Posts by ruined

24

why is it better to "fade"?

by ruined in

i've been reading various posts and i notice that fading is often advised by others who have done so or wish they had done so.

why is this better than being df'd?

i'm assuming it's because your family will not shun you if you are merely da'd ?

ruined

oh... so fading is not the same as being da'd? what exactly is the difference?

thx.

24

why is it better to "fade"?

by ruined in

i've been reading various posts and i notice that fading is often advised by others who have done so or wish they had done so.

why is this better than being df'd?

i'm assuming it's because your family will not shun you if you are merely da'd ?

i've been reading various posts and i notice that fading is often advised by others who have done so or wish they had done so. why is this better than being df'd? i'm assuming it's because your family will not shun you if you are merely da'd ?

25

is there a "disfellowshipped list"?

by ruined in

i stopped going to kh when i was in my early 20's.

i'm now in my mid 40's.

i've done many of the things for which a person should be df'd over the many years since but i don't know whether i am df'd.

ruined

wow... i hadn't checked in for a couple (or few) days and was pleasantly surprised by all the replies i got! thank you so much everyone.

the side of my family that DOES speak to/associate with me told me the same thing... that someone would've had to contact me to let me know at the time i was df'd, if indeed i had been df'd.

i've been thinking too much like a pp said and i think that the one person on the other side of my family that does not associate with me AT ALL might "blame" me for her previous (like 20 years ago) very promiscuous behavior. i was totally da'd but in a very stable relationship at the time (my 2nd boyfriend EVER) while she was still attending meetings and by all appearances was a good little JW but was living a double life to the extreme. she was partying a lot and sleeping with lots of men. she even terminated a pregnancy from some guy who ended up in prison. maybe because i was older than her, she thought i should've "stopped her" or advised her not to do those things. at the very least i think i remind her of her bad years.

after a couple of years of that behavior she suddenly met a JW guy, married him, went to bethel and CUT ME OFF COMPLETELY.

we grew up together and were very close up until her "re-association" so i guess that's why it bothers me that i don't have a relationship with her.

thanks all... ruined.

25

is there a "disfellowshipped list"?

by ruined in

i stopped going to kh when i was in my early 20's.

i'm now in my mid 40's.

i've done many of the things for which a person should be df'd over the many years since but i don't know whether i am df'd.

ruined

i guess if i'm not DF'd, i'd like for those family members who DON'T currently speak to me to know that i'm not DF'd because i'm thinking that they think i am DF'd. and perhaps i am but i'd like to know for sure.

so do you think there is a list or some way i could find out without drawing attention to it?

thanks.

25

is there a "disfellowshipped list"?

by ruined in

i stopped going to kh when i was in my early 20's.

i'm now in my mid 40's.

i've done many of the things for which a person should be df'd over the many years since but i don't know whether i am df'd.

ruined

i stopped going to KH when i was in my early 20's. i'm now in my mid 40's. i've done many of the things for which a person should be DF'd over the many years since but i don't know whether i am DF'd. is there some way to find out without drawing attention to it? some members of my family still speak to me and associate with me but others don't. the ones who don't haven't said that they don't associate with me due to me being DF'd but maybe they know something that i and my other family members don't know???

the reason i don't want to draw attention to it is because if i'm NOT currently DF'd i would like to remain that way because i know that if i am formally DF'd, i would lose the relationship with those family members who still do speak to me.

thanks...