I feel a JC is coming for me soon. Aside from outing myself several times and no longer believing anything about this dangerous cult here’s really why … Girls and Sex
Here is just a snippet of some of my Missed Opportunities (Girl's Names Have Been Abbreivaited for Obvious Reasons):
9th Grade – CM, 10th Grade – GK, 11th Grade - GJ
All through out HS I have had oportunites to engage in "immoral conduct" I have had 4 "sure chances." Now I dont mean to sound overly proud or bragging to any of the female members here but I sincerly feel that, if I had shown ANY serious signs (like a non JW boy my age would have done) back towards them it would have definitely resulted in “something.” These women are truly and respectfully missed chances in my life.
Then in 12th grade right before I was about to graduate I had this girl that really wanted me ... grabbing on me in class when the teacher left the room ... yes like that.
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID F'ING ME – Being raised in the dubs I was 100% dubbed at the time trying to live up to "the model" the very best I could. So I did. I had no idea at them time that my other JW classmates were SO not. I now know some were laughing at me behind my back for trying to do what I sincerly thought was right. Like the f’ing JW moron I was at the time I decided to pass up on all of these girls ...
To make a potentially very long story short there is a new girl at my job who is, I believe, at least somewhat very interested in me. She goes out of here way to talk to me and is giving me, in PUA terms, serious IOI's. If the opportunity is there for something more I will step this time ... I hope I dont screw it up
No need to rehash old posts. Everyone here knows that BBOARD is (somewhat) mentally out of the JW. I know it to be a cult. I could care less if I lost all my privlages and was DA tomorrow
… However, as mentioned before, I do care about my good-standing a lot because my whole family is in.
Here’s where it gets very, very tricky.
I have started to hang around so-called “worldly people” on my job. It is right now one of the few places I can do so.
The MAIN THING I am worried about is the body language and signs that I may give off once I become more confident and relaxed (esp. around women). You see my whole family is from “the streets” of some ‘hood … except me. I was as you know raised with a tight grip. You know I think they went extra hard on me because of their background not in spite of it. This has also been a main reason I feel lacked a edge of confidence. I don’t have the swagger, body language or “look” that any of them do ... and they all know it.
My second Aunt Ms./Sister BM is, although somewhat a hard line JW, is VERY street shrewd and can read people well esp. since she was raised in the “mean streets” DC during the crack epidemic. She knows, or she must know, that I have been VERY shy around females (and just people in general) and that I am most likely (due to conversation and BL) a virgin still at 21. In many ways I still act very young. Heck I look young. Most people think I am around 14-17 ... and if you guys saw me in person you would probably too.
My Aunt Has verbally given me strict orders to never:
a) Hang with wordly people ... she encourages get-togethes with fellow JW's who are strong in the "truth"
b) Leave the "truth" and make Jehovah's heart sad
c) Have sex before marrige (she even brought up the AIDS snippet in the recent JW Watchtower)
Now here is where the problem lies … If I started to act too confident all too soon esp. around women (and how could I not) she would know something was up … and I have no doubt whatsoever that if she thought I was up to anything at all it would go straight to the Elders in 0 sec. flat ... know why? That’s right her hub is the PO of my Kingdom Hall ... who just happens to be my hard-ass UNCLE I would be busted for SURE.
What do you think?