Can we still be friends even if we are not JWs???

by Justafriend 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Justafriend
    Justafriend

    Recently I have noticed that a couple of my friends that are JWs, especially this one guy that I play sports with. In the beginning he was just there because of a friend, but later on he came more often and we became friends. From the start, I knew there was something different about him. He was quiet most of the time when there were a lot of people, and he always gave short and brief answers. But there was more to him than just that, for some reason, he's different from typical teenagers. For one thing, he's extremely polite and very considerate of the others. He used to give a ride to this friend every time they come to play sports, and he would mainly watch and pick up the balls or keep the score the first few times he came. Later on, he got better and he started playing competition with the rest of the group. Later on he became more outspoken when there were just my brother, his friend, him and I playing. Another thing that I noticed about him was that whenever we play on Tuesday and Thursday, he would have to leave early, and he comes late whenever we play on Saturdays. But other than that, I just thought he was unique, and sort of respected him.

    Everything started when I locked myself out one day, and I went to this other friend's house to wait until my mother comes home. Out of nowhere he called me and told me that he and his other friend are outside of my house ready to play sports. I was surprised because I didn't expect anything like that from him at all. I was pretty happy though, and I was just talking to this friend whose house I stayed at for the afternoon, when she suddenly said that she knows this guy too. She seemed a little surprised (or shocked) that he plays sports with us. Then, she went off telling her mom that the guy and I are friends and we knew each other. I thought it was interesting how they reacted to such little thing. SHe kept on asking questions concerning him and what exactly he does with us for a few days. Not knowing anything about any of their being JW, I said whatever that was on my mind... and through this maybe she sensed that I sort of admired him. It wasn't until later did I find out that she was a JW, and that he goes to the same KH with her. As a matter of fact, his parents were the ones that strengthed her mom's faith and her faith in JW. Later on I learned from my girl JW friend that his dad is an elder. Is that the same as a pastor, or a missionary?

    I didn't really think about the JW part because I find my other friend doesn't like to talk about it though she did give me a booklet from the Watchtower about teens and friendships. Everything went on as usual until one day his friend was going to go on a trip somewhere far off, and my brother and I treated them each a drink. Of all things, he picked the smallest cup and the cheapest drink in the store. I knew right away that he was just trying to be polite, so I ordered another "more-decent" drink for him. They were all very grateful, and thanking us sincerely. And about a week later, I woke up one day, and a voice was telling me to go to the mailbox. I thought God was trying to tell me the scholarship that I had been waitting for all this time was in the mailbox. But when I got there, there was no scholarship, but a card from this friend. It was for both my brother and me. In it, there was a really cute "thank you" card, a tract about the JW and two gift cards. I read everything carefully, even the tract (I read it three times and took notes). I actually looked up every Bible verse that was on the tract in my Bible. I didn't noticed anything too wrong with it excpet that some of the wordings were a little different from my NIV version until I got to the part about earthly paradise. Being a Christian all my life and having been told that I would go to heaven after I die, I couldn't, and wouldn't, settle for an earthly paradise just because I wasn't born in an earlier generation to be one of the first 140000. I thanked him for card and everything, but I wasn't ready to talk to him about the tract until he mentions it himself. He never brought that up and later on I could tell he wasn't as open as he had been before. He seemed a little reserved. I really wanted to tell him that I actually read the tract and I appreciated his courage in sharing his faith with us, but I was afraid that he might be interested to tell us more about it and if I were to reject the JW then, he would get offended, and everything would be awkward. When I was younger, my mom would give me Christian pamphlets for me to give to my friends. I used to give it to them with a card or a little gift too, and it always feels good when they tell me they actaully read it even if they don't come to church with me, at least they appreciated and it feels as if I have planted a seed in their hearts. So, I have been thinking lately, should I not mention to him at all? or should I tell him that I read it, appreciated his sharing his faith and that I, too, believe in an afterlife though a different one??

    It was his birthday a couple weeks ago, I brought some treats from abroad and was going to give it to him, but I learned that they don't celebrate birthday, and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. So I shared it among the people that played sports with us, at least he got a piece of his "birthday gift." I remember I tried to give my other JW friend a Christmas gift last year and she just wouldn't take it no matter what. I felt kind of awkward. I know it's too much to ask for me to convert him after reading all the previous posts, but is being friends okay for them if we don't become JWs?? I think he tried to distance himself from us for a while, and sounded a little cold and aloof at first, but after a little while he's back to normal. Somehow I feel like he's like a switch, on and off... I have been praying for him, and I, too, have noticed that his younger brother comes every now and then just to "say hi," but whenever his brother's around, he becomes so quiet and cold all of a sudden. His other friend called his younger brother the security guard, that's when I connect the previous post with this and wondered, do they check on their family like that??

    I really don't know who to ask for advise regarding this because I don't have friends that are exJW, and some of you can help me out... thanks!!

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Your friend is playing outside the rules when he hangs with you. That's why he tightens up when other Witnesses are around. I say be friends with him and ignore the Witness side of things as much as possible. Also, follow his example and clam up if a Witness asks about him and the things he does when he is not in the Kingdom Hall.

    IT IS NOT POSSIBLE for a "worldly" person to be "just friends" with a Jehovah's Witness. But this young man sometimes steps out of his box and allows himself to be himself. Let him. It is freedom.

  • Highlander
    Highlander

    You've got a good thing here. You are in contact with his authentic personality. When other j-dubs are around then you are seeing his cult personality. It's quite the difference between the two, right?

    Since you are already aware of the two personalities, I would go along with both of them. As jgnat suggested, play along so that you don't get him into trouble with the j-dubs. If you can nurture his authentic personality and demonstrate to him that you and other worldly(non-jws) are good people, then maybe just maybe he can find the road to freedom.

  • tula
    tula

    the day may come when he might really need you for strength and support... if he ever begins to doubt the teachings or have questions. Having a friend like you could make all the difference in his life.

  • Sunspot
    Sunspot

    I agree with what the other posters have said here.....and I would sincerely like to add that IF you WERE to "get into" a converation about his religion with him, that you would NOT be talked into believing any of the peculiar teachings that are contrary to what you have already been taught.

    At their "meetings" (instead f worship services) JWs are trained on just HOW to convince others that what the Watchtower Society teaches is THE "only right way" and what ALL OTHERS TEACH is false and are of Satan. JWs have several methods and tactics on how to teach others about their beliefs, and you must be alert to this, since he has already sent you that tract hoping to plants seeds of doubt in what your religion teaches.

    By all means, keep up your friendship with him, let him experience "normal" for as long as he can, because the Watchtower Society is so against this type of friendship and ONLY encourages association with OTHER JWs. At least he is keeping his finger on the pulse of normalcy, and this is terrific!

    hugs,

    Annie

  • Madame Quixote
    Madame Quixote

    What a trip!

    Mum's the word when other JWs are around, but beware, you never can be sure about who's spying on you and your friend. Seriously, because it's a cult.

    But the "spies" are often dressed like Mormons, so usually you can tell. They also often have a judgmental glint in their eye, LOL, and are very serious-looking most of the time, especially at "worldly" events like ball games, although not all of them are so stiff.

    Good luck with all that. I feel sorry for your friend, but he is lucky to have someone like you who is so sensitive and observant about the situation. Maybe someday he will get out of the cult.

    Maybe you could help prevent him from getting baptized, which is essentially like marrying the religion, if he has not done it already. It's a very bad thing, especially for such a young person to do.

  • Madame Quixote
    Madame Quixote

    BTW, you can always pretend to be "an interested one" while actually working to break down your buddy's defenses, if you want to devote a LOT of time to it. Others here have successfully done just that.

  • worldtraveller
    worldtraveller

    As I am new to this forum, I have to tell you and everyone that is not aware, that I too have a JW "friend" and the people above me(on this string) are for the most part correct. Worldly people are here (on this earth) to be converted. I confronted my friend 3 weeks ago, and as usual, more denial.

    I believe that it's hypocritical to do what they (your friends) are doing. Either you are or are not a follower. I really wanted to believe my friend, but his true colours were exposed when I confronted him with all the info I learned from here and other "apostate"sites.

    The most important thing I learned is that according to what an apostate is, one has to lie about what being a JW is. I see none of that here, so my trust in these people (witnesses) have totally washed away. That is not to say that my friend isn't honest, just lost in the brainwashing nonsense that cults do.

    Believe me in that it's all about 1 thing only---MONEY.

    And one thing- I watched a program about dna this morning. Boy do all of us (religious and otherwise) have a surprise coming shortly.

    Please, all of you look up- haplogroup-- on the net. I will post a brief string shortly about dna scientists have discovered. Unlike The Watchtower Society says, dna does not lie.

  • changeling
    changeling

    First of all welcome. You sound like a sweet and sincere youg man.

    Your friend is suffering from cognitive dissonance. A part of him loves playing sports and hanging around with you and another part of him is saying that this freindship is wrong. That's why he runs "hot and cold".

    He justifies your friendship by thinkling he may convert you and then you can be "real" friends. When you don't respond to his efforts it makes him draw back.

    Any effort on your part to make him see he's in a cult will be met with hostility. You will lose him for sure.

    Just be his friend and buddy, and accept this friendship as the gift that it is. Nothing more, nothing less.

    changeling

  • Honesty
    Honesty
    Somehow I feel like he's like a switch, on and off...

    Do some research on Cognitive Dissonance and Cults and you might get an inside view of what is going on in your JW friend's head.

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