I definitely can say that I haven't arranged to have someone murdered to cover up my mistakes. I have the mind that I don't know if the mistakes are because I'm wicked or because I'm weak. Maybe not horrible but not up to par.
helricha
JoinedPosts by helricha
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
Penny,
Thanks I really needed what you said because I feel like I'm breaking out of my skin. I feel like if I don't do something about it right now that I'm going to explode. I just needed someone to tell me to chill.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
Vinny - wow. I read your ENTIRE letter. Obviously it took a while. That was crazy long. You have some very interesting things that I am going to look into myself.
cognizant dissident - I guess I didn't think of this as an apostate site. I just thought of it as people who have been in or known of situations that I'm going through and have been in. It's not like I can ask somebody at the hall. As far as the other stuff, I did cheat on him while we were together. (I know I'm a horrible person) The main reason that I married him was because I wanted to get reinstated eventually. (I know that makes me a horrible person too) I was on the fence about whether or not I should marry him. So I finally decided to because we had been together for so long and I knew that I wouldn't feel good if I was without him. (I've known him for 12 years and have been in love with him for that long. I wasn't raised in the truth).
You're probably right, I don't know what I want. I was having this problem that I didn't know if I wanted to be with him so I did go see a counselor. I don't know if she was considered "good" or not but she was NO HELP at all. She basically just told me all the things I already knew. It was seriously a waste of my time.
My whole thing is not about what I say to the elders but about my relationship with Jehovah. If my conscience will allow me to NOT tell them something and to still maintain a good relationship with Jehovah then that's what I DO WANT. If it won't and I have to tell them then that's what I have to do. I just want enough opinions from people who aren't "wordly" in the sense that they have no freakin idea what I'm talking about. And like I said, it's not like i can ask anyone at the hall.
Thanks for all the responses.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
Oh and I have no idea why my husband doesn't like it that I go to the hall. Maybe his mom said negative things about it. Other than that, there is nothing about the hall that affects him. I always have dinner ready for him even if I'm not there. So I'm unsure.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
Ok so I do love my husband but I just made a mistake the one time and don't have any intention of doing it again. So when I tried to tell him about it 2 days ago I told him all of that and that I would do anything to make it work and he was just like "It's over and you have to leave now".
I do want it to work and I will do what it takes but then I think that it may be easier to let it go, even though it will be difficult. So what do I really want? I don't know. In the big scheme of things, I want to have a good relationship with Jehovah. I've been trying to do that for 8 years without success. I don't see the point of trying to have a relationship with a man who is going to be unforgiving if I can't even have a relationship with Jehovah, who is all forgiving. Also, I hate change so moving out will be hard.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
I don't want to end the marriage with my husband if I can avoid it. However, it's been made very clear to me that if any adultery was ever committed on my part that the marriage would be over and I believe him. So, as far as maintaining that relationship - it's pointless, even with a marriage counselor. Even though I do appreciate the advice of the counselor, my husband is unreasonable. My husband told his brother that he's not happy about me going to the hall but at least I am faithful to him. The one thing that he thought he could rely on me for is the one thing that I couldn't provide for him.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
I agree that there is no statement in the Bible about confessing the sin to your husband, esp. if he is a nonbeliever. I actually tried to tell him about cheating on him 2 days ago. He was so angry, which was scary but understandable, and told me that I had to leave. I, against my better judgment, decided to tell him that I was lying and only said it to see if he would admit to cheating on me.
So, if I do tell him again, I am going to already have an apartment set and move out and then I'll tell him because I don't want to deal with him throwing me out and then trashing my stuff.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
Well I do appreciate any feedback from former elders who do have an answer. As far as what I've done, I'm not asking for an opinion of anyone, including any name calling. If anyone else would like to say something without the name calling, that would be ok.
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
sorry, i'll delete it
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63
any former elders have an answer for me?
by helricha inso i was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was.
i did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time.
well i couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though i did move out, so i married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that i slept with someone else.
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helricha
So I was df'd for living with/having sex with my boyfriend for 3 years and then not ending the relationship and moving out within the week between the first meeting of confession and the second meeting where they tell me what their decision was. I did move out 3 months later with the intent of being reinstated over a period of time. Well I couldn't cut off the relationship with my bf even though I did move out, so I married him after a year and then 2 weeks after that I slept with someone else.
But I want to get reinstated and I need to know if I need to confess that I committed adultery to the elders when I do request reinstatement. Will they expect me to tell my husband? From what I've researched, I see that I am required to confess this to my husband if I'm a member of the congregation but it doesn't say that I have to if I'm disfellowshipped. Also, the info says that the elders will not accept that I am repentent if I don't confess to my husband. Disfellowshipping completely severes the tie with the congregation, so my action of adultery doesn't affect the congregation negatively.
So my question is not for the sake of just getting reinstated because I know how to do that - I've been through the process before. I need to know that if I want to salvage a relationship with Jehovah, is that what is expected?