by cognac 41 Replies latest jw friends
I was scared sh*tless. I stayed home from work for four days scared to go out of my house thinking god would strike me down by lightening if was wrong with my thoughts... I couldn't sleep at all...
But I had to take that first step... As scary as it was...
By the time I first posted here I was already mentally out and not afraid of the Jehoover.
Nervous.
I was alone, about 2:30 in the wee hours of the morning.
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It was erily silent ... so my fingers typed watchtower into goggle
& up came everything watchtower ... clicked a bit & up came...
Watching The Tower!!! Woooooh!....... then very carefully clicked on
6 screens of the watchtower!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
omg ......scary musicblarred out in the middle of the night...
honest, I thought it was demons & I was gonna get it! Pheeew.
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Still alive the next day so I just kept looking
clarity
My gosh... poor Cognac!
Now I'm curious, is this reaction the norm?!?
I felt that the whole world was reading my story. And it felt really freeing to write it.
I was proud of myself.
glad that i can help
When I first posted here seven yrs ago I was still active, my whole family was in ,and we had a JW living with us . I would scan this forum at night when everyone was asleep or out of the house .Very scared so worried I would be found out to be unfaithful.
The reason I finally gained the boldness to come on this website was because of a Doctor Phil show I saw on cults . Things brought our in that show made me realize I had every right to seek answers to the questions I had about my religion . His show had dealt with two girls ,'The Two Fawns ',that had escaped a cult and I found their experience so close to how I felt ...trapped ,afraid to leave because of shunning policy ,the fear of THE END ,guilt thinking ect..
I was still nervous that coming on here was some sort of trick and that somehow I would be found out or that thhe posters on here really were evil agents of Satan .
My fears did not subside until I finally read Ray Franz books then I had clarity that this really is just another manmade religion period .
It all seems so silly now . I lived in fear always as a Jehovahs Witness ,all my life . That anxiety nearly ruined my life . That part of my life thankfully has evaporated away ,I enjoy the freedom of thinking for myself now.
I was a member at Women Awake for a year before posting here. I had read here for a couple of years. I liked W.A. because it was just us ladies posting. I signed up at JWD under a different name, but stopped posting very quickly because I had a guy be too forward with me in JWD's chat room. Later the same year I joined under FlyingHighNow.
Nothing made me nervous about posting here, but the men. Not anymore though.
I've never shared this before, but........the brainwashing & deep seated fear that this cult instills in it's members minds runs very deep.
I was a grown man who was out of this cult for 15 years already when I first joined here. Looking back now... it was silly, but I was actually scared shitless to join JWN.(LOL) It's just the fear that this cult instills in it's members about apostates. It was not long after what I learned here, that I was able to call the JW religion the cult that it is.
