Bluebell has already delivered a very good reply to you, very valuable advice. I can add my own situation; I'm gonna be a sailor, currently taking my four-year course to become a ship's officer, which means I'm going to be away from the country for periods of up to 9 months. Conventiently, I realised that this makes me completely out of reach for the congregation and the elders, and they can do NOTHING about it, there's no 'legal' steps they can take towards me. So, make something the excuse. It can also just be working overtime or at nights so you can't attend the meetings. This can get comprehensive though, regarding education and work it's of course not something that one should just do to make a fade easier, it's gotta be something you really want to do. But its nice if you can find something you would like to do that can 'coincidentally' hinder your meeting attendance. Then there's the easier one: Go on holidays or a course or something else for a period of time, maybe a month, long enough to make them used to not seeing you there. Then after you've returned, simply don't show yourself in the kingdom hall anymore, and do not hand in reports anymore, this way you lose contact with the congregation, and it may be a while before they start worrying. This has so far worked in my situation, as it's still a while 'till I'm going to the Seven Seas, and I couldn't wait any longer with fading. It may not be as simple in your situation but this is in short what I did. Sorry for the crappy formatting. :-) Wish you all the best.
Redbeard
JoinedPosts by Redbeard
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16
How to fade successfully?
by Maddie ini want to fade from the org but i am not really sure how many meetings i should miss to begin with.
is it best to decrease them gradually or go once a month?
i have a son and baby grand daughter that are jw's and belong to a different congregation.
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23
I've made up my mind :-)
by Redbeard inhi everyone, don't know if you remember me, i posted a topic a while ago because i was in need of advice about what to do in my life - so to all you who took your time and posted caring replys and good advice, i just want to say that i've made up my mind - i'm continuing my fade for the fourth month and i'm gone from the borg for good.
if some elders decide to stick their nose in it, i'll shut the door myself.
there's no future in staying in there for the sake of anyone else, lying to yourself and everyone else.
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Redbeard
Hi everyone, don't know if you remember me, I posted a topic a while ago because I was in need of advice about what to do in my life - so to all you who took your time and posted caring replys and good advice, I just want to say that I've made up my mind - I'm continuing my fade for the fourth month and I'm gone from the Borg for good. If some elders decide to stick their nose in it, I'll shut the door myself. There's no future in staying in there for the sake of anyone else, lying to yourself and everyone else. Thank you, to the ones who replied, and to all of you, for being here and providing "food at the proper time" ;-) Peace, love and freedom from Denmark.
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31
What song makes you think of your freedom?
by sweetstuff infor me its an old one, here's the link.
i love the lyrics!.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=luba&search=tag.
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Redbeard
There's just so many... Music is usually my psychiatrist, in this it is too. Currently it is Muse - Starlight.
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155
What Do You Do for Work / Career?
by BlackPearl ini've been on the board for quite a while now and was wondering, what do my fellow jwdr's do for work, employment or career?
me, i'm in probably one of the most hated careers in america right now.
(not gonna tell you what it is either) but how about you, what do you do to earn a little coin?.
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Redbeard
I'm studying to be an officer in the Danish merchant fleet, aka 'captain'.. an education that combines navigator, engineer and fireman in one. Quite unusual for a (former) jw I think. Have never heard of anyone else
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18
I desperately need some advice
by Redbeard inhey!
i'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here, this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times.
so nice to know that other people out there struggle with the same issues as me.
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Redbeard
I sincerely thank you all for your comments and the amount of time you dedicated. I wish you all the best. Redbeard :-)
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14
Hi everyone.. I need some advice...!!!
by Redbeard inhey!
i'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here, .
this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times.
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Redbeard
I sincerely thank you all for your comments and the amount of time you dedicated. I wish you all the best. Redbeard :-)
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14
Hi everyone.. I need some advice...!!!
by Redbeard inhey!
i'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here, .
this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times.
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Redbeard
Hi Eclipse, thank you for correcting the layout, tried to do it myself but it didn't work.. and somehow it seems your post has been deleted too :-( But thank you both very much for taking your time and giving useful response :-)
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18
I desperately need some advice
by Redbeard inhey!
i'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here, this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times.
so nice to know that other people out there struggle with the same issues as me.
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Redbeard
Somehow something went wrong when posting this, but now there's some text.. sorry for the layout though, tried to make it more reading-friendly but it doesn't work..
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14
Hi everyone.. I need some advice...!!!
by Redbeard inhey!
i'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here, .
this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times.
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Redbeard
Hey! I'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here,
this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times. So nice to know that
other people out there struggle with the same issues as me. I'm glad to be here, and salute you all, calling
myself by the name of 'Redbeard'.
I really need some advice about what to do in my life. I am currently fading, but have come to realise that
no matter how hard I try to stay in good standing with my family and my past, I will sooner or later be standing
at a crossroads and will have to take the final decision. And this is what it's all about.
My story in short: I am a young man at 21 years of age. I was born and raised in the truth - the good old story.
5 years ago I found out that I didn't really wanted to live as a jw (too late as I was baptized some years earlier).
I then reconciled with the 'truth' because of my family and the fact that I still lived at home.
Three years later, as I graduated from danish high school, I gradually found out that there was something rotten
in this religion - oppressive elders, crazy commandments from the organisation etc. This led me to examine the dark
side of the 'truth' and for the first time in my life explore the 'apostate' info on the internet - and then, one
and a half year ago, I was finally convinced that I had been deceived all of my life.
It took me a long time to get used to this thought, in many ways I had to rebuild myself completely as so much of me
had been built on the truth that was a lie. What kept me around at that time was my girlfriend (with whom I broke up
because of great unsettlements about the organisation) and my friends that I lived very close to.
A half year ago I moved to a new city to start a new education and started fading for real. And I found out it's very
hard to establish a decent life from scratch.
This leads me to the point of this post: I have built up a very strong network of jw-friends that I really care for.
The last two or three years I have been very popular among those friends, regardless of my very independent lifestyle.
They love me, even though I am rebellious, have long hair, an earring, have very stong opinions, go out to drink a lot
and listen to heavy metal - and I love them.
They don't shun me because of how I am and how I look, even though they know I'm not very fond of the organisation,
of field service etc., and it's the same with my loving and caring family. I sincerely love them, and until recently
my family and friends was all I really cared about in life.
I know that if I'm walking out, I will lose contact with them all, and worst of all it may break up my family, as my
mum isn't attending the meetings anymore, although still believing, which makes my father very sad, but not reproaching.
If I'm going, I don't know what will happen. I have the choice of leaving for good, continue with my 'worldly' girlfriend
that I love and have recently met, and live my own life.
OR I could go back inside and keep family, friends and still have the 'worldly' friends that I have found, though I
hate the organisation and everything it stands for, hate the elders and their power and don't believe in anything they say.
I know they will accept me and love me as I am, but I will have to ignore the facts and accept my life, and I will not
be able to go into politics and to have sex before marriage. This I can live without though - I'm not used to anything else.
I bet many of you have been in the same situation at some point. What did you do? And why? And what is your advice to me
- which road should I take? I so much hope to hear from you. Thank you all for being here.
Redbeard :-) -
18
I desperately need some advice
by Redbeard inhey!
i'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here, this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times.
so nice to know that other people out there struggle with the same issues as me.
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Redbeard
Hey! I'm new to this forum as a user, 'been hanging around for a while and enjoyed reading the posts here, this site has provided a lot of confidence and encouragement to me through harsh times. So nice to know that other people out there struggle with the same issues as me. I'm glad to be here, and salute you all, calling myself by the name of 'Redbeard'. I really need some advice about what to do in my life. I am currently fading, but have come to realise that no matter how hard I try to stay in good standing with my family and my past, I will sooner or later be standing at a crossroads and will have to take the final decision. And this is what it's all about. My story in short: I am a young man at 21 years of age. I was born and raised in the truth - the good old story. 5 years ago I found out that I didn't really wanted to live as a jw (too late as I was baptized some years earlier). I then reconciled with the 'truth' because of my family and the fact that I still lived at home. Three years later, as I graduated from danish high school, I gradually found out that there was something rotten in this religion - oppressive elders, crazy commandments from the organisation etc. This led me to examine the dark side of the 'truth' and for the first time in my life explore the 'apostate' info on the internet - and then, one and a half year ago, I was finally convinced that I had been deceived all of my life. It took me a long time to get used to this thought, in many ways I had to rebuild myself completely as so much of me had been built on the truth that was a lie. What kept me around at that time was my girlfriend (with whom I broke up because of great unsettlements about the organisation) and my friends that I lived very close to. A half year ago I moved to a new city to start a new education and started fading for real. And I found out it's very hard to establish a decent life from scratch. This leads me to the point of this post: I have built up a very strong network of jw-friends that I really care for. The last two or three years I have been very popular among those friends, regardless of my very independent lifestyle. They love me, even though I am rebellious, have long hair, an earring, have very stong opinions, go out to drink a lot and listen to heavy metal - and I love them. They don't shun me because of how I am and how I look, even though they know I'm not very fond of the organisation, of field service etc., and it's the same with my loving and caring family. I sincerely love them, and until recently my family and friends was all I really cared about in life. I know that if I'm walking out, I will lose contact with them all, and worst of all it may break up my family, as my mum isn't attending the meetings anymore, although still believing, which makes my father very sad, but not reproaching. If I'm going, I don't know what will happen. I have the choice of leaving for good, continue with my 'worldly' girlfriend that I love and have recently met, and live my own life. OR I could go back inside and keep family, friends and still have the 'worldly' friends that I have found, though I hate the organisation and everything it stands for, hate the elders and their power and don't believe in anything they say. I know they will accept me and love me as I am, but I will have to ignore the facts and accept my life, and I will not be able to go into politics and to have sex before marriage. This I can live without though - I'm not used to anything else. I bet many of you have been in the same situation at some point. What did you do? And why? And what is your advice to me - which road should I take? I so much hope to hear from you. Thank you all for being here. Redbeard :-)