i've been reading various posts and i notice that fading is often advised by others who have done so or wish they had done so. why is this better than being df'd? i'm assuming it's because your family will not shun you if you are merely da'd ?
why is it better to "fade"?
by ruined 24 Replies latest jw experiences
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zeroday
If you have alot of family on the inside and do not want to be shunned "FADE" is the best way to go...YOU are tired, sick, discouraged but are always thinking of Jehovah and there is always hope in their eyes but you avoid the "shunning"...Sure you believe the FDS is Gods only channel of communication but just can't get out of your FUNK so just play along and do the FADE and you should be just fine...
And if you do DA yourself you will be SHUNNED as if you were DF'ed...
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primitivegenius
big issue there....... if you fade you have the chance that you can still carry on a relationship with friends and family that probably would shunn you if you DA'ed or DF'ed. problem is you gotta listen to a hell of alot of JW bulls*** and pretend to like it............ cause if you tell them off your fade is busted.
takes ages to fade..... helps if you move congs a couple times and leave your card in a cong that no one knows you in............ and then if you go and stay out of state that also helps......... problem is not everyone is flexible enough to be able to do this.
DF'ing or DA'ing is a quick end to the JW bulls(** but you never know who will shun you.
as long as i wasnt going to meetings my family was ok with me being inactive........ they would constantly hammer me over the head with their JW bulls((( but the minute they asked the question and i gave them the answer that YES i was going to a church and had been for a couple of years........... then the shunning begain.
right now....... i do not allow the JWs to have any control of my life, but im thinking of stirring up the pot so to speak and sending a DA letter just to make my dad have to answer some questions he dosent want to. he is PO but he moved to a neighboring congregation to help out...... so since he isnt in the cong that i was attending last.......... 4 years ago.............. he probably justifies not saying anything....... not his cong....... not his business........... if i send that letter tho it all blows up in his face. lol
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primitivegenius
i think this post was better the first time
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Anti-Christ
DF'ing or DA'ing is a quick end to the JW bulls(** but you never know who will shun you.
I think you hit the nail wright on the head.
I'm a fader but sometimes I would like to just be officially out. I'm getting a little sick of all this JW BS. I think it all depends on what you are prepared to deal with or what you rather handle.
Oh and welcome to the board ruined.
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Finally-Free
I DA'd so I could get the JWs out of my life asap. There was no one there I was interested in maintaining a relationship with.
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ruined
oh... so fading is not the same as being da'd? what exactly is the difference?
thx.
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Anti-Christ
oh... so fading is not the same as being da'd? what exactly is the difference?
There is no "real" difference the difference is in how the people around you will react. For a JW being da'd has the same "consequence" as being Dfed because if your are a baptised JW your are not supposed to have a relationship with that person. If you don't want to follow the silly rules of the JWs you can do what ever you like.
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zeroday
Fading is pretending to still BELIEVE but lying low DA'ing your self means you are DF'ed and you have left them for good...I DA'ed myself 4 years ago to cut all ties for ever but if you have family that you don't want to shunn you fading is the way to go they still believe you are one of them but you play the game to make them believe you are still a JW...
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thom
I think that what's "better" has to do with the person involved. For some, getting df'd or da'd is the best choice for them. For others, it is to fade. I don't know that fading means you are faking that you are still a jw. I'm not df'd or da'd, so does that make me a fader? I guess so, but I certainly don't pretend to be a jw, I just have avoided being df'd, and chose not to send a da letter. The christmas lights all over the front of my house certainly aren't the best way to pretend to still be a jw. If I get df'd, that's fine by me, but I don't plan to make it happen intentionally.