this time about the faithful and discreet slave

by goingthruthemotions in

so you all know that i go with my wife to the meeting to protect the kids from the drival and pacify her.

tonight we are sitting there and she points to mathew and says something about the faithful and discreet slave and she said eplain this.

so breaking away from what i was reading in the meeting..." in search of christian freedom by franz"...i said.

Tornintwo

Ask her where the proof is for their appointment in 1919....I'm just recently out and this was something I always struggled with, why? There is no proof! Follow up with, do you know what they believed in 1919? Eg. They spent the next 6 years preaching Armageddon and the earthly resurrection would come in 1925! Would Jehovah really have appointed them as his one true channel and then allowed them to preach falsehood?

anyway, let's face it with an fully indoctrinated spouse, probably none of this will work, mine is fully in and I think he needs it for various emotional reasons. Apparently me having doubts this last few months has been a severe spiritual trial for him!! From one divided home to another, my sympathies...

7

FMF 100th Post: Don't Go Through Life, Grow Through Life.

by freemindfade in

i have been waiting to post this 100th post to come up with something half decent.

while i was driving this morning this is what i was thinking about.

there are a lot of new folks on here, and who knows how many lurkers checking in.

Tornintwo

Nice post..and so true

when I first started doubting, I desperately wanted accurate answers to all my questions like yesterday! It's ingrained with us, we must have all the answers! The society has got themselves in a mess trying to answer everything categorically so much that it's laughable!

A few weeks in I read a post here that said 'I'd rather have questions I can't answer than answers I cant question' and it blew me away.

Now I have slowed right down and am happy not to know everything, I have some beliefs I'm holding onto but I am not afraid to question them, if they get proved innacurate it's not the end of the world (lol) and I can 'grow' from the discovery as you say.

The thought that God would kill anyone for not having the right answers in this day and age of multiple faiths, skepticism and information overload, is just barbaric. One thing I do know, if there is a god, he or she has to be more merciful and compassionate than me and I wouldn't kill my kids if they didn't understand something correctly, especially if I'd made the instructions as clear as mud!!

32

My parents sent the elders after me

by atacrossroads in

jw
friends

i stopped regulary attending meetings and going in field service in january.

the elders have left me alone for the most part i think because of my jw husband.

last week my parents came over and told me i needed to come back to meetings.

Tornintwo

Well done for the way you handled the elders, they weren't there to 'encourage' you, it sounds like they were there to try to catch you out. It's great your husband is being more reasonable, might wake him up.

im in a similar situation, second month inactive so I'm expecting a visit soon, my planned responses are; I have some personal problems right now (true), thanks for your concern, don't want to discuss it right now.... Etc. etc.

10

Independent article: Spiritual abuse

by Tornintwo in

jw
friends

i've been reading about different types of emotional abuse to help me define and cope with my difficult marriage, came across this article : 7 ways a person can be abused, by a psychologist.

http://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2015/08/7-ways-a-person-can-be-abused/.

includes forms of 'spiritual abuse' - these sound familiar?.

Tornintwo

I've been reading about different types of emotional abuse to help me define and cope with my difficult marriage, came across this article : 7 Ways a Person can be Abused, by a Psychologist

http://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2015/08/7-ways-a-person-can-be-abused/

Includes forms of 'Spiritual abuse' - these sound familiar?

Spiritual Abuse. Has the victim experienced:

Dichotomous Thinking – Dividing people into two parts. Those who agree with them and those who don’t. They make fun of, belittle, and show prejudice towards other beliefs.
Elitists – Refusing to associate with people or groups they consider impure or unholy.
Submission – Requires that others completely adopt their point of view. There is no room for differing opinions or questioning their authority. Name calling, chastising, and the silent treatment are common maneuvers into compliance.
Labeling – People who don’t comply with their beliefs are seen as disobedient, rebellious, lacking faith, demons, or enemies of the faith.
Public Performance – Demand perfection and happiness at all times. Religious activities such as attending church have extreme demands, excessive expectations, and rigidity.
Legalistic – Strict adherence to their rules and regulations are commanded with absolute statements about insignificant issues such as hair color or style. Non-compliance is met with severe discipline and even excommunication.
Segregation – Use secrecy or withholds information to a few select worthy individuals. Estrangement from extended family members and friends outside of the religion. This includes shunning, alienation, or persecution.
Blind Obedience – Is expected. They have replaced religion with themselves and people are expected to worship them.
Abuse of Authority – Use position or authority to connive for their personal benefit which is often financial. They justify the behavior by saying they deserve it.
Fraud – Engaging in criminal misconduct or cover up the transgressions of others in the name of their religion. This includes covering up sexual abuse, physical abuse, financial felonies, and misdemeanors.

23

Help me Out Here

by vinman in

i've been out about 9 months.

and yes i am still obsessed with anti-watchtower material.

i've been married 23 years.

Tornintwo

I am in the early days of waking up to ttatt, without reading here/JW facts regularly my indoctrinated mind drifts back to guilt and self doubt, so I feel we need it. I also think we're so used to having all the answers we want to resolve everything now! I am getting used to the idea that we don't have to know everything. A poster said on here "I'd rather have questions I can't answer than answers I can't question" - I love that phrase!

I was in my teens when I got converted, gave up opportunities like a modeling contract, university place, now in my 40s it's not gonna happen, it's very frustrating. Also gave up true friends and hobbies.

For now I enjoy little things, I love reading thrillers, but I used to restrict reading them so I would have time to read the magazines etc lol! Now I can dive in and it gives my brain a much needed rest from researching ttatt and all the psychological damage the Jws did to me and my kids. Also it feels great to go to the beach on a Sunday instead of a snooze fest/judge fest meeting, just look at the waves and play with my little one, with genuine appreciation for life and God instead of forced 'devotion' given to show off to other men. I've also reached out to school friends I'd left behind, it feels great to catch up and I apologized for walking away from them, I never replaced them in the org in 20 years, that says it all really doesn't it?

long term goals include buying a house, studying at open uni, but baby steps are all I can manage right now.....enjoying the little freedoms and pleasures we denied ourselves for so long.

31

Having One Of Those "Pondering Disassociation" Days :(

by freemindfade in

there are a lot of things that make me have days like this, the utter embarrassment of being are part of a cult that protects child abusers, that enforces emotional brutality through shunning, and that lies constantly.

the lying i can tolerate, the world is built on bullshit, i have a high lie tolerance.

i can ignore it if it has no effect on me etc.

Tornintwo

I can relate to the 'embarrassment of being a part of this cult' , I have something which helps with this that doesn't involve disassociating. I am now openly admitting to non witness family and friends that I am no longer in agreement with some of the teachings and Im not really a JW anymore, they inevitably ask why you don't walk away completely? and the answer is 'if I do that or admit how I feel then none of them will be able to talk to me again' to which the answer is 'no way?, unbelievable!' and they see even more how wrong the religion is. It feels good to openly acknowledge my distance from the faith now, like rejoining the human race, and I do so safely knowing that none of these people are in touch with any witnesses I know.

my marriage is now in absolute crisis, I just can't support my husbands controlling, over zealous application of JW rules in our family anymore, he's lost any semblance of submission from me (I've put up with way too much crap over the years already) so I've no idea if the marriage will survive, but I'm hanging in there going to a few meetings for my teenage daughter..... It's tough but if it's for someone you really care about you can manage a couple of hours once a fortnight, at least it's not a 10 Hour+ a week commitment with a side order of guilt anymore!

Sympathies from one 'divided home' to another x

75

If you could ask Geoffrey Jackson one question that he had to answer what would it be?

by jwleaks in

what question would you ask geoffrey jackson, as a member of the governing body of jehovah's witnesses, to answer?

.

jw leaks.

Tornintwo

I'm wound up now, In their instructions to the branch, why do they look for excuses to allow appointments of men who have been child abusers in the past, allowing them to retain privileges, or be appointed if the offense was a long time ago and they are 'perceived' (by the untrained, unprofessional elders) to be in good standing. Does any congregation member want a former child abuser as an elder in their hall? However long it was ago.

You do something like that, you should never hold a privilege, small price to pay.

75

If you could ask Geoffrey Jackson one question that he had to answer what would it be?

by jwleaks in

what question would you ask geoffrey jackson, as a member of the governing body of jehovah's witnesses, to answer?

.

jw leaks.

Tornintwo

I'd like him to be questioned about shunning of df'd and da'd child abuse victims:

so a child is abused within the jw organization, his/her case is mishandled by the organization, he/she understandably leaves this religion - and then the religion tells all of her friends and family to shun him/her? How is that a reflection of christ's love and compassion? Doesn't that just compound the abuse and mistreatment?