"Look Cognac, I know you don't "want" a divorce and it sounds like some of us are pushing for that. We just see the writing on the wall and you can't or won't because of your emotional attachement and closeness to the situation which is perfectly understanable.
You sound like a really nice lady, but before you get sucked into this vortex of hurt and pain realize and accept one fact:
You nor I can control anyone else.
That means either, he is or he isn't sleeping with or in love with this other woman.
He either will or won't sit down like a man and talk to you about the issues in your marriage."
The problem has to be with me. He must be just reacting to what I'm doing wrong. I can't act like I'm innocent in all this. I just must not be an easy person to deal with...