Silentlamb needs to vent!

feenx

I swear to god I feel like a friggin tard right now!! I have so much crap piled on that I feel like I'm starting to crack, and honestly, as I'm sure many other silentlambs can relate to, I start to get INCREDIBLY angry that not only do I have to deal with this sh*t at all, but also that despite my best efforts, conscious efforts, to overcome things, to heal and to move on with a healthy life, I STILL have times where I feel like it just breaks me. Where things feel hopeless. Where I ask myself what is the point anymore, I'll never be more than a "survivor."

ARGH!!!

cognac

Wow, I'm really sorry...

We are here as to listen to as much as you want to talk about it...

sacolton

Vent away ... we're here for you. What's on your mind?

BFD

All you can do is let the feeling pass. It will. Get angry if you want to. Cry! Scream! Punch something! Rant all you want here.

I am sorry that you have to deal with any of this. You cannot change the past. Do you go to therapy or are you trying to deal with this by yourself?

BFD

JK666

feenx,

Vent away! We are here to listen and support you.

One mantra that I have found to help me vent is to scream the following repeatedly until I get it all out:

F**k the f***ing f**kers!

etc.

JK

AWAKE&WATCHING

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((feenx)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

feenx

Thank you all for your support!!

Right now I am really frustrated because I know there's a memory about ready to pop out and come back to me...it started the other night. I have a bit of an obsession with washing my hands. Which all things considered is not the worst OCD trait to have, but sometimes it does get excessive. Well the other night I was washing my hands, and it finally dawned on me why it's always been an issue for it. I had somewhat of a flash back to being a kid, at my grandparents, and repeatedly washing my hands, over and over, to get the semen off my hands.

Because I was at a small party and drunk that's about all I was able to recover. I can feel that there's more there, but it's not something I can force out, and forcing something usually isn't the best way to handle that stuff anyways.

I've really jacked up dreams for the past several nights. I can't sleep. when i am able to fall asleep I awake in a panic. I'm incredibly ancy, and I can't focus for crap.

That on top of everything else that's been going with me lately (in a legal battle with Jiffy Lube over my engine blowing, so no car for like 6 weeks, GF issues, etc.) I just really REALLY overloaded. And the fact that even though I have really great friends, who I can talk to about all this stuff, I still feel really alone. And I'm incredibly angry with my parents. I dont feel like they give me the support they should. I feel like there's too many "complications" like me being DF'd. I'm only child, so i dont have siblings I can talk to, and I'm just really angry that the people accountable walk on water as far as the borg is concerned.

I have a therapist, who I see as much as possible. My insurance doesn't cover it, so it's all out of pocket. I haven't been able to afford a session for a good 5-6 weeks.

I really just feel like flying to the state where my grandfather is, kidnapping him, chaining him in a basement and breaking him, for as long as it takes, until he truly is as crazy as I feel right now.

ex-nj-jw

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((feenx))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

How about a support group that has a counselor or even a member that can relate to what you've been through? I'm just throwing that out there I really have no idea where to start but I do understand not being able to afford the professional therapist/counselor. I'm going to ask around, I don't think you are in my area but I work for a University Hospital. I'll ask what the policy is for those who can't afford or insurance doesn't cover services. Maybe they have some ideas that you could check into in your area.

I'll PM you with any information I find out.

nj

momzcrazy

Memories resurfacing is pure hell. I feel for you. Do you have a good support system?

I fight constantly to keep them down, but sometimes I fail. Take it one hour at a time if you need. And vent here any time.

momz

feenx

ex-nj-jw: thanks! i didn't even think of that, looking into university hospitals...

mom: one hour at a time....I really like that. just like in What About Bob: "Babysteps."

my support in general is really good. there's not one of my friends who close up when/if i need to talk about this stuff. i do feel though that i could really use discussion with fellow survivors. I used to go to a support group, which at first was good, but after a while it became very blanket, not as personal as i feel i need.

and i think many people have a hard time really understanding how the religion itself contributed to the problem.

too bad there's not local JW specific survivor support groups. i bet that would help a lot of people

Silentlamb needs to vent!

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