Hello there!
Well, I am quite familiar with the situation, as I lived that way myself, although I still believed. But as soon as I realized what a big pile of bullshit my life was, and especially when I found the truth about the ‘truth’, I knew I had to get out of it. But as you all know, it is a long and exhausting process, and after years I am still not finished, though I have gotten over the hardest part – to learn how to be cynic about family and friends that will never see you again. Since I am a mariner and on the sea much of the time, being hard comes naturally. So I guess that is a blessing.
And one thing I do not understand is why so many of those living a double life never get on and get a decent life outside of the cult. MANY of them must have serious doubts, right?
I know that when you are inside, you are alone with your thoughts and it is dangerous to express any concerns or doubts about the Society (I sincerely hate the capital letter).
But – when I first started fading, many of my bad-ass-dub friends knew very well what I was doing, so it would have been quite safe to be honest and talk to me about their doubts, if I was leaving anyway, right?
But they did not – instead they just did all they could to talk me out of it and all of a sudden showed a kind of newfound born-again-christian love and devotion for the Society. And when I eventually fell into a spiritual ‘relapse’ because of the pressure from the people I loved, they – along with myself – went on with their wild double life, openly being hypocrites and disobeying all the laws, even boasting about it in the KH after the meeting!
WHY? They are not even being honest to themselves – and the way I see it, a double life can never be a decent and happy life, but will remain an unsolvable conflict until the day you die.
Do they not have doubts? Do they not desire freedom above all, as they time and time again run their head against the walls of the cult and realize that elders and the Watchtower law codes are in charge of their lives and occasionally slam down hard on them when their ‘sins’ are uncovered.
They must have doubts, they can not be stupid. It is so obvious that something is wrong, even when you believe. I have heard that from so many formerly strong believers now.
This is sort of my point:
I can understand why some choose to stay, if they at a high age finds the truth about the truth, as it must be extra hard to get out of it if you have wife and kids in it.
But when you are young, you have quite a fair chance to go out and get a clean start and a family away from the hell inside of the organization.
When I have hard times fading, I think about the kids I know I want in the future, and they must not grow up in the same shit I did, and have to go through the same hell I did. It would then be a circle with no end. I must break the circle! This is where it ends. It is not in question that the circle must brake before the next generation.
I just don’t understand why they don’t do anything. I really feel sorry for them. Maybe the desire for freedom is only that strong, if you – like me – is a rebel by nature?
My best wishes for all of you! :-)
Redbeard of the Seven Seas.