Posts by jocettejane

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Hi everyone, thanx for the additional comments. I have read them and thought them through. Thank you to everyone that brought their personal experiences to the table to advise me on this topic.Things are going well. I feel that the weather has cleared up a bit at home and my guy and I are much happier around each other. We are still happily in love with one another and want to get married soon :) I haven't felt the need to cry over this since the first night I posted it. He's such a great guy that once he got a hold of what was happening he tried to fix it right away. He even left work early to do it. The main thing that we cleared up was our communication. We talk about everything. I'm also glad that this reminded him that our relationship between us is number one priority. He knows better than anyone else that we are together on everything and that this situation shouldn't be any different. I love him so much. We work so well together. He's told me that he's glad we came together on this and that he's at a much better place. I would not want to spend the rest of my life with anyone other than him.

It would be nice to have a point-of-view gun for situations like this so we don't have to keeping beating around the bush for eaons.

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Thanx you everyone again. My guy and I are communicating much better now. He's always been really good to me about everything we do together, which is probably why this problem has been so baffling to me. He and I are always in tune with each other and each others feelings, ei. when he's happy, then i'm happy, and vice versa. But when one of us is sad, the whole world turns gray, it's been gloomy for a while. I never could understand why he couldn't agree with me on things that had any affiliation with his experiences as an xjw. I thought that if it sucked so bad and it happened such a long time ago and he's worked so hard to get away from all that and forget, then it would motivate him to continue forward, not become emmersed angry and sad all over again. He really is a great guy. He really is the only guy for me.

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Thanx evryone for their advice and comments. I know the original was very one sided, but yes it was of MY feelings on the issue and i'm glad that from this thread my guy and I were able to discuss what to do about it. Things are much better today. I feel as if this great weight had been lifted off of the shoulders of our relationship.

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

sweet said: Do you have a psych degree and can analyze his actions and give him sessions and exercises to help him get over his issues? Even if you do, he's not asking for help. Have you ever tried to feed a chicken shit sandwich to someone who refuses to eat it? The end result is not a good one

-------do you think I should just try to ignore it cuz he's not asking for help? stop praying for him? go on with my life and activities while he continues to wallow? we're usually together on everything and I guess I feel left out of the reasons that he gives me about his past for all this pain that he and I feel now........I want to move on in the relationship...... that means with him

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Anyone else have anything to say? C'mon peoples, I really want to know if there is some way to help him.....

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Dave said: Perhaps it would help if you told us why you love this man? What is your relationship based on? I understand that love defies description, but can you personalize him and your relationship a bit?

------I don't know what to say first, I don't want to give away too many things about him because I know he frequents this site. He's the one who told me to come here in the first place. I did say "I've changed thngs about myself just to make him feel better, to make things easier for him, and I knoe he's don the same for me in many ways and I love him and thank him for those things. " We do a lot for each other, but "this", we haven't always seen eye to eye on. I'll just say that he's very special to me and that I want to stop the pain from his past from constantly keeping us from movng forward. There's many details and examples, but I don't want to lay them out here. Our relationship is based on being together about everything..... but "this" I haven't been able to help him out of yet. I've tried everything I know how to do to get his mind off of it or to help him see things a little more worldly and not just tell me that he doesn't understand because he was df'd. I want him to tell me he'll try to understand and make the efforts to do it. I didn't know if he could so that's why I'm asking for help.

Dave said: So to avoid just hearing "leave him, leave him" from everyone, it might be useful to know why you're NOT leaving him. This isn't a jedi mind trick to get you to see he's not worth keeping -- I assume he IS worth keeping. This stems from a conversation I had with a friend who's always complaining about her boyfriend. Today she happened to mention something nice he did for her. I told her it was good to hear something positive about him, so she went on to relate more and more. Turns out I only ever hear the bad stuff, so I had a very unbalanced view of her relationship. Now I "get" why she stays with him.

If you don't want to share, don't. No pressure. I'm just asking.

Dave

------Jocette said: "I want to progress in the relationship, not go backwards...........what do I do?"

Everyone's telling me leave him and making him feel really bad right now while he's reading this..... which is not the desired effect here since he respects you all

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Dave said: When you cry out for help with a relationship, it's because something is bad. You describe the bad thing, and that's pretty much all the listener knows about. Given what they know, they say, "Run! Get out of that relationship!" ------eek, that's what I've been reading, But I don't want to leave him for "this"..... I want to help him get over "this"..... I want to help his pain stop. Then hopefully my pain will stop too.... over "this", not through with, just over with.

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

brinjen: I thought maybe it's the "you couldn't possibly know what I've been through you've never..." type guilt trip. -------no, it's not a guilt trip thing. it feels like that sometimes but then I catch myself and remind myself that none of that applies to me. which then hurts more because it's affected me by that time already and goes against my beliefs of allowing another religion to do so.

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Thanx Dave for your extensive advices -Your boyfriend was raised a JW, but was never baptized. -----raise jw, but I'm not sure about the baptized thing, I think he was

-He "knows it's the true religion" but isn't living up to its standards, and it's killing him. -----he says he doesn't believe anymore

-He's getting pressure from his parents to "serve Jehovah properly". -----that's an always thing

-You're considering becoming a JW too, to help him become one, so you can both be happy. ------I want him to be happy

>> This goes against everything I've ever believed, but if my man is going to continue like this, I feel I need to help him remedy. Should change for him?

His suffering is coming from trying to live a life contrary to the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses, while still believing those teachings are correct. You would help him much more by helping him to see those errors, than by becoming a JW yourself. But you can't just show him a bunch of cold facts that refute their teachings -- it just doesn't work that way. If you're interested in helping him in this way, look around this forum for information on helping a JW husband or wife break free. You could start here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/77159/1.ashx

Dave -------Thanx Dave, how do I haelp him see the errors? and I went to that site, but I haven't found one that is comparable yet....

47

jwd confusion in relationship... help

by jocettejane in

i'm having a difficult time with my recently announced fiance.

he happens to be a jwd.

i am not, nore ever have been.

jocettejane

Ok... thanx everyone for the posts.

He was raised jw and got disfellowshipped when he was a teenager.

Now he's reeming me over the phone on his work break because he's saying that I said some bad stuff about him in the post when all I wanted was help for our relationship. For him.

Now he threatening to break up rather than help our relationship by me coming here to get help.

I love him and I don't wanna lose him.....but now he's putting this all on me.