Hey there, I was reading an old post by Barbara Anderson, and she mentioned the "Christian Congregation of JWs," which as I understood her post, is sep. from the WTBS. So that made me wonder just how many corporate entities they have, what the purpose of each on is, and what information about those entities can be publicly accessed...
Anyone in the know?
Posts by feenx
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5The borgs legal/corporate entities
by feenx inhey there,
i was reading an old post by barbara anderson, and she mentioned the "christian congregation of jws," which as i understood her post, is sep. from the wtbs.
so that made me wonder just how many corporate entities they have, what the purpose of each on is, and what information about those entities can be publicly accessed...
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feenx
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16
My father is an arss!!
by feenx inyou know....i realize that my father isn't the most personable person, but good god we dont talk that often, and i just called to ask him a couple questions about my grandmother because i've started to do my family tree...he was just really cold.
and when he didn't ask why i was wanting this info i said, "the reason i'm asking is because i've started my family tree.
" his reply?
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feenx
Jesus CHRIST!!! (I dont think on this board that constitutes a swear word...even though it always does for me ;)
I try everyday to understand mental influences, and the bad side, which is brainwashing...but I can't help and think as an adult, that with a child, there is ANYTHING that could come out of a humans mouth that would motivate me to turn my back on MY child. I just dont get it. All anger and experiences aside, it just doesn't make sense.
How can a parent....choose between their own creation that they actively have had an integral part in since the beginning, something that in any circumstance came from a moment of pure expression...a definition of right and wrong as told by a loely man...and come away feeling right, just and even holy for choosing words....over love.
call me crazy...but to me that goes against everything a JW is supposed to believe in and support...
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16
My father is an arss!!
by feenx inyou know....i realize that my father isn't the most personable person, but good god we dont talk that often, and i just called to ask him a couple questions about my grandmother because i've started to do my family tree...he was just really cold.
and when he didn't ask why i was wanting this info i said, "the reason i'm asking is because i've started my family tree.
" his reply?
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feenx
You know....I realize that my father isn't the most personable person, but good God we dont talk that often, and I just called to ask him a couple questions about my grandmother because I've started to do my family tree...he was just really cold. And when he didn't ask why I was wanting this info I said, "The reason I'm asking is because I've started my family tree." His reply? "Ok."
Would it kill him to at least FEIGN a little excitement to talk to his only child, despite the fact that I'm DF'd? I know that tone of voice of his...it's the same tone he uses with telemarketers.
F*cker. -
22
Silentlamb needs to vent!
by feenx ini swear to god i feel like a friggin tard right now!!
i have so much crap piled on that i feel like i'm starting to crack, and honestly, as i'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, i start to get incredibly angry that not only do i have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, i still have times where i feel like it just breaks me.
where things feel hopeless.
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feenx
lesterid: how can i forgive him? i'm asking for what you mean by that, i dont want it to sound like i'm criticizing. how can you forgive someone who never even awknowledges what they've done wrong? LET ALONE actually ask for forgiveness? What's there to forgive? He fu*ked up? Big woop. i screw up all the time, but I'm man enough to say, "yeah, i screwed up. I'm sorry." There's a difference, in my mind, between understanding a lapse in judgement, and making a conscious decision to hurt a child who should be the epitimomy of a loved one. If he showed any remorse, well than this would be a different conversation.
I hope he is miserable. He should be. I hope he is haunted every night he tries to sleep in his bed, just like me. I think that's only just. There are those who would say he deserves to die. Part of me agrees. But really...death is too easy. I saw what my mom went thru when she tried to kill herself, several times. It's not worth it. period. I only wish there was an actual hell...So I would know that at SOME point, he'd get what he deserves. Destroying a family, destroying lives, literally robbing all of his family from their childhood...there is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sure he's a victim himself. But that doesnt' justify anything. Just like if I did the same thing, I wouldn't be asking for any forgiveness. And if I did...well then F*CK. I'd STILL be a better man, because at least I'd be making an effort, admitting what I did. Denial is the definition of a slippery slope.
I can't wait until he finally falls.
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22
Silentlamb needs to vent!
by feenx ini swear to god i feel like a friggin tard right now!!
i have so much crap piled on that i feel like i'm starting to crack, and honestly, as i'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, i start to get incredibly angry that not only do i have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, i still have times where i feel like it just breaks me.
where things feel hopeless.
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feenx
WOW!!! thanks to everyone so much for all your support! ironic isn't it...that in one day on a public forum full of DF'd JW's, faders, "apostates" etc. that I've gotten more support from more people on this one subject that an I EVER did in the borg? Granted my parents did what they could while I was still in, but that was about it.
Voideater: Have you confronted your mother about it? Yeah...the pieces to the puzzle. Never gets much easier, I think you just get used to it. I dont know why this hand washing thing is getting to me so much, I've had some pretty brutal memories surface...though is the first one that has anything to do with umm...clean up after the deed. And I know what you mean about wondering why family members didn't stop it. My parents say they never knew, however my mother (who also was abused by him) has multiple personalities. Sometimes it's hard for me to swallow that pill, that out of her 35 some odd alters, not one knew what was going on? I dunno...that's a whole other subject right there...
NoMoreGuilt: From what my various shrinks have told me over the years is that each person is different. Some have recovered memories, whether they want to or not, completely on their own. Others have them come up through therapy. My current therapist said that in the old days the doctors used to think that in order to heal one must remember, and essentially re-live, all occurrences, all their memories. However now they feel that does more harm than good, because it can re-traumatize the patient. So you never know, maybe with the proper treatment you wouldn't have to remember EVERYTHING in order to heal the way you want and need to.
doglsgod: I actually did confront my grandfather, several years ago, while he still lived on state. I met him and my grandmother at a restaurant, I was by myself, told him I wanted an apology, he said for what, you can imagine how the convo went from there. deny, deny, deny. Part of me wishes I had actually waited to confront him, as at the time I only had one firm memory and now I have many more. But there's also the possibility that I would've thrown him onto the highway or something. I threatened him if he ever came near me again and stormed out. -
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Silentlamb needs to vent!
by feenx ini swear to god i feel like a friggin tard right now!!
i have so much crap piled on that i feel like i'm starting to crack, and honestly, as i'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, i start to get incredibly angry that not only do i have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, i still have times where i feel like it just breaks me.
where things feel hopeless.
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feenx
that would be great...i guess first i'd need to find out if there'd be interest, and if so take steps to organize it. so yeah...if anyone in CO is interested let me know.
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22
Silentlamb needs to vent!
by feenx ini swear to god i feel like a friggin tard right now!!
i have so much crap piled on that i feel like i'm starting to crack, and honestly, as i'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, i start to get incredibly angry that not only do i have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, i still have times where i feel like it just breaks me.
where things feel hopeless.
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feenx
ex-nj-jw: thanks! i didn't even think of that, looking into university hospitals...
mom: one hour at a time....I really like that. just like in What About Bob: "Babysteps."
my support in general is really good. there's not one of my friends who close up when/if i need to talk about this stuff. i do feel though that i could really use discussion with fellow survivors. I used to go to a support group, which at first was good, but after a while it became very blanket, not as personal as i feel i need.
and i think many people have a hard time really understanding how the religion itself contributed to the problem.
too bad there's not local JW specific survivor support groups. i bet that would help a lot of people -
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Silentlamb needs to vent!
by feenx ini swear to god i feel like a friggin tard right now!!
i have so much crap piled on that i feel like i'm starting to crack, and honestly, as i'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, i start to get incredibly angry that not only do i have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, i still have times where i feel like it just breaks me.
where things feel hopeless.
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feenx
Thank you all for your support!!
Right now I am really frustrated because I know there's a memory about ready to pop out and come back to me...it started the other night. I have a bit of an obsession with washing my hands. Which all things considered is not the worst OCD trait to have, but sometimes it does get excessive. Well the other night I was washing my hands, and it finally dawned on me why it's always been an issue for it. I had somewhat of a flash back to being a kid, at my grandparents, and repeatedly washing my hands, over and over, to get the semen off my hands.
Because I was at a small party and drunk that's about all I was able to recover. I can feel that there's more there, but it's not something I can force out, and forcing something usually isn't the best way to handle that stuff anyways.
I've really jacked up dreams for the past several nights. I can't sleep. when i am able to fall asleep I awake in a panic. I'm incredibly ancy, and I can't focus for crap.
That on top of everything else that's been going with me lately (in a legal battle with Jiffy Lube over my engine blowing, so no car for like 6 weeks, GF issues, etc.) I just really REALLY overloaded. And the fact that even though I have really great friends, who I can talk to about all this stuff, I still feel really alone. And I'm incredibly angry with my parents. I dont feel like they give me the support they should. I feel like there's too many "complications" like me being DF'd. I'm only child, so i dont have siblings I can talk to, and I'm just really angry that the people accountable walk on water as far as the borg is concerned.
I have a therapist, who I see as much as possible. My insurance doesn't cover it, so it's all out of pocket. I haven't been able to afford a session for a good 5-6 weeks.
I really just feel like flying to the state where my grandfather is, kidnapping him, chaining him in a basement and breaking him, for as long as it takes, until he truly is as crazy as I feel right now. -
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Silentlamb needs to vent!
by feenx ini swear to god i feel like a friggin tard right now!!
i have so much crap piled on that i feel like i'm starting to crack, and honestly, as i'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, i start to get incredibly angry that not only do i have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, i still have times where i feel like it just breaks me.
where things feel hopeless.
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feenx
I swear to god I feel like a friggin tard right now!! I have so much crap piled on that I feel like I'm starting to crack, and honestly, as I'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, I start to get INCREDIBLY angry that not only do I have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, I STILL have times where I feel like it just breaks me. Where things feel hopeless. Where I ask myself what is the point anymore, I'll never be more than a "survivor."
ARGH!!! -
4
DF'd with a never baptized roomie...who is up?
by feenx inhappy travels all.... myself and my roommate are wondering...who's up tonight on jwd, and what is the ultimate topic of the evening?.
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feenx
happy travels all...
myself and my roommate are wondering...who's up tonight on JWD, and what is the ultimate topic of the evening?