hmmmm....sounds like someone is a little desperate for countable time. I wonder if they're counting all the hours they'll no doubt spend staring at this post hoping for that one person to say, "You know, you're right. I'm going back!" Why must a dub always have to include others in their little "spiritual" work outs. Isn't that what good assocation is for?? Not a forum where people actually voice their true thoughts about things not programmed responses.
Posts by feenx
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4
Do you ever feel like its a dream come true?
by CandleSurgeon inthis is going to be a long post, but if you dont have time or simply dont want to read the whole thing the first paragraph is really all that is necessary to understand the gist of this thread:.
sometimes i think the way my life turned out is to good to be true.
i have been out of the wtbs for over 3 years now, and if you had asked me 4 years ago if i would ever leaved i would have told you firmly i will never leave jehovahs organization!
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feenx
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I still find myself at times starting to think about something from a JW point of view and I have to correct myself. And sometimes I do have to remind myself that fornicating *GASP* is NOT wrong. Along with many other things that we were forced to supress all for the sake of a farse. My family unfortunately was very abusive which added an un-needed layer to my relationship with my parents. I am an only child and they are my only non-abusive family (though they have their issues as well, never abuse). They have told me countless times over the years that my view of the organization is skewed as a result of my grandfathers abuse and his ability to get away it, and that if I simply realized and accepted that that my view would change and I would see the organization for the imperfect yet beautiful thing that it is. *GAG*
While my grandfather certainly didn't help matters with his chronic and violent pedophilia, he is not the reason why I am not a part of the WTBS. Just as they would all feel personally and morally wrong for ever leaving, I would feel disgusted with myself and intensely wrong to be a part of that dispicable institution of lies and control. I also can't tell you how lovely it feels to have your own parents essentially trivialize your issues with religion and abuse, two large, complex and SEPERATE topics, into one simple answer that apparently I'm just too stubborn to see.
Now, 7 years later (I celebrate the anniversary of my DF-ing every year), an only child with parents who have cut me off from contact, I have a chosen family of friends, a live-in girlfriend with whom I talk about marriage and children and most of all a sense of self, intelligence and an interest in life and the world I never could've fathomed inside the organization.
Sometimes I think that if earnest JW's could simply put their judgements aside for just a few minutes and truly listen to the stories of how much better people feel, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually after leaving the organization that somehow their hearts would be touched. But then I snap out of it and realize in order to do that they would need to think and feel for themselves, instead of being sheep in a massive herd unknowingly controlled by wolves.
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33
If You "Date" Someone Do You Still Look For Other Possiblities?
by minimus ini have a couple of female friends who steadily date their "boyfriends".
i was invited to a party by one of these women.
it was sunday night, labor day weekend and i had nothing to do.
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feenx
These types of situations are pretty common place in my experience. "Dating" doesn't necessarily mean exclusive, and being exclusive doesn't mean that both parties won't have additional arrangements. It's pretty crazy what some people are ok with. I personally am not this way. I am definitely a one woman type of guy, but not everyone is like that. It still comes down to mutual respect and a complete and honest understanding of both parties intentions. It's when those intentions are mis-understood that things can turn into quite the chaotic situation.
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6
What is your thought in this
by superman inmy wife and i (who are both faders) were having a discussion the other day about how most of the jw kids who were teens in the 90's have now left the religion.
i mentioned from personal examples of people i knew, that the one ones who left early (around age 17-19) seemed to end up (though difficult at first) with better lives.
i knew of several who went to college, or learned a trade, married out of the religion and eventually moved on with their lives.
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feenx
I would have to agree that it's important to leave, and leave completely, in that age range of 17-19. There were plenty of people I knew who were older and would get into trouble, but try and make things work. They essentially had one foot and one foot out, and that in my opinion is the WORST thing you can do. All the people I know that left and left for good are doing well. One is out of the closet and happy, another is successful career wise and engaged, another is following their dream of music. We all left by the time we were 21, and that's as far as being completely out. We all were fading for years before that.
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23
JW Opinions on Obama
by feenx ini haven't been on here much, including during the recent election.
i am curious if anyone knows what the opinions, official as well as non-official or "gossip" *gasp*, on the election and obama.
i remember as a kid my mother would always complain so much around election time, just like xmas, because she hated it so much.
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feenx
Well yes, I realize that officially everyone is nuetral. But we all know that's not always the actual case with the average herd in the congregation. In addition to people forming theories about the latest president fits into the endtimes, etc.
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Please nominate your favourite film and say why you rate it so highly.
by lifelong humanist ini've just watched all 3 parts of francis ford coppola's epic godfather once again.
it is a superb achievement on many levels.
each viewing reveals something new and fresh.. i recall, as a good jw at the time, not seeing it when released as it was not certified as 'suitable' given the content for jws.
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feenx
I definitely have a few that are always at the top of my list, but I have to say that my favorite right now is The Departed. Scorsese is an incredible artist and that really shined through for me in this film. Especially if anyone read the script and see how he presented this film based off what was actually on the page. And Di Caprio truly broke his cherry. I've never looked at him the same since.
Also high on my list of favs is Running With Scissors, American Beauty and Braveheart.
And how can anyone not crack up at any Apatow movie?
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23
JW Opinions on Obama
by feenx ini haven't been on here much, including during the recent election.
i am curious if anyone knows what the opinions, official as well as non-official or "gossip" *gasp*, on the election and obama.
i remember as a kid my mother would always complain so much around election time, just like xmas, because she hated it so much.
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feenx
Hello everyone,
I haven't been on here much, including during the recent election. I am curious if anyone knows what the opinions, official as well as non-official or "gossip" *gasp*, on the election and Obama. I remember as a kid my mother would always complain so much around election time, just like xmas, because she hated it so much. And I know once George W. was in office they saw it as such a clear sign of "the end." So am interested to know how the borg is taking Obama and people's new outlook.
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32
Give Your Advice To Anyone Planning To Fade
by minimus inlist some thoughts and suggestions for anyone thinking about fading from the organization..
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feenx
Wow....everyone has had some great thoughts.
My two biggest things that I think would've helped me more is to first make sure that you are beginning to establish a social life outside of JW's. Whether it's someone from work or school, or I've actually had great success in meeting new friends off Craigslist. I know some people have hangups with meeting new people off the net, but I wanted to expand my social circle and I met someone off there who recently moved from out of state and we both just wanted someone to catch a movie with or grab a beer. That was three years ago and I now consider this person family. So keep that in mind. But however one does it, it's vital to have social ties non related to anything with JW's.
Second, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Going in, if you realize you're going to have doubts about doing the wrong thing, knowing that you're gonna be scared in moments and in some case feel guilty, than it's a lot easier to deal with. It's like say eating spicy food. You know going in it might make you a little flush, some people can get heart burn, etc. etc. But you know that before you even put it in your mouth. Knowing you will have those thoughts make it a lot easier to not freak out and just simply say to yourself "This is natural, this is expected, this will pass, just take a deep breath." It really does make all the difference.
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I need help in facing our abuser...
by cognac inthe thought of it scares me so much i can't even think straight... just writing this makes my heart race like you wouldn't believe.. i need to face my dad and mom.
my dad abused us, my mom allowed the abuse.
i need to face him with my two older brothers - the ones who got it the worst and who never faced them about it.... i know my mind will go blank so i'm simply going to write out what i have to say and read it to them.
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feenx
I have actually been through similar situations with my parents and my grandparents, and it was in reference to a lot of abuse. First off, I highly agree with not expecting anything from them whatsoever. It is my hope that they will not point fingers at you, but be aware that that is a realistic possibility. I think the key thing to keep in mind is that while you are saying what you need to, to your parents, that this is actually about YOU and NOT them. They essentially have nothing to do with this equation other than being there to hear what you have to say. In that same vein I have heard countless times in therapy and group therapy that whenever confronting anyone, or even simply communicating with someone it is vital to use "I" statements. E.g. I feel such and such. This event occurred and as a result I feel this or that. Try to stay away from any "You" statements such as you make me feel this, etc...
I think writing down what you need to say is a very good idea. Not only will it help you to not forget anything, but it also gives you a chance to hone in on how you want to say things, PLUS writing it down period will prove very theraputic and with that kind of preparation the actual conversation will indeed feel much more like closure. Remember, this is about you. So say everything you need to so that when finished you can truly be done and begin the healing process. YOU can be done. They probably won't be, and that's fine and to be expected.
Were they in a place to be receptive or truly and earnestly consider you and your feelings about the matter than most likely the abuse would not have occured in the first place, or they would've themselves addressed the issues in the past.
I truly do not mean to come across as a negative nelly, because in all reality this is SO incredibly healthy and you are to be comended and feel very, very proud of yourself for choosing to take this step. It shows courage, strength and an earnest desire to be healthy and happy. There are so many people who deny and/or ignore issues like this. So give yourself lots and lots of pats on the back. I know it sounds kinda funny, but it really does work, tell yourself how much you love yourself. Even a simple Cognac, I love you. It is very helpful.
You also mentioned your brothers. If confronting your parents all together I would also recommend doing a couple rehearsals or run throughs if you will. There will be a lot of strong emotions in that room and you three need to be a united front. If one deviates from the intent of the conversation it could make things more difficult on the other siblings. Again remember, this is about you three, not your parents.
Now as far as the religion aspect goes, what is said about that and how much is obviously all your choice and discretion. I would advise to tread lightly in that area because while yes it is very much related and intertwined (my situation was the same, so I understand how much of a muddled ball sh*t it feels like) you are addressing them about abuse, which JW or not, would still have been an issue. The organization did not make them or motivate them to do this, instead it enabled them to go unpunished and remain unaccountable to the rest of the world for it. It's a fine line, but it is still a line.
We ALL know how defensive "faithful" JW's get. They will already be on guard as people and as parents and tipping the hat too far in the direction of religion could prove to be the straw that breaks the camels back. Also, and this has happened to me, remarks and issues stated about the religion can be used as a tool to discredit your issues with abuse, and just as it is very much intertwined for you, it can be used as a related issue against you, and very easily transformed into a huge finger to point back at you. E.g. If you were more faithful and had a better relationship with Jehovah you would better understand how your father could be re-appointed and any and all past sins forgiven in the spirit of heartfelt repentance, etc. etc. I can really see that backfiring. So, all I'm saying (and I apologize because I know I'm rambling) is to step lightly and really think about how much you want to go into that. Which again, the writing things down prior to and re-hearsing with your siblings will really help.
And if your siblings aren't on the same page but you feel solid about your approach or what you want to say, than know and trust that you yourself have the strength to do this on your own. You DO. Even if you don't believe it right this moment, you keep drilling that into your head, and when the moment comes you will be amazed at the amount of strength you have buried inside.
I know it feels like a huge mountain right now, and it is in a way. But the thing to keep in mind is you are not a little kid trying to climb Mt. Everest. You a grown adult with absolutely the best of intentions who has already climbed mountains, bigger than this one, you just didn't realize until you were done. So this is nothing you can't do, and nothing harder than things you've done already. So, without sounding too crude, go kick that mountain in the balls.
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What's the latest and not so greatest?
by feenx inhappy almost labor day weekend everyone!
i know it's only thursday afternoon, but my office is shutting down at noon tomorrow so i feel like i'm in the home stretch :).
anyways i had an earlier post on here for a specific reason, but i've been browsing posts and remarks and now i'm completely curious what the latest ridiculousness is with ye 'ol organization?
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feenx
Happy almost labor day weekend everyone! I know it's only Thursday afternoon, but my office is shutting down at noon tomorrow so I feel like I'm in the home stretch :)
ANYWAYS I had an earlier post on here for a specific reason, but I've been browsing posts and remarks and now I'm completely curious what the latest ridiculousness is with ye 'ol Organization? New light? Re-instatement of old light? I'm curious what the lastest DF'd numbers are, AND what the Re-instatement numbers are.
Anyone out there still inside? What's the morale like? I can just imagine what some of the talk, opinions and attitudes have been like with recent national and world events.
I eagerly await the stories of holier than thou debauchery :) mua-haha ;)