Hey everybody :)
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Hopefully there is an Elder or former Elder on here that can give me some perspective. I have been DF'd for 5 years. Though I did not have any contact with my parents for the first few months my father did eventually call me to tell me that after thinking and praying about it he felt that he could not in good conscience completely cut off contact with me. This was due to our family history and the healing process that I was in the midst of going through. He felt that cutting me off would not be living up to his god given responsibility to care for his family.
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Our family has been through many terrible things and at the time I was really struggling to cope with the realities of my sexually abusive grandfather (also an Elder) and the affects his abuse had on my mother and how that and her mental status affected me as well as his direct abuse of me. Since then I have made tremendous progress through counseling and deprogramming myself from the organization. My parents and I have had sporadic contact over the last several years, though no real "relationship." It's mostly just an occasional conversation, almost exclusively with my mother, to catch up and make sure we're all ok. My father has stated he is willing to talk about anything I want to, e.g. childhood, personal issues, spiritual issues, etc. That has pretty much been where things have stopped.
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Granted we never had a solid relationship as it was growing up. Now, as an adult, I find myself truly wanting a healthy father/son relationship, which I feel that as long as we are on opposite sides of the JW fence cannot be achieved. That has been something I've been grappling with.
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All of this leads up to my current dilemma. Because of my traumatic childhood and exodus from the WTBS my therapist has told me to write a book, which she is personally and professionally backing, detailing all these things. For some portions of this book, there are some very specific questions I must ask my parents. On the one hand, I could sugar coat it and tell them that it simply is an exercise in my therapy (which is true), and leave out how serious both my therapist and I are about getting it published. On the other hand, I could be totally up front about it, which I fear would alienate me even further from him because he could view it as apostate material. Either way, if/when the book comes out it will be plainly clear what my stance is and I'm sure that at that time my relationship with him will not even be a technicality.
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So my question, to all the elders and fathers on here: Is there a way I can present my intentions and feelings to him, as his only child, in a way that he, as a 20 year Elder raised in "the truth" can recognize and appreciate as something separate from the organization. Or...do I really need to just bite the bullet and truly accept that reaching him in any way is lost because he is just too far into the organization and at this point is just a complete and 100% company man?
<BR><BR> I had always hoped that at some point in life his fatherly instinct would somehow speak louder than his religious instinct...but I fear that will never happen.
Posts by feenx
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feenx
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13
Computer advice needed please
by Mr Ben ini can't find an answer on the net, any computer buffs out there who can help?.
when i bring dvd films from the shop they are always from different zones, but i am only allowed 3 more changes to the zone setting and then it will be fixed permanently on the last zone setting.
i can't find a way to disable this or increase the number of times i can allow the zone setting to change.. thanks in advance,.
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feenx
DVD shrink is an awesome program, I use it all the time. I agree this is the way to go. You may also need DVDFab, which will rip your current DVD and remove the encryption, then you can compress it with DVD Shrink and take off all region preferences.
Check out videohelp.com -
13
Computer advice needed please
by Mr Ben ini can't find an answer on the net, any computer buffs out there who can help?.
when i bring dvd films from the shop they are always from different zones, but i am only allowed 3 more changes to the zone setting and then it will be fixed permanently on the last zone setting.
i can't find a way to disable this or increase the number of times i can allow the zone setting to change.. thanks in advance,.
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feenx
What OS are you using? Win, MAC, Linux?
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30
Denver CO Congregations?
by feenx inhellllllllllo all :)
so anyone from any denver congregations?
i was in the bear valley cong.
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feenx
Oh yeah, I think I remember them. The wife had long blonde hair, yes? and their first child (not sure if they've had any since) was a son, yes? They were nice. Yeah, definitely an elderly cong. :/
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Denver CO Congregations?
by feenx inhellllllllllo all :)
so anyone from any denver congregations?
i was in the bear valley cong.
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feenx
Hellllllllllo all :)
So anyone from any Denver congregations? I was in the Bear Valley cong. for most of my JW life. It's always interesting to see who's still and who's out. Growing up, when it was "the truth" (even though I never fully believed that) I would see people that I thought wouldn't make it in the organization. Most of those people are still in it. And everyone like me is out. -
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What's The Best Country or Area To Live In???
by minimus inif you could live anywhere-----what would your choice be?
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feenx
I want to travel and see so much of the world I think I'd live on a boat and just sail wherever I wanted to.
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Is Your Personality Quite Different In "Real" Life Than It Is Here?
by minimus inare you pretty much the same here as you are in real life??
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feenx
I am the same here as in person, however I also am a bit more diplomatic on here. My opinions are all the same, and I question just as many things in other areas of life than what is discussed on here. But there are definitely a lot more brash things that come out of my mouth versus what I type on a screen.
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4
National Geographic Speail: Free Masons
by feenx indid anyone catch the special on free masons last night?
i unfortunately dont get the national geographic channel (stupid dish network).
curious to see if it was any good, anything interesting or new info?
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feenx
No shit? I'll have to check that link. No, I'm not a mason. I am your average DF'd JW. It's just an online name I came up with, didn't know it had mason ties. I always liked the way Phoenix sounded, but didn't like the spelling.
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National Geographic Speail: Free Masons
by feenx indid anyone catch the special on free masons last night?
i unfortunately dont get the national geographic channel (stupid dish network).
curious to see if it was any good, anything interesting or new info?
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feenx
Did anyone catch the special on Free Masons last night? I unfortunately dont get the National Geographic channel (stupid Dish Network). Curious to see if it was any good, anything interesting or new info?
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10
Oops what have I done.....
by fifi40 ini have only gone an emailed a popular daytime uk tv programme that debates controversial topics asking them to consider doing a show about the jws, blood, their ever changing teachings and the cover ups.. now i am a whole lot nervous about it........aaaggghhh.
part of me hopes they just ignore me....... fi (who is just packing her bag to catch the next flight to somewhere remote).
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feenx
Don't be anxious about. Try and remember that you are NOT the one who's done anything wrong. All you're doing is asking someone to state facts. NOTHING wrong with that. And if you wish to remain annonymous about it all I'm sure they'll respect that. You contacted them for a reason, so there's obviously at least a part of you that wants it to happen. Ride the wave and it will all work out ;)