Thank you, Velta, for your advice. Actually I have been thinking about that too. But recently he has stopped playing with us for about a month. Though we have set up times to play a couple of times, he always finds "work," or couldn't come for "various reasons" at the last minute. Perhaps it's hard to understand their ways of thinking, but recently a friend from the forum has recommended me to read a couple of books that go deep into their mindset. I hope that when I am done with the books, I would still have a chance to help him. I wonder if my brother and I should be passive and just let things be, or should we be active and invite him to play with us again? It gets a little tiring asking when he is never available. I feel like we are causing him trouble whenever we set up a time to play. But then of the times we did play, he seems happy and himself.
Justafriend
JoinedPosts by Justafriend
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15
Can we still be friends even if we are not JWs???
by Justafriend inrecently i have noticed that a couple of my friends that are jws, especially this one guy that i play sports with.
in the beginning he was just there because of a friend, but later on he came more often and we became friends.
from the start, i knew there was something different about him.
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15
Can we still be friends even if we are not JWs???
by Justafriend inrecently i have noticed that a couple of my friends that are jws, especially this one guy that i play sports with.
in the beginning he was just there because of a friend, but later on he came more often and we became friends.
from the start, i knew there was something different about him.
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Justafriend
In response to Carla: Can you tell me what you mean when you said that my definition of friendship is different from his definition of friendship?? Does that mean that he doesn't regard me as a friend? The thing is, I have treated many of my other friends nicely and even nicer than I have to this JW friend, but none of them were half as grateful for what I have done for them. They just take things for granted. But this JW friend even bothered to send a thank you card for something so little. To be honest with you, I was really surprised by his gratefulness and sometimes I feel disappointed that many of the so called "Christians" (including me) are not as polite and respectful to the people around us. What is their true definition of friendship? I have heard from another JW friend that this JW friend is very quiet and solemn in KH, and my dad said that it's the rigid and religious part of him. Are they cold to their JW friends too?
By the way, I know it is anonymous here on the forum, but in response to what Changeling commented... I'm actually a girl... and I know that might complicate things a little because I can't be his buddy just like that... I mean, we might shared the same interests in certain sports, but I think he is trained to be even more cautious against "worldly girls" as opposed to "worldly guys." Before this summer we were more like buddies. I guess the guys treated me as one of them. But after coming back from a very long vacation myself (more than a month), he talks to me differently, less as a buddy and more like a friend at first, then just less altogether....
My brother can talk to him about more stuff, like cars and everything, but usually I have been the one contacting everyone for sports, including him. Recently I have stopped and let my brother contact him instead. It is because he used to respond to my invitations within ten minutes or so, but recently, he might not answered at all, or said that he couldn't come at the last minute at times, while at other times, he's there on the court early and all ready to go... I guess this is the part where he has been struggling with the two worlds that he's in. For some reason, he's more passive than before. For one thing, he doesn't call and say he wants to play sports himself like he used to anymore. Whenever we play now, it's always my brother and I do the asking and he sees if he can come and come accordingly. I have suspected that he's distancing himself from the rest of the group at times though he did ask once when's the next time we would be playing... but other than that, he's always unsure about the next time even if he did come. There's nothing I can do to help him, right? Except to be a buddy/friend as much as I can???
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15
Can we still be friends even if we are not JWs???
by Justafriend inrecently i have noticed that a couple of my friends that are jws, especially this one guy that i play sports with.
in the beginning he was just there because of a friend, but later on he came more often and we became friends.
from the start, i knew there was something different about him.
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Justafriend
First of all, I want to thank everyone for helping me out... To respond to Madame Quixote's inquiry about whether my friend is baptized or not.... truthfully I am not so sure, but I'm guessing he's been baptized since his father is an elder or someone like that. Is having been baptized a lot worse off than not getting baptized at all (when his attitude toward his faith is the same??) As to becoming "an interested one," I have thought of that, but I think I am going to hold off on that for a little bit, because I don't think I'm ready to touch on that subject yet. I'm still pretty clueless about the whole JW religion, and I don't want to make a stupid move and push him away all together....
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15
Can we still be friends even if we are not JWs???
by Justafriend inrecently i have noticed that a couple of my friends that are jws, especially this one guy that i play sports with.
in the beginning he was just there because of a friend, but later on he came more often and we became friends.
from the start, i knew there was something different about him.
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Justafriend
Recently I have noticed that a couple of my friends that are JWs, especially this one guy that I play sports with. In the beginning he was just there because of a friend, but later on he came more often and we became friends. From the start, I knew there was something different about him. He was quiet most of the time when there were a lot of people, and he always gave short and brief answers. But there was more to him than just that, for some reason, he's different from typical teenagers. For one thing, he's extremely polite and very considerate of the others. He used to give a ride to this friend every time they come to play sports, and he would mainly watch and pick up the balls or keep the score the first few times he came. Later on, he got better and he started playing competition with the rest of the group. Later on he became more outspoken when there were just my brother, his friend, him and I playing. Another thing that I noticed about him was that whenever we play on Tuesday and Thursday, he would have to leave early, and he comes late whenever we play on Saturdays. But other than that, I just thought he was unique, and sort of respected him.
Everything started when I locked myself out one day, and I went to this other friend's house to wait until my mother comes home. Out of nowhere he called me and told me that he and his other friend are outside of my house ready to play sports. I was surprised because I didn't expect anything like that from him at all. I was pretty happy though, and I was just talking to this friend whose house I stayed at for the afternoon, when she suddenly said that she knows this guy too. She seemed a little surprised (or shocked) that he plays sports with us. Then, she went off telling her mom that the guy and I are friends and we knew each other. I thought it was interesting how they reacted to such little thing. SHe kept on asking questions concerning him and what exactly he does with us for a few days. Not knowing anything about any of their being JW, I said whatever that was on my mind... and through this maybe she sensed that I sort of admired him. It wasn't until later did I find out that she was a JW, and that he goes to the same KH with her. As a matter of fact, his parents were the ones that strengthed her mom's faith and her faith in JW. Later on I learned from my girl JW friend that his dad is an elder. Is that the same as a pastor, or a missionary?
I didn't really think about the JW part because I find my other friend doesn't like to talk about it though she did give me a booklet from the Watchtower about teens and friendships. Everything went on as usual until one day his friend was going to go on a trip somewhere far off, and my brother and I treated them each a drink. Of all things, he picked the smallest cup and the cheapest drink in the store. I knew right away that he was just trying to be polite, so I ordered another "more-decent" drink for him. They were all very grateful, and thanking us sincerely. And about a week later, I woke up one day, and a voice was telling me to go to the mailbox. I thought God was trying to tell me the scholarship that I had been waitting for all this time was in the mailbox. But when I got there, there was no scholarship, but a card from this friend. It was for both my brother and me. In it, there was a really cute "thank you" card, a tract about the JW and two gift cards. I read everything carefully, even the tract (I read it three times and took notes). I actually looked up every Bible verse that was on the tract in my Bible. I didn't noticed anything too wrong with it excpet that some of the wordings were a little different from my NIV version until I got to the part about earthly paradise. Being a Christian all my life and having been told that I would go to heaven after I die, I couldn't, and wouldn't, settle for an earthly paradise just because I wasn't born in an earlier generation to be one of the first 140000. I thanked him for card and everything, but I wasn't ready to talk to him about the tract until he mentions it himself. He never brought that up and later on I could tell he wasn't as open as he had been before. He seemed a little reserved. I really wanted to tell him that I actually read the tract and I appreciated his courage in sharing his faith with us, but I was afraid that he might be interested to tell us more about it and if I were to reject the JW then, he would get offended, and everything would be awkward. When I was younger, my mom would give me Christian pamphlets for me to give to my friends. I used to give it to them with a card or a little gift too, and it always feels good when they tell me they actaully read it even if they don't come to church with me, at least they appreciated and it feels as if I have planted a seed in their hearts. So, I have been thinking lately, should I not mention to him at all? or should I tell him that I read it, appreciated his sharing his faith and that I, too, believe in an afterlife though a different one??
It was his birthday a couple weeks ago, I brought some treats from abroad and was going to give it to him, but I learned that they don't celebrate birthday, and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. So I shared it among the people that played sports with us, at least he got a piece of his "birthday gift." I remember I tried to give my other JW friend a Christmas gift last year and she just wouldn't take it no matter what. I felt kind of awkward. I know it's too much to ask for me to convert him after reading all the previous posts, but is being friends okay for them if we don't become JWs?? I think he tried to distance himself from us for a while, and sounded a little cold and aloof at first, but after a little while he's back to normal. Somehow I feel like he's like a switch, on and off... I have been praying for him, and I, too, have noticed that his younger brother comes every now and then just to "say hi," but whenever his brother's around, he becomes so quiet and cold all of a sudden. His other friend called his younger brother the security guard, that's when I connect the previous post with this and wondered, do they check on their family like that??
I really don't know who to ask for advise regarding this because I don't have friends that are exJW, and some of you can help me out... thanks!!