Both my brothers were older. One 10yrs older and the other 6yrs older. My oldest brother molested me starting when I was 4. My other brother was diagnosed as a sociopath and was in and out of prison including 51/2 yrs for beating a young guy to death with a hammer. He was merciless in tormenting me and my mom always said, "what did you do to make him mad". My mom said my oldest brother wasn't "molesting" me, he was just "sexually experimenting". My other brother really was my mom's favorite. When he murdered that kid my mom said "well, that kid was a smart mouth". When this brother got out of prison he was found 3 days later in a vacant lot. He died of an overdose of cocain injection. Mother wouldn't believe it unless I went down to see him. It was really hard as the autopsy people had not even hosed him off. I never told my mom that he ODd I told her it was a heart attack. She lived for him and died 3 mos after him. My older brother lived in front of me for decades and we never discussed what happened. He dropped dead in October without a Will and so I'm going thru the legal system as my property is tied with his. My dad was my island of sanity. He died 15 yrs ago...natural causes. My mother nagged him out of everything he loved. The only thing she let him do was have a garden and it was magnificent. When he died she had me rototill the garden and plant grass. The day after he died I went to see if she was alright. Shewas cleaning house and had a headband on. She never wore a headband. It turned out that she had cut the waistband off my dad's underware after he died so as not to waste the waistband. My dad tried to get her out of the borg, even moving us to Baudette, Minnesota but she found them (very few) there. Other than suffering from "ophan envy" I tried to talk/reason with her but I might as well have hammered myself to death. It is hard to think of her as a "victim" since she was such a hard case. Any time I wanted to go somewhere or do something she would say "no, followed by some scripture". So she had "issues" but the WT really screwed every aspect of our lives. Everyone is dead now. I am the only one left and trying to extracate myself from all the shit. A "brother" has been visiting me and I told him I would never set foot in a KH again in my life. He still comes back but I just don't answer. I am very kind, empathetic, hysterically funny, loyal person but the past roots run so deep that I can't get out from it's shadow. I look at young women and think, " never underestimate your capability of fucking up your kids". I think I would have been a great mom but I didn't have kids. I didn't want to take that chance.
